flipit
06-27-2007, 08:56 PM
Sometimes when I’m in the mood for intellectual stimulation, I’ll head to my bookshelf and crack open one of many leather-bound literary classics. Other times, when traditional tales won’t cut it for me, I’ll just turn on an episode of The Girls Next Door. The show may not feature brilliant plot twists and enlightening dialogue, but it does have a lot of pretty faces. As an added bonus, it is one of few shows that loses none of its appeal by watching it on mute. In fact, it gets better. I just pretend that the playmates are talking about how hot I am.
This week’s episode starts with Holly attempting to drive Hef’s vintage 1959 Mercedes convertible. The vehicle is sleek, curvy and flawless, like everything else the man likes. However, this ride is twice as old as any of his girlfriends (as to which has more mileage, it’s hard to say).
Though it’s clear that Holly is unfamiliar with the car’s 4-speed shifter, Hef has no problem letting her take it for a spin. What a trusting boyfriend! “Don’t kill yourself,” Hef advises as she gets behind the wheel. Needless to say, he isn’t too concerned. If something were to happen to Holly, two more girls would surely take her place.
Hank, the maintenance guy, is selected to ride along as the passenger. This role will surely allow him to earn his paycheck this week. However, Bridget, impressed by Holly’s ability to navigate the circular driveway, opts for the role. The girls tear off, and all goes well until it comes time for the car to turn.
Poor Holly. She’s gets stuck after bottoming out the Mercedes on the steep driveway. The pavement proves to be quite a challenge for her, as it’s a lot sturdier and far less wrinkly than what she’s used to grinding against. It takes the watchful eye and advice of Hank for her to properly navigate the car back to the house. This car had been in immaculate condition for fifty years, but Holly changed all that in less than five minutes. Bravo!
Back in the house, Kendra is preparing for a Cedars-Sinai charity tennis match. This event, sponsored by Monty Hall, helped to raise $500,000 for diabetes research, not to mention a few old men’s briefs. For the match, Kendra is preparing to go head-to-head against Destiny Davis, playmate from January, 2005. Kendra is sure of a victory, but Bryant, the mansion’s butler, playfully teases her. She responds to his joking by wiping her paint-smeared hands on his vest. No biggie, I’m sure he has other vests.
Kendra stresses the importance of stretching before the game, which allows for the gratuitous (yet sadly pixilated) montage of her changing from her slutty “hang-around-the-house” outfit to her slutty “let’s get sporty” outfit. She then proceeds to stretch herself out, to the amusement of her annoying little dogs. The more opportunistic one crawls up on her back, then jumps on her stomach after she collapses. I wonder if she puts up this much of a fight with Hef?
Murphy and Luke Jensen are the tennis pros/brothers who pair up with Kendra and Destiny for the tennis match. In pre-game discussions, Kendra appears to be the favored playmate (in terms of tennis ability). In the actual match, Kendra talks shit while Destiny does her best to avoid actually having to hit the ball. The match winds down to a Globetrotter-esque battle between the brothers, with the two girls watching. Kendra’s side eventually wins, and despite minimal contributions, she is more than willing to take credit for the victory. Well, you have to give her some recognition. She did look pretty.
Meanwhile, tonight is a big night for Bridget. They’re planning to celebrate her birthday with a murder mystery party. Apparently, she has always wanted to have such a celebration. It looks like dreams can come true for pretty blonde girls after all!
Needless to say, Bridget wants to look good for the evening, and puts a huge effort (the whole day) into getting ready (doing her hair, nails, makeup, etc.). Of course, her huge effort involves driving to the various salons and sitting still while other people do the actual work. And somehow she’s the one who was worn out. Oh, you poor thing!
To make it a little more exciting, a 20’s/30’s theme has been chosen for the party. Kendra is dressing up as a flapper, despite not knowing what the term means. “They flap,” she says. Works for me! Like Bridget, she also laments the difficulties of looking good. “I love dressing up, but I hate the process of dressing up. Guys can just throw on, like, anything and just walk out anywhere, but we have to, like, actually work.” A yes, it’s another day in the salt mines for poor little Kendra.
Holly’s pre-party commitment is to do her make-up “30’s style, but not that extreme,” whatever that means. As she gets ready, she explains how she’s sure the party will be fun for the staff as well, because they’re involved and they get to dress up, too. Oh boy, different vests!
The party gets started with cocktails being served. Everyone is dressed appropriate for the era, and guests include Bridget’s mom, sister, best friend and Hef’s brother. In a way, I think I envy him more than Hef.
The man of the house rolls in dressed as Clark Gable. I didn’t know he could look more like a creepy old guy, but apparently all it took was a pencil-thin moustache drawn on his upper lip.
The party officially gets under way with the butler being stabbed. Just to make sure no stereotype goes untouched in the house, the one and only black guy dies first. The acting troupe performing the murder mystery explains that it is up to the guests to figure out who committed the murder and why. They split up into five or six teams, and begin searching for clues in a scavenger hunt style. As soon as the lead actor tells them not to run due to the dangers of slipping on the wet ground, Kendra bounds off. It’s a good thing he didn’t tell her to carry scissors.
The hunt is on. Kendra’s competitive side definitely shows through, as do her tits and ass. Apparently, dresses in the 30’s weren’t designed to hold in cosmetically enhanced cleavage. Surprisingly, her frequent wardrobe adjustments aren’t slowing her down. “I’d rather get the clues than have my clothes anyway,” she adds. I find myself agreeing with her, which has me worried.
Kendra’s not the only one running, just the only one putting on a show (curse those pixels! They’re ruining the best part(s)!) Hef, on the other hand, doesn’t seem that excited to have to move around so quickly. He’s a little beyond running after girls at this stage in his life. It’s fun to see his other party guests…the ones that aren’t blonde bimbos. They’re old men just like him, and after seeing all these geriatrics shuffling madly around the grounds trying to keep up with the scavenger hunt, I was sure the murder mystery was going to get complicated by a natural death.
Amidst all the running, Holly voices concern over the difficulty of competing in high heels. Though it took her awhile, she finally realized that her shoes were a removable part the getup. This is why I consider her to be the thinking man’s playmate.
One of the clues the partygoers stumble upon suggests that a butler is a snitch. Kendra’s pitiful interrogation of the staff turns up the unlikely suggestion that Archie the dog could be the killer. Kendra is clearly no Holly when it comes to reasoning, and she interprets “could be” to mean “definitely.” She whispers her suspicions of Archie’s guilt to her teammates and everyone else in whispering range. Well, you have to give her some credit: she didn’t waste valuable time trying to interrogate the dog.
As word spreads of Archie’s potential guilt, Bridget brilliantly points out that the butler was stabbed, and this was probably not the work of a canine. Kendra’s laugh conveys both “yes, I understand” and “I’m still convinced the dog is somehow involved.”
Amidst all the chaos and suggestions, one of the actors hands Bridget a gun and tells her to hide it. She is instructed to pull it out later for a 4-way gunfight. She’ll have to act, too, but I’m not worried about her performance. In fact, it was her experience with 4-ways that first caught Hef’s attention.
Trouble ensues among the actors, and on cue, Bridget pulls out the gun and “kills” another actress with the help of accomplices. It turns out the birthday girl was the main suspect! Whodathunkit? The night ends with Hef telling Bridget what a wonderful time he had.
Cut to two days later, on Bridget’s actual birthday. Holly and the rest of the gang surprise her with a giant cake. It’s a touching moment that moves her to tears. Surprising as this reaction my seem, Bridget explains in her recap that everything sincere produces such results. What a stable girl!
The show ends with Kendra throwing in her two cents about how she felt it was Bridget’s best birthday ever. Wow, Kendra, you’ve known her for all of two years. That’s an easy statement to make. I can only assume that once the episode wrapped, Kendra set off for a college lecture tour.
Well, until next week, it’s back to the classics of literature for me. I can’t wait to see what adventures the girls will have next.
Scuba
This week’s episode starts with Holly attempting to drive Hef’s vintage 1959 Mercedes convertible. The vehicle is sleek, curvy and flawless, like everything else the man likes. However, this ride is twice as old as any of his girlfriends (as to which has more mileage, it’s hard to say).
Though it’s clear that Holly is unfamiliar with the car’s 4-speed shifter, Hef has no problem letting her take it for a spin. What a trusting boyfriend! “Don’t kill yourself,” Hef advises as she gets behind the wheel. Needless to say, he isn’t too concerned. If something were to happen to Holly, two more girls would surely take her place.
Hank, the maintenance guy, is selected to ride along as the passenger. This role will surely allow him to earn his paycheck this week. However, Bridget, impressed by Holly’s ability to navigate the circular driveway, opts for the role. The girls tear off, and all goes well until it comes time for the car to turn.
Poor Holly. She’s gets stuck after bottoming out the Mercedes on the steep driveway. The pavement proves to be quite a challenge for her, as it’s a lot sturdier and far less wrinkly than what she’s used to grinding against. It takes the watchful eye and advice of Hank for her to properly navigate the car back to the house. This car had been in immaculate condition for fifty years, but Holly changed all that in less than five minutes. Bravo!
Back in the house, Kendra is preparing for a Cedars-Sinai charity tennis match. This event, sponsored by Monty Hall, helped to raise $500,000 for diabetes research, not to mention a few old men’s briefs. For the match, Kendra is preparing to go head-to-head against Destiny Davis, playmate from January, 2005. Kendra is sure of a victory, but Bryant, the mansion’s butler, playfully teases her. She responds to his joking by wiping her paint-smeared hands on his vest. No biggie, I’m sure he has other vests.
Kendra stresses the importance of stretching before the game, which allows for the gratuitous (yet sadly pixilated) montage of her changing from her slutty “hang-around-the-house” outfit to her slutty “let’s get sporty” outfit. She then proceeds to stretch herself out, to the amusement of her annoying little dogs. The more opportunistic one crawls up on her back, then jumps on her stomach after she collapses. I wonder if she puts up this much of a fight with Hef?
Murphy and Luke Jensen are the tennis pros/brothers who pair up with Kendra and Destiny for the tennis match. In pre-game discussions, Kendra appears to be the favored playmate (in terms of tennis ability). In the actual match, Kendra talks shit while Destiny does her best to avoid actually having to hit the ball. The match winds down to a Globetrotter-esque battle between the brothers, with the two girls watching. Kendra’s side eventually wins, and despite minimal contributions, she is more than willing to take credit for the victory. Well, you have to give her some recognition. She did look pretty.
Meanwhile, tonight is a big night for Bridget. They’re planning to celebrate her birthday with a murder mystery party. Apparently, she has always wanted to have such a celebration. It looks like dreams can come true for pretty blonde girls after all!
Needless to say, Bridget wants to look good for the evening, and puts a huge effort (the whole day) into getting ready (doing her hair, nails, makeup, etc.). Of course, her huge effort involves driving to the various salons and sitting still while other people do the actual work. And somehow she’s the one who was worn out. Oh, you poor thing!
To make it a little more exciting, a 20’s/30’s theme has been chosen for the party. Kendra is dressing up as a flapper, despite not knowing what the term means. “They flap,” she says. Works for me! Like Bridget, she also laments the difficulties of looking good. “I love dressing up, but I hate the process of dressing up. Guys can just throw on, like, anything and just walk out anywhere, but we have to, like, actually work.” A yes, it’s another day in the salt mines for poor little Kendra.
Holly’s pre-party commitment is to do her make-up “30’s style, but not that extreme,” whatever that means. As she gets ready, she explains how she’s sure the party will be fun for the staff as well, because they’re involved and they get to dress up, too. Oh boy, different vests!
The party gets started with cocktails being served. Everyone is dressed appropriate for the era, and guests include Bridget’s mom, sister, best friend and Hef’s brother. In a way, I think I envy him more than Hef.
The man of the house rolls in dressed as Clark Gable. I didn’t know he could look more like a creepy old guy, but apparently all it took was a pencil-thin moustache drawn on his upper lip.
The party officially gets under way with the butler being stabbed. Just to make sure no stereotype goes untouched in the house, the one and only black guy dies first. The acting troupe performing the murder mystery explains that it is up to the guests to figure out who committed the murder and why. They split up into five or six teams, and begin searching for clues in a scavenger hunt style. As soon as the lead actor tells them not to run due to the dangers of slipping on the wet ground, Kendra bounds off. It’s a good thing he didn’t tell her to carry scissors.
The hunt is on. Kendra’s competitive side definitely shows through, as do her tits and ass. Apparently, dresses in the 30’s weren’t designed to hold in cosmetically enhanced cleavage. Surprisingly, her frequent wardrobe adjustments aren’t slowing her down. “I’d rather get the clues than have my clothes anyway,” she adds. I find myself agreeing with her, which has me worried.
Kendra’s not the only one running, just the only one putting on a show (curse those pixels! They’re ruining the best part(s)!) Hef, on the other hand, doesn’t seem that excited to have to move around so quickly. He’s a little beyond running after girls at this stage in his life. It’s fun to see his other party guests…the ones that aren’t blonde bimbos. They’re old men just like him, and after seeing all these geriatrics shuffling madly around the grounds trying to keep up with the scavenger hunt, I was sure the murder mystery was going to get complicated by a natural death.
Amidst all the running, Holly voices concern over the difficulty of competing in high heels. Though it took her awhile, she finally realized that her shoes were a removable part the getup. This is why I consider her to be the thinking man’s playmate.
One of the clues the partygoers stumble upon suggests that a butler is a snitch. Kendra’s pitiful interrogation of the staff turns up the unlikely suggestion that Archie the dog could be the killer. Kendra is clearly no Holly when it comes to reasoning, and she interprets “could be” to mean “definitely.” She whispers her suspicions of Archie’s guilt to her teammates and everyone else in whispering range. Well, you have to give her some credit: she didn’t waste valuable time trying to interrogate the dog.
As word spreads of Archie’s potential guilt, Bridget brilliantly points out that the butler was stabbed, and this was probably not the work of a canine. Kendra’s laugh conveys both “yes, I understand” and “I’m still convinced the dog is somehow involved.”
Amidst all the chaos and suggestions, one of the actors hands Bridget a gun and tells her to hide it. She is instructed to pull it out later for a 4-way gunfight. She’ll have to act, too, but I’m not worried about her performance. In fact, it was her experience with 4-ways that first caught Hef’s attention.
Trouble ensues among the actors, and on cue, Bridget pulls out the gun and “kills” another actress with the help of accomplices. It turns out the birthday girl was the main suspect! Whodathunkit? The night ends with Hef telling Bridget what a wonderful time he had.
Cut to two days later, on Bridget’s actual birthday. Holly and the rest of the gang surprise her with a giant cake. It’s a touching moment that moves her to tears. Surprising as this reaction my seem, Bridget explains in her recap that everything sincere produces such results. What a stable girl!
The show ends with Kendra throwing in her two cents about how she felt it was Bridget’s best birthday ever. Wow, Kendra, you’ve known her for all of two years. That’s an easy statement to make. I can only assume that once the episode wrapped, Kendra set off for a college lecture tour.
Well, until next week, it’s back to the classics of literature for me. I can’t wait to see what adventures the girls will have next.
Scuba