flipit
07-02-2007, 04:19 PM
"Dino-tastic!"
So I cut my first pineapple the other day and it came out awesome. I know, it?s weird, but I had never cut one myself before. Anyway, along with the fantastically cut pineapple came a sense of self-empowerment I have never known (except for the time I successfully rode the Tower of Terror without passing out when I was 12. That was huge, but I digress). The perfection of that pineapple made me realize that I must be great at everything I do. With that, I decided it was finally time for me to take a stab at recapping.
I have to say I have never watched The Simple Life before. Mainly because I harbor an intense hatred for both Paris and Nicole and just about everything they do. But, let?s not speak of such things here, on with the show!
The show starts off with Hunter and Paris being called up to Big Chief Ed?s office. Big Chief Ed is the camp director and let me say ? WOAH. I don?t know if it?s the bi-tonal hair or the ?I am all that is man? name but break me off a piece!
Anywho, he tells P & H that he has a special assignment for them; there are two snakes down in the nurses? cabin. Cue the ridiculous ?whatchu say?? sound effects and notice that Paris does not look a bit surprised. Hunter, on the other hand, looks like he might need a change of pants. Hunter, dude, RELAX. It?s a snake, not one of those horrid mole-people creatures from The Descent (I don?t care how bad that movie sucked, those things were CREEPY!!!)
Paris and Hunter head down to the cabin for some good old fashioned snake wrangling. For some reason Paris feels it?s necessary to open the door with the snake hook Big Chief Hunk gave her. Maybe she thought the doorknob was the snake? I wouldn?t be surprised; she does seem pretty high and there?s a possibility she hypnotized herself with that dress.
They enter the cabin and Hunter proceeds to flip his shit. Seriously, how old is this boy? Paris calls him out on being a girl and pets one of the snakes. She seems pretty comfortable with them and reminisces with H-Bomb about how hot Britney was when she had the snake on her at a concert. Alright gang, let?s get real, is it just me, or does every single thing spewing from this girls mouth sounds like a cheesy line from a soft core porno? Paris, you sly dog, you tamed the snake by offering him sexual favors, didn?t you?! On the list of things I wouldn?t put past her, bestiality is #4.
The best part of this whole snake fiasco is Hunter telling the snake ?sit? and ?down? as they?re lowering it into a bin. Way to go Hunter! Have you ever considered a career in snake charming?
Good lord, I completely forgot about the theme song. The first time I heard it I broke into spontaneous seizures. I think I can safely say that it is the worst song I have ever heard. For shame, producers! I would rather hear a track from Paris? album than that cacophony of awful. Thank goodness I?ve got a mute button or I?d be a special guest star in The Simple Life 6: Asylum Fun!
After the credits, we?re treated to a shot of some lady strutting down the dirt road in some very fancy pink leggings. Why, it?s Dr. Diana, a psychologist and love expert! Apparently this week they?ll be working with 5 couples by putting their romance skills to the test. She deadpans the camera and says ?I think Paris and Nicole will have very interesting relationship advice to pass on.? Dr. D, color me impressed! How did you manage to keep a straight face for that one? Actually, I take that back, what with Nicole?s fake pregnancy and fake engagement and Paris? serial Greek shipping heir thing, I?m sure they?ll give the best advice money can buy.
Dr. D is giving them a rundown of how things will work, and informs the ladies that they will be bunking with the men. Paris smiles and looks at Nicole as if to say ?I just creamed my pants? or ?oh it?s on like Donkey Kong, bitches!? or something along those lines and I roll my eyes so hard they hurt. But enough of this; let?s meet the couples!!
Our first contestants are Dom and Kim and their issue is commitment. She wants to be engaged and get married, and he ?has no plans or desire to propose to Kim.? OUCH. That?s gotta hurt. On a scale of 1 to breaking-up-in-the-next-year, these two are doomed.
Next up we have Linda and Joe, or as I like to call them: The Dino?s. Why? Because they?re 200 years old. Their issue is bickering. What? I?m sorry but after 43 years of marriage you?d think they would, oh I don?t know, sack up and deal with it. Besides, dinos can?t fight! Oh, and PS ? I would eat Joe with a spoon; he is hands down the cutest little critter I?ve ever seen. For serious.
Next up we have a same-sex couple; Peter and Jack from Will and Grace!! Okay, its not really Jack, but boy-o-boy could he play the part. Their issue is fidelity. Alright, this is a public service announcement to all couples: if you and your partner are having problems with any combination of the following- fidelity, commitment, sudden change in sexual orientation, secret man and/or lady parts, desire to get on a farm animal, etc. - chances are you should cut your losses and move on. Seriously, who wants to be with someone who?s unfaithful?! Call me old fashioned, but this is ridonculous.
Next up are Bree and Danny and their issue is communication. Finally, a real one! It?s hard to believe the youngest couple here is the only sane one. Then again, these are just first impressions, we?ll see how it plays out.
Last but not least we have Nick and Phoebe whose issues are too numerous to list. Yikes, that doesn?t sound good. You know what does sound good though? Nick?s WICKED SWEET ACCENT! Sorry, I?m a sucker for accents. So, can Hollywood?s favorite f***ups bring these couples back from the dead? Find out, after the break!
The narrator informs us that before they get down to work, the girls have a special surprise waiting for them. Kathy Hilton! <Crickets> Oh Kathy, don?t you know how tacky it is to gain camera time through your children? Chances are she?ll go Baby Jane on us by 2010. Paris asks what she?s doing there and Kathy reads from her script says she wanted to make sure they were behaving. Cue the naughty behavior montage! Let?s see what we have here; Paris and Nicole ruining things with a waxer, Paris and Nicole ruining children with the middle finger, Paris and Nicole
pulling down a shack with a truck?! Okay, so they?ve been up to no good, raise your hand if you?re surprised.
Dr. D is having a one-on-one with Nick and Phoebe. Nick ultimately confesses what he wants out of this is for Phoebe to pay the bills and I put my head in my hands. What I want from this is for Nick and Phoebe to break up. <Sigh> I never get my way.
Oh great, time for a therapy session with Mommy Dearest. Kathy is sitting with the girls in their cabin when Dom walks in. Kathy starts asking The Dom about his situation and tries to give relationship advice and somewhere an angel dies. She divulges that she married her husband when she was 19 and he was 24 and says - AND I QUOTE - ?we started out with nothing.?
Pop quiz: upon hearing this I
a) Blacked out, only to wake up with blood on my hands and a funny taste in my mouth
b) Threw my TV out the window and admitted myself to the nearest institution
c) Screamed at the aforementioned TV that she was a lying whore as I quickly googled Rick Hilton to ensure I was right about them having not nothing, but rather a trust fund and a hotel chain. Nice try, Kathy, but you?re not winning any sympathy points from me.
She then goes on to tell The Dom he may be suffering from ?why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free? disease. You?ve never heard of it? Yeah, me neither. Funny, neither has the AMA. Fancy that
In another cabin, Dr. D has moved on from Nick and the Succubus and is sitting with the Dinos. Yay! Dino fun time! ManDino tells Dr. D that LadyDino is on the internet 24/7. ManDino, give her a break, its not like she can join Cirque du Soleil or enlist in a roller derby, she?s old! He also says something about the shopping network and Dr. D blows a really obnoxious whistle. ?That was love blasting,? she says, ?now why did I blow the whistle on you?? LadyDino replies that she didn?t do anything and we?re treated to an ?oh you zany contestants? sound effect as the camera pans back to our gals.
Paris and Nicole are giving Kathy a tour of the camp when they run into Jesus. They tell Kathy he?s the cook and the masseuse, which she both buys and is impressed by. Or is that feigned? Who cares?
Kathy is introduced to the rest of the couples and rags on Phoebe for drinking. ?It?s like, 10:30 in the morning? she gawks. Bitch please, its 10:30 in the morning and I?ve been drinking for HOURS. Don?t make that face at me, it keeps me sane. And with that, the reign of Kathy Hilton is over. What exactly did you come visit for?
Whatevs, on with the good stuff! Next up we?ve got a group therapy exercise in ?making love loud and clear?. Wow, I better close the windows for this one; don?t want the neighbors getting any ideas! Oh
so this is actually an exercise in complementing each other
with a bullhorn. Well that?s not nearly as kinky as I thought it would be. Paris and Nicole are up first. Here?s what they had to say;
P: ?I love your sexy hairdo?
N: ?You?re a beautiful woman?
P: ?I love your hot face?
N: ?You have the warmest heart?
P: ?You?re like my sister
and you?re a sexy bitch.?
Okay Paris, we?ve firmly established that you want to get on Nicole whether or not she?s blood-related, can we PLEASE talk about something else? Also, did anyone else notice the utter lack of tonality in either of their voices? I?m pegging their pre-meeting vicodin consumption at at least 3 a piece.
Next, the rest of the couples take their turns. Kim loves The Dom?s humor, The Dom loves Kim?s green eyes, and aww this is cute. This is where the girls start messing with everyone and take turns telling the couples what to say to each other. It gets ugly. Let?s just say it ends with the Dino?s talking about doggy style and I throw up in my mouth a little.
Dr. D is back and she comes bearing gifts. What could it be? Oh, ya know, just your everyday box of dildos. Fabulous! The females dive for the fun sticks like they haven?t had sex in YEARS and even try calling out which one they?re taking before they leave their seats. Ladies, ladies, it?s not the size that
oh who are we kidding, dibs on the blue one!
After Dildo Fest ?07, Dr. D tells the happy campers about erogenous zones and tells them they?ll be demonstrating where said erogenous zones are by drawing them on Matthew?s body. Nicole directs him to ?dethrobe? and he stares blankly at her for a while because it?s not a real word, Nicole. When he does disrobe he is wearing a lovely nude catsuit. ME-OW! Paris is in charge of the lady parts and Nicole is in charge of the boy parts. They draw all over Matthew, a lot of bleeping occurs, and everyone has a good laugh.
The next morning, Nicole tells ManDino she was going to cuddle with him because he looked so cute and he says something about morning wood. Hey, um, ManDino, could I talk to you for a sec? I?m not really sure how to say this. I thought you were super cute at first and I wanted to keep you in my pocket, but now you?re acting all weird and creepy and it?s majorly ooging me out. Old people are supposed to be asexual and talk about their gardens you silly goose! I think those naughty girls are a bad influence on you. In fact, I?d like for you to cease and desist immediately, mmkay? Thanks! Kisses!
In a random side scene, Nicole takes a bag of goods to Hunter to help make Paris like him. There?s leather and chains and weird things and we delve a little deeper into the twisted psyche of Paris Hilton. Bottom line, Hunter says Hell to the No and that if Paris can?t like him for him then just forget it. Aww, Hunter!!! You can be my boyfriend! As long as you pass a lie detector affirming you?ve never been anywhere near Paris? lady parts.
Tonight?s activity is a lesson in romance. This should be interesting. Nicole pulls out a skin colored Speedo and asks the boys is they?ve ever been waxed. Jack comes out patting his belly and they comment on his bulge. Yuck, unnecessary ladies. Then they show us an ECU of Jack?s crotch as they wax in between his legs. Two things: 1- I didn?t need to see that, and 2- Are Paris and Nicole licensed waxers? Because I am horribly concerned about the men?s hair follicles. The man-waxing scenes go on for much longer than they should and end with Nicole stating that she got a poo-crumb on one. Yum! I swear that Nicole is the quintessence of ladylike.
As everyone is getting ready for their fancy dinner, Nicole and Paris are dishing by the mirror. Nicole fills Paris in on Hunter being a super sweetheart and Paris seems unfazed.
Aww, the men present their lady loves with flowers and they all hop on
a school bus? Umm, just for the record, if one of my dates ever starts on a school bus you best believe there won?t be another one. Way to skimp on the goods, producers. The romantic evening consists of a moonlit dinner in a field somewhere and Hunter starts chatting up one of the servers. Uh-oh, I smell trouble. Albeit staged, pretend trouble, but trouble nonetheless!
We see all of the couples enjoying their evening. Over at the Dino table, LadyDino says ?I love you so much, you?re the stars and the moon
. Are you listening?? LOL! Oh Dino?s, I love ya.
Hunter is either wasted, on something, or just really annoying when he talks to girls. Why so uppity? Plus, I?m pretty sure Waitress was hired for the sole purpose of creating Paris-Hunter drama. The question is: will it work? The more pressing question is: does anyone care? Even if Paris would give a peasant the time of day (which she probably wouldn?t), I doubt it would last very long. You know, once they found out they?d have to join the Valtrex club and all. Paris looks up from her plate, sees the two chatting it up (conveniently 20 feet from their table), and asks Nicole ?is that girl hitting on Hunter? Because even though I?ll never see or talk to him again after camp is over, I?ve still claimed him as my own private property.? And with that, we cut to a commercial.
When we come back, Paris and Nicole are talking about Hunter. Nicole tells Paris she thinks he?s a good guy and she should give him a second chance. My my Nicole, what timing! The producers proceed to really up the anxiety levels (only not really) by showing Paris and Nicole looking for Hunter while Hunter and Waitress get closer and closer (trust me, it?s a total nail-biter). Paris walks over just as Hunter kisses Waitress and looks totally super sonic bummed out as she turns and walks away. Oh no!
And with that, the show ends. Wow. What a riveting half an hour. What did you all think? Will Paris ever recover from the heartache Hunter caused her? Will Nicole consult a dictionary regarding her use of the (non)word dethrobe? Can we make a new show all about the Dino?s? And, most importantly, did I live up to my goal of pineapple-y goodness?
So I cut my first pineapple the other day and it came out awesome. I know, it?s weird, but I had never cut one myself before. Anyway, along with the fantastically cut pineapple came a sense of self-empowerment I have never known (except for the time I successfully rode the Tower of Terror without passing out when I was 12. That was huge, but I digress). The perfection of that pineapple made me realize that I must be great at everything I do. With that, I decided it was finally time for me to take a stab at recapping.
I have to say I have never watched The Simple Life before. Mainly because I harbor an intense hatred for both Paris and Nicole and just about everything they do. But, let?s not speak of such things here, on with the show!
The show starts off with Hunter and Paris being called up to Big Chief Ed?s office. Big Chief Ed is the camp director and let me say ? WOAH. I don?t know if it?s the bi-tonal hair or the ?I am all that is man? name but break me off a piece!
Anywho, he tells P & H that he has a special assignment for them; there are two snakes down in the nurses? cabin. Cue the ridiculous ?whatchu say?? sound effects and notice that Paris does not look a bit surprised. Hunter, on the other hand, looks like he might need a change of pants. Hunter, dude, RELAX. It?s a snake, not one of those horrid mole-people creatures from The Descent (I don?t care how bad that movie sucked, those things were CREEPY!!!)
Paris and Hunter head down to the cabin for some good old fashioned snake wrangling. For some reason Paris feels it?s necessary to open the door with the snake hook Big Chief Hunk gave her. Maybe she thought the doorknob was the snake? I wouldn?t be surprised; she does seem pretty high and there?s a possibility she hypnotized herself with that dress.
They enter the cabin and Hunter proceeds to flip his shit. Seriously, how old is this boy? Paris calls him out on being a girl and pets one of the snakes. She seems pretty comfortable with them and reminisces with H-Bomb about how hot Britney was when she had the snake on her at a concert. Alright gang, let?s get real, is it just me, or does every single thing spewing from this girls mouth sounds like a cheesy line from a soft core porno? Paris, you sly dog, you tamed the snake by offering him sexual favors, didn?t you?! On the list of things I wouldn?t put past her, bestiality is #4.
The best part of this whole snake fiasco is Hunter telling the snake ?sit? and ?down? as they?re lowering it into a bin. Way to go Hunter! Have you ever considered a career in snake charming?
Good lord, I completely forgot about the theme song. The first time I heard it I broke into spontaneous seizures. I think I can safely say that it is the worst song I have ever heard. For shame, producers! I would rather hear a track from Paris? album than that cacophony of awful. Thank goodness I?ve got a mute button or I?d be a special guest star in The Simple Life 6: Asylum Fun!
After the credits, we?re treated to a shot of some lady strutting down the dirt road in some very fancy pink leggings. Why, it?s Dr. Diana, a psychologist and love expert! Apparently this week they?ll be working with 5 couples by putting their romance skills to the test. She deadpans the camera and says ?I think Paris and Nicole will have very interesting relationship advice to pass on.? Dr. D, color me impressed! How did you manage to keep a straight face for that one? Actually, I take that back, what with Nicole?s fake pregnancy and fake engagement and Paris? serial Greek shipping heir thing, I?m sure they?ll give the best advice money can buy.
Dr. D is giving them a rundown of how things will work, and informs the ladies that they will be bunking with the men. Paris smiles and looks at Nicole as if to say ?I just creamed my pants? or ?oh it?s on like Donkey Kong, bitches!? or something along those lines and I roll my eyes so hard they hurt. But enough of this; let?s meet the couples!!
Our first contestants are Dom and Kim and their issue is commitment. She wants to be engaged and get married, and he ?has no plans or desire to propose to Kim.? OUCH. That?s gotta hurt. On a scale of 1 to breaking-up-in-the-next-year, these two are doomed.
Next up we have Linda and Joe, or as I like to call them: The Dino?s. Why? Because they?re 200 years old. Their issue is bickering. What? I?m sorry but after 43 years of marriage you?d think they would, oh I don?t know, sack up and deal with it. Besides, dinos can?t fight! Oh, and PS ? I would eat Joe with a spoon; he is hands down the cutest little critter I?ve ever seen. For serious.
Next up we have a same-sex couple; Peter and Jack from Will and Grace!! Okay, its not really Jack, but boy-o-boy could he play the part. Their issue is fidelity. Alright, this is a public service announcement to all couples: if you and your partner are having problems with any combination of the following- fidelity, commitment, sudden change in sexual orientation, secret man and/or lady parts, desire to get on a farm animal, etc. - chances are you should cut your losses and move on. Seriously, who wants to be with someone who?s unfaithful?! Call me old fashioned, but this is ridonculous.
Next up are Bree and Danny and their issue is communication. Finally, a real one! It?s hard to believe the youngest couple here is the only sane one. Then again, these are just first impressions, we?ll see how it plays out.
Last but not least we have Nick and Phoebe whose issues are too numerous to list. Yikes, that doesn?t sound good. You know what does sound good though? Nick?s WICKED SWEET ACCENT! Sorry, I?m a sucker for accents. So, can Hollywood?s favorite f***ups bring these couples back from the dead? Find out, after the break!
The narrator informs us that before they get down to work, the girls have a special surprise waiting for them. Kathy Hilton! <Crickets> Oh Kathy, don?t you know how tacky it is to gain camera time through your children? Chances are she?ll go Baby Jane on us by 2010. Paris asks what she?s doing there and Kathy reads from her script says she wanted to make sure they were behaving. Cue the naughty behavior montage! Let?s see what we have here; Paris and Nicole ruining things with a waxer, Paris and Nicole ruining children with the middle finger, Paris and Nicole
pulling down a shack with a truck?! Okay, so they?ve been up to no good, raise your hand if you?re surprised.
Dr. D is having a one-on-one with Nick and Phoebe. Nick ultimately confesses what he wants out of this is for Phoebe to pay the bills and I put my head in my hands. What I want from this is for Nick and Phoebe to break up. <Sigh> I never get my way.
Oh great, time for a therapy session with Mommy Dearest. Kathy is sitting with the girls in their cabin when Dom walks in. Kathy starts asking The Dom about his situation and tries to give relationship advice and somewhere an angel dies. She divulges that she married her husband when she was 19 and he was 24 and says - AND I QUOTE - ?we started out with nothing.?
Pop quiz: upon hearing this I
a) Blacked out, only to wake up with blood on my hands and a funny taste in my mouth
b) Threw my TV out the window and admitted myself to the nearest institution
c) Screamed at the aforementioned TV that she was a lying whore as I quickly googled Rick Hilton to ensure I was right about them having not nothing, but rather a trust fund and a hotel chain. Nice try, Kathy, but you?re not winning any sympathy points from me.
She then goes on to tell The Dom he may be suffering from ?why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free? disease. You?ve never heard of it? Yeah, me neither. Funny, neither has the AMA. Fancy that
In another cabin, Dr. D has moved on from Nick and the Succubus and is sitting with the Dinos. Yay! Dino fun time! ManDino tells Dr. D that LadyDino is on the internet 24/7. ManDino, give her a break, its not like she can join Cirque du Soleil or enlist in a roller derby, she?s old! He also says something about the shopping network and Dr. D blows a really obnoxious whistle. ?That was love blasting,? she says, ?now why did I blow the whistle on you?? LadyDino replies that she didn?t do anything and we?re treated to an ?oh you zany contestants? sound effect as the camera pans back to our gals.
Paris and Nicole are giving Kathy a tour of the camp when they run into Jesus. They tell Kathy he?s the cook and the masseuse, which she both buys and is impressed by. Or is that feigned? Who cares?
Kathy is introduced to the rest of the couples and rags on Phoebe for drinking. ?It?s like, 10:30 in the morning? she gawks. Bitch please, its 10:30 in the morning and I?ve been drinking for HOURS. Don?t make that face at me, it keeps me sane. And with that, the reign of Kathy Hilton is over. What exactly did you come visit for?
Whatevs, on with the good stuff! Next up we?ve got a group therapy exercise in ?making love loud and clear?. Wow, I better close the windows for this one; don?t want the neighbors getting any ideas! Oh
so this is actually an exercise in complementing each other
with a bullhorn. Well that?s not nearly as kinky as I thought it would be. Paris and Nicole are up first. Here?s what they had to say;
P: ?I love your sexy hairdo?
N: ?You?re a beautiful woman?
P: ?I love your hot face?
N: ?You have the warmest heart?
P: ?You?re like my sister
and you?re a sexy bitch.?
Okay Paris, we?ve firmly established that you want to get on Nicole whether or not she?s blood-related, can we PLEASE talk about something else? Also, did anyone else notice the utter lack of tonality in either of their voices? I?m pegging their pre-meeting vicodin consumption at at least 3 a piece.
Next, the rest of the couples take their turns. Kim loves The Dom?s humor, The Dom loves Kim?s green eyes, and aww this is cute. This is where the girls start messing with everyone and take turns telling the couples what to say to each other. It gets ugly. Let?s just say it ends with the Dino?s talking about doggy style and I throw up in my mouth a little.
Dr. D is back and she comes bearing gifts. What could it be? Oh, ya know, just your everyday box of dildos. Fabulous! The females dive for the fun sticks like they haven?t had sex in YEARS and even try calling out which one they?re taking before they leave their seats. Ladies, ladies, it?s not the size that
oh who are we kidding, dibs on the blue one!
After Dildo Fest ?07, Dr. D tells the happy campers about erogenous zones and tells them they?ll be demonstrating where said erogenous zones are by drawing them on Matthew?s body. Nicole directs him to ?dethrobe? and he stares blankly at her for a while because it?s not a real word, Nicole. When he does disrobe he is wearing a lovely nude catsuit. ME-OW! Paris is in charge of the lady parts and Nicole is in charge of the boy parts. They draw all over Matthew, a lot of bleeping occurs, and everyone has a good laugh.
The next morning, Nicole tells ManDino she was going to cuddle with him because he looked so cute and he says something about morning wood. Hey, um, ManDino, could I talk to you for a sec? I?m not really sure how to say this. I thought you were super cute at first and I wanted to keep you in my pocket, but now you?re acting all weird and creepy and it?s majorly ooging me out. Old people are supposed to be asexual and talk about their gardens you silly goose! I think those naughty girls are a bad influence on you. In fact, I?d like for you to cease and desist immediately, mmkay? Thanks! Kisses!
In a random side scene, Nicole takes a bag of goods to Hunter to help make Paris like him. There?s leather and chains and weird things and we delve a little deeper into the twisted psyche of Paris Hilton. Bottom line, Hunter says Hell to the No and that if Paris can?t like him for him then just forget it. Aww, Hunter!!! You can be my boyfriend! As long as you pass a lie detector affirming you?ve never been anywhere near Paris? lady parts.
Tonight?s activity is a lesson in romance. This should be interesting. Nicole pulls out a skin colored Speedo and asks the boys is they?ve ever been waxed. Jack comes out patting his belly and they comment on his bulge. Yuck, unnecessary ladies. Then they show us an ECU of Jack?s crotch as they wax in between his legs. Two things: 1- I didn?t need to see that, and 2- Are Paris and Nicole licensed waxers? Because I am horribly concerned about the men?s hair follicles. The man-waxing scenes go on for much longer than they should and end with Nicole stating that she got a poo-crumb on one. Yum! I swear that Nicole is the quintessence of ladylike.
As everyone is getting ready for their fancy dinner, Nicole and Paris are dishing by the mirror. Nicole fills Paris in on Hunter being a super sweetheart and Paris seems unfazed.
Aww, the men present their lady loves with flowers and they all hop on
a school bus? Umm, just for the record, if one of my dates ever starts on a school bus you best believe there won?t be another one. Way to skimp on the goods, producers. The romantic evening consists of a moonlit dinner in a field somewhere and Hunter starts chatting up one of the servers. Uh-oh, I smell trouble. Albeit staged, pretend trouble, but trouble nonetheless!
We see all of the couples enjoying their evening. Over at the Dino table, LadyDino says ?I love you so much, you?re the stars and the moon
. Are you listening?? LOL! Oh Dino?s, I love ya.
Hunter is either wasted, on something, or just really annoying when he talks to girls. Why so uppity? Plus, I?m pretty sure Waitress was hired for the sole purpose of creating Paris-Hunter drama. The question is: will it work? The more pressing question is: does anyone care? Even if Paris would give a peasant the time of day (which she probably wouldn?t), I doubt it would last very long. You know, once they found out they?d have to join the Valtrex club and all. Paris looks up from her plate, sees the two chatting it up (conveniently 20 feet from their table), and asks Nicole ?is that girl hitting on Hunter? Because even though I?ll never see or talk to him again after camp is over, I?ve still claimed him as my own private property.? And with that, we cut to a commercial.
When we come back, Paris and Nicole are talking about Hunter. Nicole tells Paris she thinks he?s a good guy and she should give him a second chance. My my Nicole, what timing! The producers proceed to really up the anxiety levels (only not really) by showing Paris and Nicole looking for Hunter while Hunter and Waitress get closer and closer (trust me, it?s a total nail-biter). Paris walks over just as Hunter kisses Waitress and looks totally super sonic bummed out as she turns and walks away. Oh no!
And with that, the show ends. Wow. What a riveting half an hour. What did you all think? Will Paris ever recover from the heartache Hunter caused her? Will Nicole consult a dictionary regarding her use of the (non)word dethrobe? Can we make a new show all about the Dino?s? And, most importantly, did I live up to my goal of pineapple-y goodness?