flipit
07-23-2007, 12:08 PM
By Queenlala
Tonight was a double-header for Sunset Tan. It was a smorgasbord of stupidity. Amazing. These self-obsessed caricatures are running around bitching about their problems and I’m sitting here thinking, “You work in a tanning salon!” They act like they’re curing Brain Cancer. Hey, people, get a grip! This isn’t Grey’s Anatomy…
Ok, so let’s dig into the first episode…
And this one is off to a running start: A pregnant lady is trying to tan. Because she wants to look hot while she’s giving birth. Hunnie, no one who poops on a table looks hot, okay?
So, after realizing that the lid won’t close over her belly (basically her water is about to break at any second) she calls to Keely for help. She goes into this whole monologue about wanting a “natural” birth. Um, ok. So I am confused. She’s all worried about a natural birth for her baby, but she’s fine frying in a tanning bed? Um, sure, lady. Good thinking.
So the Keely winds up talking her into a mystic tan. Great idea. And it is at this moment that it occurs to Keely that Donna’s water could break. No-wuh! That would make her all streaky. So not hot!
NEXT!
After the opening credits (which are totally helpful because they tell you all the peoples names), we arrive at the West Hollywood store.
Nick is the West Hollywood manager. He’s basically a total a$$hole with a hyper-negative attitude, so from here on out, I am calling him Dick.
Last ep, Dick headed out to Vegas with Devin and Jeff – Sunset Tan owners – where he may be transferred to run the new Las Vegas store. But they want a single guy who can party and “kick ass” for them.
But today in West Hollywood all hell is breaking loose in his store. He has no source of “sunless tan” in the entire place. According to Dick, the place is a wreck. The #9 spray tan is torn out and #10 has no power and Dick surmises that over the next few days they’ll lose a couple thousand dollars in revenue.
So, I have a stupid question: Why do people in LA have to spray tan any way? Isn’t it hot and sunny like 364 days a year there?
Ok, here comes Janelle, the Santa Monica manager, who hears Dick groaning in the hall and wants to know what the hell is going on.
He bitches to her about the mystics all being down. She feigns sympathy and then digs into him about Vegas. As the employee with the most seniority, the job belongs to her. A verbal catfight ensues. Score 1 to Janelle.
Cut to Erin and Keely shopping in a boutique, looking for funky LA stuff. Wait did someone say Wal-Mart?? But Paris Hilton made it perfectly clear that no one in LA knows what Wal-Mart is. Oh, Erin just moved here from Oklahoma… Well, Erin, you better hush up or you’ll be deported from LA! Apparently, Erin is having a hard time acclimating herself to this new environment.
So while she is trying on clothes, Erin to Keely talks about breaking up with beef-head boyfriend. His name is Raider? Wait, I MUST have heard the wrong. I am going to rewind it. Nope, the guy’s name is definitely Raider. Then he should love LA, right? Hmm.
Heading back to the West Hollywood store, we see Dick getting hassled by clients who want the spray tan. He’s worried about being dependable for Jeff and Devin, and is concerned that this will affect his chances at getting the Vegas promotion.
But wait, his gf, Ania, has come to visit. Hold the phone: a girl friend. But didn’t Jeff tell Dick that he wants a single guy to run Vegas. Forget dependable, Ania is what is standing in the way of your promotion, dude.
Dick shamelessly lies to Ania about what went down in Vegas. He tells her he hated it and that it’s so not him. So then, what was that little argument with Janelle all about then, huh? Easing some sexual tension? Nope, apparently the money is the allure.
He asks her if she’s going to tan, and she responds by inviting him to join her in the mystic tan. Now he’s really kicking himself over the broken machines.
Because of all the money that they are losing, Dick makes a sale for an off-premise custom tanning session. He sends Erin with OG, so she can train them on the custom tanning. Dick tells them it’s a celebrity, but does not tell them who. They are so excited. They are anxiously guessing who it could be. So they walk in and it’s Brad Pitt!!!!
Just kidding, lol. It’s a dead guy! A TV broadcaster named Franklin. Their mission, should they choose to accept it is to spray his face and ears. And by the way, they HAVE to accept it, thanks to Dick.
Molly yells, “Just give me a bucket and I’ll dip him in it!”
OG are totally freaking out. No way are they going spray tan this dead guy. How morbid! Oh, wait, that word is so not in their vocabulary. How yucky!
But all of a sudden, Molly starts to warm up to Franklinstein. She proclaims that as long as Franklin watches over her as she drives, she spray tan his face, ears and hands. Then, she starts talking and singing him. She dubs him Frankie and holds a conversation with him as she paints him bronze.
Holly won’t go near him. In fact, she yells at Molly for talking to him.
Given a choice between the two of them, she’d pick the seasick crocodile…
So, Molly does it all herself, and is upset that even though he looks great, he can’t give her a great reco! But wait: light bulb! She can take a picture of him to show her boss what a wonderful job she did. But alas, she is verklempt: He looks dead in the picture! Stupid corpse, what were you thinking??? You couldn’t smile or anything. Yeesh.
Molly says next time Dick better sign her up to spray tan a lively, active celebrity. Yeah, be careful what you wish for, right Erin? Oops, I am getting ahead of myself.
Erin calls Dick and tells him he’s a total sicko for sending them to do that. She then calls Michael Moore to see if he wants to do a documentary on corpses and the sickos who spray tan them.
After all that hysteria, Erin’s second thoughts about being in LA bubble to the surface, so she decided to fly to Oklahoma, to visit her very conservative family. She wants to determine if she’s made the right decision.
Upon arrival, her dad, whom is a minister, and sister make some snide comments about her breezy LA wardrobe. They should see the dress she tried on in the boutique. Then they have some dinner, where she admits that she’s not totally happy in LA, which prompt her dad to grill her about what she’s doing there in LA and then whether she will see Raider while she is in town. Duh! Of course she is going to see Raider! They totally have unfinished business.
Erin has decided that she needs closure, one way or the other.
Back in West Hollywood, Roxanne, the Regional Manager, is with Dick, and telling him to chill about the mystics because it can’t be fixed over night. As she’s blah, blah, blahing at him, a customer calls. He answers all the questions and hangs up. Roxanne lays into him about being sarcastic on the phone. I think she’s on crack. I have my PhD in sarcasm, and I didn’t detect one bit in that exchange. I have a feeling Roxanne may be a little too big for her britches.
In the middle of the maylay, Jeff walks in. This creates even more havoc. He says the mystics must be fixed by tomorrow. Ok, tell that to Roxanne. I am feeling a teeny bit bad for Dick, since it looks like there is a break down in the chain of command. And he’s going to look like a chump.
We’re back in Oklahoma. When we finally see Raider, it’s a total disappointment. This is the guy Erin has been whining about?? He looks like a total moron, tells her all he wants to do is make out with her. He then begins to wax poetic about his lover for her. He gives her the most insincere love declaration I have ever heard. Oh.My.God. He is going to ask her to marry him. Don’t do it! He looks at her intently – crap, here it comes – and, he announces that he’s ENGAGED. OH.MY.GOD!!! What???!??!?! Ok, if I was that blind-sided, this poor girl must have been in complete shock. And the kicker? This bastard got engaged 2 months after they broke up! (Ok, what girl accepts a marriage proposal from a guy after 2 months of dating??) But, he assures Erin that he might find the love for her somewhere deep inside.
Well, she wanted closure. And the moral of that story is: Be careful what you wish for.
Erin talks to her dad about Raider and how much she misses home. And then he quotes the Bible to her. And I am feeling very uncomfortable. Oh. Good. She’s flying back to LA. Where people are normal.
In the West Hollywood store, Dick comes through with the repairs on the mystic machine and comes out looking like a hero. Vindication? For now.
So that’s it for this weeks epi! Tonight’s second episode has even more fireworks from Janelle and Roxanne. Vote for me and I’ll tell you
Tonight was a double-header for Sunset Tan. It was a smorgasbord of stupidity. Amazing. These self-obsessed caricatures are running around bitching about their problems and I’m sitting here thinking, “You work in a tanning salon!” They act like they’re curing Brain Cancer. Hey, people, get a grip! This isn’t Grey’s Anatomy…
Ok, so let’s dig into the first episode…
And this one is off to a running start: A pregnant lady is trying to tan. Because she wants to look hot while she’s giving birth. Hunnie, no one who poops on a table looks hot, okay?
So, after realizing that the lid won’t close over her belly (basically her water is about to break at any second) she calls to Keely for help. She goes into this whole monologue about wanting a “natural” birth. Um, ok. So I am confused. She’s all worried about a natural birth for her baby, but she’s fine frying in a tanning bed? Um, sure, lady. Good thinking.
So the Keely winds up talking her into a mystic tan. Great idea. And it is at this moment that it occurs to Keely that Donna’s water could break. No-wuh! That would make her all streaky. So not hot!
NEXT!
After the opening credits (which are totally helpful because they tell you all the peoples names), we arrive at the West Hollywood store.
Nick is the West Hollywood manager. He’s basically a total a$$hole with a hyper-negative attitude, so from here on out, I am calling him Dick.
Last ep, Dick headed out to Vegas with Devin and Jeff – Sunset Tan owners – where he may be transferred to run the new Las Vegas store. But they want a single guy who can party and “kick ass” for them.
But today in West Hollywood all hell is breaking loose in his store. He has no source of “sunless tan” in the entire place. According to Dick, the place is a wreck. The #9 spray tan is torn out and #10 has no power and Dick surmises that over the next few days they’ll lose a couple thousand dollars in revenue.
So, I have a stupid question: Why do people in LA have to spray tan any way? Isn’t it hot and sunny like 364 days a year there?
Ok, here comes Janelle, the Santa Monica manager, who hears Dick groaning in the hall and wants to know what the hell is going on.
He bitches to her about the mystics all being down. She feigns sympathy and then digs into him about Vegas. As the employee with the most seniority, the job belongs to her. A verbal catfight ensues. Score 1 to Janelle.
Cut to Erin and Keely shopping in a boutique, looking for funky LA stuff. Wait did someone say Wal-Mart?? But Paris Hilton made it perfectly clear that no one in LA knows what Wal-Mart is. Oh, Erin just moved here from Oklahoma… Well, Erin, you better hush up or you’ll be deported from LA! Apparently, Erin is having a hard time acclimating herself to this new environment.
So while she is trying on clothes, Erin to Keely talks about breaking up with beef-head boyfriend. His name is Raider? Wait, I MUST have heard the wrong. I am going to rewind it. Nope, the guy’s name is definitely Raider. Then he should love LA, right? Hmm.
Heading back to the West Hollywood store, we see Dick getting hassled by clients who want the spray tan. He’s worried about being dependable for Jeff and Devin, and is concerned that this will affect his chances at getting the Vegas promotion.
But wait, his gf, Ania, has come to visit. Hold the phone: a girl friend. But didn’t Jeff tell Dick that he wants a single guy to run Vegas. Forget dependable, Ania is what is standing in the way of your promotion, dude.
Dick shamelessly lies to Ania about what went down in Vegas. He tells her he hated it and that it’s so not him. So then, what was that little argument with Janelle all about then, huh? Easing some sexual tension? Nope, apparently the money is the allure.
He asks her if she’s going to tan, and she responds by inviting him to join her in the mystic tan. Now he’s really kicking himself over the broken machines.
Because of all the money that they are losing, Dick makes a sale for an off-premise custom tanning session. He sends Erin with OG, so she can train them on the custom tanning. Dick tells them it’s a celebrity, but does not tell them who. They are so excited. They are anxiously guessing who it could be. So they walk in and it’s Brad Pitt!!!!
Just kidding, lol. It’s a dead guy! A TV broadcaster named Franklin. Their mission, should they choose to accept it is to spray his face and ears. And by the way, they HAVE to accept it, thanks to Dick.
Molly yells, “Just give me a bucket and I’ll dip him in it!”
OG are totally freaking out. No way are they going spray tan this dead guy. How morbid! Oh, wait, that word is so not in their vocabulary. How yucky!
But all of a sudden, Molly starts to warm up to Franklinstein. She proclaims that as long as Franklin watches over her as she drives, she spray tan his face, ears and hands. Then, she starts talking and singing him. She dubs him Frankie and holds a conversation with him as she paints him bronze.
Holly won’t go near him. In fact, she yells at Molly for talking to him.
Given a choice between the two of them, she’d pick the seasick crocodile…
So, Molly does it all herself, and is upset that even though he looks great, he can’t give her a great reco! But wait: light bulb! She can take a picture of him to show her boss what a wonderful job she did. But alas, she is verklempt: He looks dead in the picture! Stupid corpse, what were you thinking??? You couldn’t smile or anything. Yeesh.
Molly says next time Dick better sign her up to spray tan a lively, active celebrity. Yeah, be careful what you wish for, right Erin? Oops, I am getting ahead of myself.
Erin calls Dick and tells him he’s a total sicko for sending them to do that. She then calls Michael Moore to see if he wants to do a documentary on corpses and the sickos who spray tan them.
After all that hysteria, Erin’s second thoughts about being in LA bubble to the surface, so she decided to fly to Oklahoma, to visit her very conservative family. She wants to determine if she’s made the right decision.
Upon arrival, her dad, whom is a minister, and sister make some snide comments about her breezy LA wardrobe. They should see the dress she tried on in the boutique. Then they have some dinner, where she admits that she’s not totally happy in LA, which prompt her dad to grill her about what she’s doing there in LA and then whether she will see Raider while she is in town. Duh! Of course she is going to see Raider! They totally have unfinished business.
Erin has decided that she needs closure, one way or the other.
Back in West Hollywood, Roxanne, the Regional Manager, is with Dick, and telling him to chill about the mystics because it can’t be fixed over night. As she’s blah, blah, blahing at him, a customer calls. He answers all the questions and hangs up. Roxanne lays into him about being sarcastic on the phone. I think she’s on crack. I have my PhD in sarcasm, and I didn’t detect one bit in that exchange. I have a feeling Roxanne may be a little too big for her britches.
In the middle of the maylay, Jeff walks in. This creates even more havoc. He says the mystics must be fixed by tomorrow. Ok, tell that to Roxanne. I am feeling a teeny bit bad for Dick, since it looks like there is a break down in the chain of command. And he’s going to look like a chump.
We’re back in Oklahoma. When we finally see Raider, it’s a total disappointment. This is the guy Erin has been whining about?? He looks like a total moron, tells her all he wants to do is make out with her. He then begins to wax poetic about his lover for her. He gives her the most insincere love declaration I have ever heard. Oh.My.God. He is going to ask her to marry him. Don’t do it! He looks at her intently – crap, here it comes – and, he announces that he’s ENGAGED. OH.MY.GOD!!! What???!??!?! Ok, if I was that blind-sided, this poor girl must have been in complete shock. And the kicker? This bastard got engaged 2 months after they broke up! (Ok, what girl accepts a marriage proposal from a guy after 2 months of dating??) But, he assures Erin that he might find the love for her somewhere deep inside.
Well, she wanted closure. And the moral of that story is: Be careful what you wish for.
Erin talks to her dad about Raider and how much she misses home. And then he quotes the Bible to her. And I am feeling very uncomfortable. Oh. Good. She’s flying back to LA. Where people are normal.
In the West Hollywood store, Dick comes through with the repairs on the mystic machine and comes out looking like a hero. Vindication? For now.
So that’s it for this weeks epi! Tonight’s second episode has even more fireworks from Janelle and Roxanne. Vote for me and I’ll tell you