flipit
12-17-2007, 06:59 PM
This week’s episode starts with Dean crying over Piper’s departure last week. Ok so Dean’s warrior background means that he thinks tears are for sissies so he instead chants “Four down five to go” until everyone else wants to poke out their eardrums… but I know he is a crying on the inside kind of clown. Speaking of clowns, Jason tells us that it was time for her to go… and then reminds us that the whole “hair dance” idea was his. Hair Dance? WTF is hair dance? Is that like when Tyra had the models do the hair show and they had spinning wheels and parakeets and flying monkeys in their hair? Dude, I would so not claim that one as your own. I’m just sayin’…
And just when I was starting to worry that things would get boring without Piper’s self absorbed confessionals, Robin steps up to the plate and lets us know that she had a really hard time last week because she is a professional photographer. And talented. And tries really hard to look cool. And is a professional photographer. And what is up with Russell invalidating her talent by thinking other people are better than she is. Doesn’t he know that she shot the first Marilyn Manson album cover?! She shoots rock and roll, baby… Russell only shoots half naked women. What does he know?
And while we are on the topic of half naked women, next we check in with Airic the perv who is complaining about not getting a good critique on his photo last week. Dean puts it all into perspective though… as only Dean can… by telling him that it is all about a winning mentality and he just doesn’t have it. Then he tells him that he’ll probably take better pictures if he holds the camera with both hands and stops balancing it on his knob. Hmm.. wait… maybe it was me that said that. My bad.
It’s Russell on the Big Screen time! He tells them to meet him at the studio in 15 minutes. After a quick LA freeway and “special kids” van montage, they arrive at the studio and see that Russell is standing there with a mischievous look on his face. The curtain behind Russell drops and you see a glass room with bowls of food on a table. Jason asks the camera, “Why is our lunch inside the glass cage?” What the hell do they feed them on that show? Because that didn’t look like any lunch I would eat. There was raw meat and frosting and moldy spaghetti.
Blueberries, raw meat, eggs..? Anyone ever heard of a Big Mac, for crying out loud?! Sucks to be them. But wait… it isn’t lunch… it’s a FOOD FIGHT!!!!! Russell explains that they are going to create texture on each other by having a food fight and the person who creates the most texture will shoot first. Their goal is to produce a sensual photo showing texture. The cast starts laughing hysterically at the idea of the food fight. For a really long time. Uncomfortably long. Long enough for them to pan through each one and show them in open mouth laughter. My neighbor used to laugh like that. Then they put him in the home.
Now just when I thought that this would be the best shoot for my girl, Robin, because she is a rock and roll girl. I figured that she has had food fights with Limp Bizkit and the Smashing Pumpkins and uh… Jimi Hendrix or whatever. But no! She has a weird mustard thing which turns her into one of the girls from that Two Girls One Cup video. I finally start to get interested in this show. Spewing always makes for good TV. She issues orders to her fellow castmates about what they are and are not allowed to throw at her. They basically give her the finger and shove each other out of the way trying to get to the mustard. John the wedding photographer guy gets to the table first and dumps everything on the floor. Mayhem erupts with everyone throwing food and dishes and stray cats and anything else they can find at each other while Rock’n Robin stands to one side dry heaving while telling everyone about the whole Marilyn Manson cover and how she is really talented. And a professional. Then she tells the camera that it is a good thing she didn’t eat breakfast or she would have covered the room in puke. You bitch! That would have made this the best episode in all reality tvdom! Now, Gasmii… am I right or am I right? When you are sitting around talking about your shows… like I know you do… and someone brought up the best show ever. You KNOW you would say… “Remember that time with the food fight and the girl barfed and they threw the barf around and then they rolled in it and then they took pictures of it and then…” You totally know you would.
So Russell congratulates everyone on how much texture they created and says he can’t pick a winner. See, Robin!? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! You would have won! In the end, John the wedding photographer got to shoot first because he suffered a microscopic scratch from a pie tin. Barfing would have SO trumped that. I guess I’ll have to just get over it and move on. *sniffle*
So anyway, click click click… everyone is taking photographs. Then Jason has Maria lay with her legs spread on the wall below a piece of raw meat that was clinging disgustingly to the window. Jason said the image of Maria giving birth to the wad of raw meat was thinking so far out of the box that it was on another planet. Yeah… the planet Tightass. Maria, never one to be outdone, takes the grossness factor one further by asking Rock’n Robin to lay on top of John the wedding photographer. I can’t really decide if just that alone would be gross enough to outshine the raw meat birth or if she was trying to make Robin even more nauseous. It was apparently the latter because that idea had to be aborted as she was going to vomit in his mouth. See? I told you she was trying to be one of the girls from that video! I am so clairvoyant, it’s scary.
Back at the room to clean up, Rock’n proclaims to Dean that she would have rather drowned than be in that food fight. That would have made for good tv too! Death and vomit always draw viewers. But no… she didn’t die either. She just isn’t trying hard enough.
Eventually, everyone has washed off all of the funk and are ready to hear the results. Russell tells them that they all did well and everyone gets positive feedback. Cut to Jason talking to the camera saying that he “damn near nailed it.” Seems like after every challenge, Jason tells us that he nailed it yet he never wins. I think he should try nailing something else.
Team leaders are chosen and Surprise Surprise! Jason isn’t one of them. Neither is Rock’n. The chosen ones are Dean… because, let’s face it, he’s scary and has killed people before… and John… because he sort of looks like Jesus. You know… if Jesus used way too many hair products and worked as a wedding photographer instead of doing the whole water and wine thing. Squint your eyes. You’ll see it.
The whole schoolyard pick thing happens just because they like to humiliate Maria every week. They do this to keep her humble because she actually has some talent and is otherwise normal compared to the rest of these freaks. Maria tells us that John must have a strategy for not picking her because they are so close. Honey… he is just not that into you. Alright, here are Snootchy’s quick three ways to tell that a guy isn’t going to be your boyfriend: 1. He tells you that your hair looks like someone vomited in it. 2. He lets you get picked last. 3. He is Jesus.
The final teams are John, Jason and Airic and Dean, Maria and Rock’n. The challenge is to shoot a campaign for Vincent Longo Cosmetics. Each team will be given 3 of his products. Each person needs to take two photographs. One is a close up of the face and one is a full body shot. They are supposed to use their product to create texture in the photo. The Jesus trio are given the theme of Sun, Moon and Stars and the Warrior group are given Earth, Wind and Fire.
Both teams retire back to their apartment to play with their make up and formulate their ideas. Team Warmachine has both girls on it so they are happily playing with the lipstick and other items. Dean has trouble fitting in and admits he has no experience with make up and beauty.
In the other room, the guys take turns putting make up on Jason and then they all spoon for a while and talk about their first kiss. John tells the group that his great idea for the campaign is to get the models naked. Airic immediately gets his perv face on and secretly rejoices that this show is sponsored by Vaseline. Jason is disgusted and tells us how disrespectful that would be and rants how John doesn’t know anything about marketing or advertising. He says that all he understands is gold paint and nudity. We call that Friday night with Grandma at ole Snootchy’s house, but I digress.
The next day the whole gang goes down to the photo studio to see Russell and they meet Vincent Longo himself who will be doing the make up for the shoot. And shocker of all shockers…. the models are nude and covered with paint! See… I told you. John has powers. *nods sagely* Maria goes first and rocks it, of course. During her shoot, she asks Vincent how he likes it so far and he mentions the light isn’t moody enough. So she changes the light to accommodate his views. Dean goes next and actually behaves in a polite and respectful way. It must have been all of the girl bonding over make up the night before. He tells the camera that he has never shot beauty so he asks for and accepts the advice of the girls. As expected, he rocks it. Then comes Robin. The first thing she does is change the light so that it is bright on the model. When it comes time to shoot, Vincent keeps stepping into the frame to adjust the model’s make up so she has difficulty taking the pictures. But in the end, she thinks she “really kicked ass.”
Next up are the boys. Jason is up first and he goes into this long explanation to the model about how she is the moon and she is made of cheese and there are NASA moonbuggies crawling on her arse… and lunar eclipse… and spacelab… and sputnik… and alf… The model is standing there looking at him like:
“Dude, I am freaking naked and covered in yellow polka dots wearing one of Marie Antoinette’s moldy wigs and a pair of leftover eyelashes from I Love New York. Can you PLEASE just tell me how to pose so I can go wash your nerd cooties off of me?”
Eventually he tells her to lay on her back with her head hanging upside down. During his entire shoot, we get voice over from his confessional saying how the other two guys are dead weight and he knows everything and no one gives him credit for being a mastermind… blah blah blah. You know. Jason chat. Next up is Airic who is sending the creepy perv vibe he generally does when around models.
So there is a glimpse of him telling the cameras that he is not distracted by a naked woman at all and then moments later show him stammering and flailing his arms in front of her. Classic! During the shoot, he starts saying these things generally reserved for the bedroom… “Oh baby.. so hot… so hot… oh don’t move… yeah right there.. cup your body…” This guy is the skeeziest dude I’ve seen since my last family reunion! During this, to break the lovin’ vibe, Jason is droning on and on about how he set the light and fixed the reflector and blah blah blah. Yeah, Jason.. we STILL get it. You know everything and no one appreciates your genius. But then again, maybe he is right because we now see John getting advice from Jason and then claiming to make it his own. When Jason offers more, John disses him and tells him he doesn’t need his advice. A bit late for that isn’t it, Johnboy? During his shoot, Jason continues his bitch fit but I can’t give you specifics. I took that moment to get a cola, but I can guess. I bet you can too.
Back at the house… oh crap. I should have made some nachos too because Jason is STILL complaining about how much he does and how little appreciation he gets. Even if it might be true, it is still annoying to hear him constantly drone on about it. I’ll fast forward through it.
Elimination time! Russell explains everything for the sponsors’ benefit… blah blah Marie Claire.. blah blah Vaseline… Victoria’s Secret. Whatever. We hear it every week.
Dean’s team is up first for their evaluations. Maria’s Earth and Dean’s Fire get rave reviews. Unfortunately, Robin’s Wind falls flat. They criticize her lighting which makes it look different from the other shots (like we couldn’t see that coming) and generally tell her that her images are lifeless. But overall they felt it worked as a campaign.
The first comments about the next team’s campaign is that they didn’t follow the brief to give one close up of the face and one full body shot. Uh oh! They were all over Jason about how crappy his Moon photos looked. He tried to salvage himself by giving the judges the same sputnik speech he gave to the model, but they weren’t buying it either. John’s Sun came next and the judges all signed up for his fan club, but come on… The sun and gold bronzer. That is a bit of a no brainer isn’t it? Make him take pictures of polka dot moonie girl and see what they look like! Last… and well… least… is the perv, Airic. They are equally critical of his Stars especially the fact that both shots are nearly the same. Oooh… and then Airic had the nerve to say that if he had more time he would have done better. Oh no he didn’t! Saying that is the same as ASKING to go home. Dumbass… don’t you watch reality tv?
The judges deliberate. Dean’s team is the winning team, but John has the winning photograph out of everyone. Jason and Airic are in the final two and the perv is sent packing. He was smiling though because they let him take his year’s supply of Vaseline. Ah… I love happy endings. Don’t you?
And just when I was starting to worry that things would get boring without Piper’s self absorbed confessionals, Robin steps up to the plate and lets us know that she had a really hard time last week because she is a professional photographer. And talented. And tries really hard to look cool. And is a professional photographer. And what is up with Russell invalidating her talent by thinking other people are better than she is. Doesn’t he know that she shot the first Marilyn Manson album cover?! She shoots rock and roll, baby… Russell only shoots half naked women. What does he know?
And while we are on the topic of half naked women, next we check in with Airic the perv who is complaining about not getting a good critique on his photo last week. Dean puts it all into perspective though… as only Dean can… by telling him that it is all about a winning mentality and he just doesn’t have it. Then he tells him that he’ll probably take better pictures if he holds the camera with both hands and stops balancing it on his knob. Hmm.. wait… maybe it was me that said that. My bad.
It’s Russell on the Big Screen time! He tells them to meet him at the studio in 15 minutes. After a quick LA freeway and “special kids” van montage, they arrive at the studio and see that Russell is standing there with a mischievous look on his face. The curtain behind Russell drops and you see a glass room with bowls of food on a table. Jason asks the camera, “Why is our lunch inside the glass cage?” What the hell do they feed them on that show? Because that didn’t look like any lunch I would eat. There was raw meat and frosting and moldy spaghetti.
Blueberries, raw meat, eggs..? Anyone ever heard of a Big Mac, for crying out loud?! Sucks to be them. But wait… it isn’t lunch… it’s a FOOD FIGHT!!!!! Russell explains that they are going to create texture on each other by having a food fight and the person who creates the most texture will shoot first. Their goal is to produce a sensual photo showing texture. The cast starts laughing hysterically at the idea of the food fight. For a really long time. Uncomfortably long. Long enough for them to pan through each one and show them in open mouth laughter. My neighbor used to laugh like that. Then they put him in the home.
Now just when I thought that this would be the best shoot for my girl, Robin, because she is a rock and roll girl. I figured that she has had food fights with Limp Bizkit and the Smashing Pumpkins and uh… Jimi Hendrix or whatever. But no! She has a weird mustard thing which turns her into one of the girls from that Two Girls One Cup video. I finally start to get interested in this show. Spewing always makes for good TV. She issues orders to her fellow castmates about what they are and are not allowed to throw at her. They basically give her the finger and shove each other out of the way trying to get to the mustard. John the wedding photographer guy gets to the table first and dumps everything on the floor. Mayhem erupts with everyone throwing food and dishes and stray cats and anything else they can find at each other while Rock’n Robin stands to one side dry heaving while telling everyone about the whole Marilyn Manson cover and how she is really talented. And a professional. Then she tells the camera that it is a good thing she didn’t eat breakfast or she would have covered the room in puke. You bitch! That would have made this the best episode in all reality tvdom! Now, Gasmii… am I right or am I right? When you are sitting around talking about your shows… like I know you do… and someone brought up the best show ever. You KNOW you would say… “Remember that time with the food fight and the girl barfed and they threw the barf around and then they rolled in it and then they took pictures of it and then…” You totally know you would.
So Russell congratulates everyone on how much texture they created and says he can’t pick a winner. See, Robin!? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! You would have won! In the end, John the wedding photographer got to shoot first because he suffered a microscopic scratch from a pie tin. Barfing would have SO trumped that. I guess I’ll have to just get over it and move on. *sniffle*
So anyway, click click click… everyone is taking photographs. Then Jason has Maria lay with her legs spread on the wall below a piece of raw meat that was clinging disgustingly to the window. Jason said the image of Maria giving birth to the wad of raw meat was thinking so far out of the box that it was on another planet. Yeah… the planet Tightass. Maria, never one to be outdone, takes the grossness factor one further by asking Rock’n Robin to lay on top of John the wedding photographer. I can’t really decide if just that alone would be gross enough to outshine the raw meat birth or if she was trying to make Robin even more nauseous. It was apparently the latter because that idea had to be aborted as she was going to vomit in his mouth. See? I told you she was trying to be one of the girls from that video! I am so clairvoyant, it’s scary.
Back at the room to clean up, Rock’n proclaims to Dean that she would have rather drowned than be in that food fight. That would have made for good tv too! Death and vomit always draw viewers. But no… she didn’t die either. She just isn’t trying hard enough.
Eventually, everyone has washed off all of the funk and are ready to hear the results. Russell tells them that they all did well and everyone gets positive feedback. Cut to Jason talking to the camera saying that he “damn near nailed it.” Seems like after every challenge, Jason tells us that he nailed it yet he never wins. I think he should try nailing something else.
Team leaders are chosen and Surprise Surprise! Jason isn’t one of them. Neither is Rock’n. The chosen ones are Dean… because, let’s face it, he’s scary and has killed people before… and John… because he sort of looks like Jesus. You know… if Jesus used way too many hair products and worked as a wedding photographer instead of doing the whole water and wine thing. Squint your eyes. You’ll see it.
The whole schoolyard pick thing happens just because they like to humiliate Maria every week. They do this to keep her humble because she actually has some talent and is otherwise normal compared to the rest of these freaks. Maria tells us that John must have a strategy for not picking her because they are so close. Honey… he is just not that into you. Alright, here are Snootchy’s quick three ways to tell that a guy isn’t going to be your boyfriend: 1. He tells you that your hair looks like someone vomited in it. 2. He lets you get picked last. 3. He is Jesus.
The final teams are John, Jason and Airic and Dean, Maria and Rock’n. The challenge is to shoot a campaign for Vincent Longo Cosmetics. Each team will be given 3 of his products. Each person needs to take two photographs. One is a close up of the face and one is a full body shot. They are supposed to use their product to create texture in the photo. The Jesus trio are given the theme of Sun, Moon and Stars and the Warrior group are given Earth, Wind and Fire.
Both teams retire back to their apartment to play with their make up and formulate their ideas. Team Warmachine has both girls on it so they are happily playing with the lipstick and other items. Dean has trouble fitting in and admits he has no experience with make up and beauty.
In the other room, the guys take turns putting make up on Jason and then they all spoon for a while and talk about their first kiss. John tells the group that his great idea for the campaign is to get the models naked. Airic immediately gets his perv face on and secretly rejoices that this show is sponsored by Vaseline. Jason is disgusted and tells us how disrespectful that would be and rants how John doesn’t know anything about marketing or advertising. He says that all he understands is gold paint and nudity. We call that Friday night with Grandma at ole Snootchy’s house, but I digress.
The next day the whole gang goes down to the photo studio to see Russell and they meet Vincent Longo himself who will be doing the make up for the shoot. And shocker of all shockers…. the models are nude and covered with paint! See… I told you. John has powers. *nods sagely* Maria goes first and rocks it, of course. During her shoot, she asks Vincent how he likes it so far and he mentions the light isn’t moody enough. So she changes the light to accommodate his views. Dean goes next and actually behaves in a polite and respectful way. It must have been all of the girl bonding over make up the night before. He tells the camera that he has never shot beauty so he asks for and accepts the advice of the girls. As expected, he rocks it. Then comes Robin. The first thing she does is change the light so that it is bright on the model. When it comes time to shoot, Vincent keeps stepping into the frame to adjust the model’s make up so she has difficulty taking the pictures. But in the end, she thinks she “really kicked ass.”
Next up are the boys. Jason is up first and he goes into this long explanation to the model about how she is the moon and she is made of cheese and there are NASA moonbuggies crawling on her arse… and lunar eclipse… and spacelab… and sputnik… and alf… The model is standing there looking at him like:
“Dude, I am freaking naked and covered in yellow polka dots wearing one of Marie Antoinette’s moldy wigs and a pair of leftover eyelashes from I Love New York. Can you PLEASE just tell me how to pose so I can go wash your nerd cooties off of me?”
Eventually he tells her to lay on her back with her head hanging upside down. During his entire shoot, we get voice over from his confessional saying how the other two guys are dead weight and he knows everything and no one gives him credit for being a mastermind… blah blah blah. You know. Jason chat. Next up is Airic who is sending the creepy perv vibe he generally does when around models.
So there is a glimpse of him telling the cameras that he is not distracted by a naked woman at all and then moments later show him stammering and flailing his arms in front of her. Classic! During the shoot, he starts saying these things generally reserved for the bedroom… “Oh baby.. so hot… so hot… oh don’t move… yeah right there.. cup your body…” This guy is the skeeziest dude I’ve seen since my last family reunion! During this, to break the lovin’ vibe, Jason is droning on and on about how he set the light and fixed the reflector and blah blah blah. Yeah, Jason.. we STILL get it. You know everything and no one appreciates your genius. But then again, maybe he is right because we now see John getting advice from Jason and then claiming to make it his own. When Jason offers more, John disses him and tells him he doesn’t need his advice. A bit late for that isn’t it, Johnboy? During his shoot, Jason continues his bitch fit but I can’t give you specifics. I took that moment to get a cola, but I can guess. I bet you can too.
Back at the house… oh crap. I should have made some nachos too because Jason is STILL complaining about how much he does and how little appreciation he gets. Even if it might be true, it is still annoying to hear him constantly drone on about it. I’ll fast forward through it.
Elimination time! Russell explains everything for the sponsors’ benefit… blah blah Marie Claire.. blah blah Vaseline… Victoria’s Secret. Whatever. We hear it every week.
Dean’s team is up first for their evaluations. Maria’s Earth and Dean’s Fire get rave reviews. Unfortunately, Robin’s Wind falls flat. They criticize her lighting which makes it look different from the other shots (like we couldn’t see that coming) and generally tell her that her images are lifeless. But overall they felt it worked as a campaign.
The first comments about the next team’s campaign is that they didn’t follow the brief to give one close up of the face and one full body shot. Uh oh! They were all over Jason about how crappy his Moon photos looked. He tried to salvage himself by giving the judges the same sputnik speech he gave to the model, but they weren’t buying it either. John’s Sun came next and the judges all signed up for his fan club, but come on… The sun and gold bronzer. That is a bit of a no brainer isn’t it? Make him take pictures of polka dot moonie girl and see what they look like! Last… and well… least… is the perv, Airic. They are equally critical of his Stars especially the fact that both shots are nearly the same. Oooh… and then Airic had the nerve to say that if he had more time he would have done better. Oh no he didn’t! Saying that is the same as ASKING to go home. Dumbass… don’t you watch reality tv?
The judges deliberate. Dean’s team is the winning team, but John has the winning photograph out of everyone. Jason and Airic are in the final two and the perv is sent packing. He was smiling though because they let him take his year’s supply of Vaseline. Ah… I love happy endings. Don’t you?