flipit
12-26-2007, 10:51 PM
Frosty the Snowman
By AmandaMo
Oh childhood memories of Christmas! There is nothing cozier than remembering that time in our lives when we still believed in the magic. Sipping hot cocoa by the neatly hung stockings, getting belly aches from eating too much cookie dough, and stealthily avoiding the mistletoe in fear of getting bombarded by grandma’s orange-lipsticked, eggnog-breath kisses. And nothing fills me with more nostalgia than watching a bloated snowman fugitive thief escape to the North Pole with a child hostage in his hands.
“Frosty the Snowman” opens with a phantom emerging from the mist with a voice that sounds like the Crime Dog himself: McGruff. He explains that Christmas time creates a different kind of snow. The kind of snow that makes the happy happier, the giddy even giddier and the roads as wondrous as a big, juicy cold sore. He then laments his world- famous advice for stopping crime before it happens and tells all the children to “Take a bite out of crime!”
We are then taken to a schoolhouse where the children are busily drawing phallic symbols on the foggy windows. Of course their twit of a teacher disrupts their sexual exploratory fun by telling them that the snow can wait. As they sulk back to their seats, I notice that half of them are wearing shorts. Whoever made this film either doesn’t understand appropriate dress for the weather or is a total pedophile who wants to see a little extra prepubescent leg.
The ventriloquist of a teacher whose words don’t even try to match up with the movement of her mouth introduces Professor Hinkle, a magician with large features who is dressed to the nines. Last I checked, in order to have the title “Professor,” one had to graduate from a university with a Ph.D. Now I don’t know what bad joke-telling, creepy ass clown school this man went to, but I must call his credentials into question. However, if he majored in “How to Channel the Energy and Looks of Count Chocula,” then I suppose he would have passed with flying colors.
Anyway, there is something innately sinister about Count Chocula. He looks like he was hit with a stun gun that was set on “evil.” I think this is a great lesson that the Crime Dog is trying to teach the children here. It’s important for them to know that evil people don’t look like us. They usually have mustaches that curl up at the ends for them to creepily twirl and sport eerily green-toned skin.
The Count, we are told, is the worst magician ever. And to punctuate this point, he picks up his hat and a bunch of garbage falls out. We see playing cards, dice, balls and what looks like the Lindberg Baby. He proceeds to poach some eggs on the floor and then tosses his hat toward the trash can where it belongs. The hat bounces off and gives birth to the Trix Rabbit who hops out the door with hat on head in search of fruity cereals.
The bell rings and the kids gang rape the Count as they run out the door. One of the kids actually sleds through the schoolyard, which makes sense because I used to take my sled to school all the time. You know, totally normal.
This is where we are introduced to Karen who doesn’t even bother to wear pants at all. She is just wearing a very short coat and the biggest boots of all time. The Rice Crispies gang -- Snap, Crackle and Pop – push a large snowball in her direction and tell her to make the head for their monster. “The head is the most difficult part,” Karen McNo-Pants exclaims. Yeah, you’re preaching to the choir here. My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that all the time.
Apparently not realizing that a smoking pipe is total kryptonite to snowmen, the kids shove one into his mouth and give him a broom to make him their slave. They discuss what to name him, throwing out names like Harold, Oatmeal and something completely unintelligible that the baby muttered. The kids seem completely appalled by the Oatmeal suggestion, but I think it’s not bad compared to whatever load of shit the baby just spewed forth.
McNo-Pants suggests “Frosty,” and they like it so much that they break into song. As they sing, I reach for my first Jaeger bomb because I would rather have blood in my urine than listen to kids attempting to sing and a light lubrication of alcohol is the only thing making it bearable. The Trix Rabbit hops toward them – looking for Trix no doubt – and the hat flies off of him and into the magical hands of No-Pants who puts it on Frosty’s head.
Frosty’s eyes light up and he exclaims, “Happy Birthday!” I’m not sure if he is wishing himself a happy birthday because, in a way, he was just born? Or if he is wishing a happy birthday to our lord savior Jesus Christ who is the reason for the season? Either way, Frosty just seems like a slurring, bloated boozebag to me. Kind of reminiscent of my Uncle Walter who has entered – and failed out of – A.A. about 29 times. Is your nose really red because it’s a painted button, Frosty? Or did all that alcohol cause dilation of the surface capillaries on your skin? We’re not stupid; we can spot the tell-tale signs of alcoholism miles away, my friend.
No-Pants, who is dumber than a box of hair, seems to have a delayed reaction and notifies the rest of the children that the hat brought Boozy to life. Really, our pantsless heroine? And here I’m sure the other kids just thought they were having a really bad acid flashback.
When Count Chocula realizes the hat is magic, of course he wants it back. Now, I have to say that I think our vampiric friend has a point here. I mean, I’m not an expert in Constitutional law or anything, but the hat is most likely still legally his. It reminds me of that one time when my neighbor’s cat wandered into my apartment. It was on my property, and, much like Boozy, it did make me feel alive, too. But that doesn’t mean that the law didn’t eventually intervene and pry it out of my sobbing grasp.
Then the credits begin. Geez, what the fuck did I just watch!? ALL that was just the prologue!? Okay, this is going to be a long night. Another Jaeger bomb, please.
The credits look like that were made by a toddler at a computer who had never used a mouse before. And with this we discover that the Crime Dog narrator with an enormous schnozz is none other than Jimmy Durante!!! Too bad that I was born within the past century, otherwise I might stand a chance of knowing who that was.
The Crime Dog starts the next scene by saying that the hat did indeed belong to Boozy and the children. He must have known that everyone in the audience would be silently referring back to their high school civics classes. But brainwashing doesn’t work unless you keep repeating the same mantra to a person over and over, so with Crime Dog’s reinforcement, I am beginning to doubt my own value system.
The Trix Rabbit escapes from Chocula and bolts back to the children. Silly Rabbit! Don’t you know that those assholes are just going to steal your delicious fruit-flavored, sweetened, ground-corn pieces? Anyway, because the hat is covering his eyes, I will just assume that rabbits are fully equipped with sonar.
Karen, with her trampy skirt and all, put the hat back on Boozy just in time to hear him slur “Happy Birthday” for the second time in a row. Boozy then goes into some monologue about how he’s alive and then chuckles and asks himself what the joke was. He asks and answers so many of his own questions that I’ve decided that he’s not just a boozebag but also completely suffering from split personality disorder or schizophrenia or something that requires some sort of diagnosis. He tries to count on his fingers but because he has five fingers on one hand and four on the other, things get a little difficult. I suddenly have a full understanding for why mutants are so bad at math.
So the naked snowman, who is only wearing a hat, and the scantily clad children dance around to celebrate his birthday. (I guess this does explain why he is only in his birthday suit.) I notice that although Boozy does have legs – unlike any snowman I’ve ever seen – he doesn’t seem to be anatomically correct. Unless he’s like an animal where all his parts suck back in. So I’m not sure if you can technically be a pedophile if you have no parts. But if you’ve ever seen the movie “Little Children,” then I think we both know the answer to that question. However, if his parts do suck back in, making him of animal nature, then there enters the question of bestiality, which I’m not sure I want to venture into at this time. So let’s move on.
Boozy dances so hard that he melts a little. Or at least that’s what he claims. I’m still pretty sure that this boozebag is just getting the beer sweats. Trust me, I’ve seen this a lot during late Sunday morning visits to the I.H.O.P. where hungover half-alive drunks sweat into their pancakes even though it’s zero degrees outside. There is really nothing more appetizing, if you ask me.
Just then, we see a thermometer that literally rises from about 32-degrees to over 100. Okay, Al Gore, we get the point! The earth is getting warmer; now get off our backs! The sweaty, red nose boozebag says that he needs to get to the North Pole. And even though No-Pants has only known him for one ear-splitting song, she cares about him enough to want to escort him all the way there. So they form a conga line and head toward the train station.
After passing several of the town’s finest freaks, No-Pants and Boozy make it to the train station, and it turns out that there is no direct route to the North Pole. Frosty will need exactly 384 separate tickets that are covered with sound effects. The whole debacle will cost him $3000.04 including tax. When our pantsless wonder says they have no money, the ticket salesman is completely shocked. Especially because he’s seen her working the corner in her short skirt so many times. But apparently she just blows it all on crack.
I’m feeling so hopeless that I almost cry, but then the Trix Rabbit intervenes and directs Boozy over to a serendipitously placed refrigerated train car. The car is full of ice cream and other frozen treats. As Boozy comments that it looks delicious, I begin to wonder...If Boozy eats a sno-cone, then does that make him a cannibal? I mean, does it? I really want to know. That’s why I’m asking.
No-Pants says that she’ll come too and that her mom won’t mind as long as she’s home for supper. I’m just going to go out on a limb here, Pantsy, and say that unless this train enters a worm hole that magically connects whatever-the-hell town you’re in to Santaville, there is no way you’ll be home by dinner. Just a hunch!
Chocula hangs on to the bottom of the train, and I am flooded with images from “Cape Fear” when Robert DeNiro straps himself underneath Nick Nolte’s car with a belt in order to follow his family to their house boat. But for some reason, I find Chocula to be an even scarier image. He then says “Think nasty” three times in a row. He must subscribe to the Beatlejuice school of thought – that if you say something three times in a row, then it materializes.
The Crime Dog then explains to us that the car is too cold for No-Pants who is only wearing a bra at this point. She is shaking harder than a crack addict in a detox program. Boozy asks if she’s cold and then he answers himself again. Further evidence that he is lacking a much-needed psychological analysis.
The train stops to let another train pass, but unless I’m the dumbest person on earth, I am pretty sure that you are supposed to stop BEFORE the crossing. You aren’t supposed to pass over it and THEN stop so the passing train can go behind you. Unless this is Crazy Backwards Land, which it very well may be for that would explain why Karen thinks it’s a good idea to be virtually naked in the snow. While the train is stopped, Boozebag, Trix and Naked McKaren jump off. Choco jumps off too but his fall is much farther and he slides down an entire cliff. When he falls it clamors so badly that I assume his body must be made out of assorted silverware and indoor plumbing.
Boozy carries No-Pants in his arms to keep her warm. I know that when I’m freezing that’s always what I want. To be cradled in even more snow! Luckily they run into woodland animals who are decorating the forest for Santa who is on schedule to arrive that evening.
Boozy wants to start a fire, but he can’t be near flames. (Of course that doesn’t stop him from smoking a pipe though.) Trix does some charades and a couple squirrels feel so inspired that they rub a few sticks and start a fire. Good job Crime Dog! For this is yet another good lesson for children viewers. Starting a fire in a wooded area is always a great idea. And where did they find such agreeable rodents anyhow? The squirrels that chewed through my screen door and broke into my junior year apartment in college were certainly not as forgiving. My zucchini bread fell casualty to their healthy appetites that horrible July morning. I’ve been terrified of squirrels ever sense.
Trix plays charades again and Boozy decides that the only person who can help get No-Pants home is Santa. Then darkness falls and a search party is combing the woods to find No-Pants. That party is comprised solely of Chocula because he’s the only one who seems to take an interest in a missing girl who never made it home from school. To escape from Choco, Pantsy jumps on Boozy’s back and they soar down the hill. Crime Dog interjects to tell us that Boozy is “the fastest belly whopper in the world.” Belly whopper? I’m assuming that is some sort of North Pole prison slang.
At the bottom of the hill, there is a conveniently placed greenhouse. Okay, we get it, Al Gore! That’s enough! Stop with the subliminal placing of a greenhouse to cue us to remember the greenhouse gases, which are slowly destroying our planet and therefore us.
They go into the greenhouse and Boozy gets the beer sweats again. Choco huffs and puffs toward the greenhouse and shuts the door. What kind of backwards door locks from the outside, so you can’t get out? Oh well, I guess it is Crazy Backwards Land after all…
Just then, Santa arrives. And I don’t know what Boozy and Pantsy were doing in there, but whatever it was caused Boozy to either melt or completely juice all over the place. We see a memory montage in the reflection of his dead melted snowman carcass. But it’s not too late after all! Santa reminds No-Pants of the magic of Christmas snow! We get a good lesson in atmospheric science and Boozy materializes.
Then Choco comes out from behind the tree to reclaim his hat. Santa says that if he takes the hat (which I still am pretty sure rightfully belongs to Choc, so that just shows you how much Santa knows about fairness), then he’ll never get another Christmas present ever again. Apparently, even though Chocs is a full grown adult, he still has yet to realize that Santa doesn’t really exist, so he falls for it and backs off. Chocky runs off and Santa puts the hat back on Boozy, prompting him to say “Happy Birthday.” It’s good to see that he’s still as delusional as ever.
Santa returns No-Pants to her home by way of sleigh and then takes Boozy to safety at the North Pole. Apparently you can take the snow out of the snowman, but you can never take the booze out of Christmas. Or something.
So what did you guys think? Did the hat still rightfully belong to Chocula? Was Boozy just a drunken pedophile on the run? And why wasn’t Karen wearing any pants?
By AmandaMo
Oh childhood memories of Christmas! There is nothing cozier than remembering that time in our lives when we still believed in the magic. Sipping hot cocoa by the neatly hung stockings, getting belly aches from eating too much cookie dough, and stealthily avoiding the mistletoe in fear of getting bombarded by grandma’s orange-lipsticked, eggnog-breath kisses. And nothing fills me with more nostalgia than watching a bloated snowman fugitive thief escape to the North Pole with a child hostage in his hands.
“Frosty the Snowman” opens with a phantom emerging from the mist with a voice that sounds like the Crime Dog himself: McGruff. He explains that Christmas time creates a different kind of snow. The kind of snow that makes the happy happier, the giddy even giddier and the roads as wondrous as a big, juicy cold sore. He then laments his world- famous advice for stopping crime before it happens and tells all the children to “Take a bite out of crime!”
We are then taken to a schoolhouse where the children are busily drawing phallic symbols on the foggy windows. Of course their twit of a teacher disrupts their sexual exploratory fun by telling them that the snow can wait. As they sulk back to their seats, I notice that half of them are wearing shorts. Whoever made this film either doesn’t understand appropriate dress for the weather or is a total pedophile who wants to see a little extra prepubescent leg.
The ventriloquist of a teacher whose words don’t even try to match up with the movement of her mouth introduces Professor Hinkle, a magician with large features who is dressed to the nines. Last I checked, in order to have the title “Professor,” one had to graduate from a university with a Ph.D. Now I don’t know what bad joke-telling, creepy ass clown school this man went to, but I must call his credentials into question. However, if he majored in “How to Channel the Energy and Looks of Count Chocula,” then I suppose he would have passed with flying colors.
Anyway, there is something innately sinister about Count Chocula. He looks like he was hit with a stun gun that was set on “evil.” I think this is a great lesson that the Crime Dog is trying to teach the children here. It’s important for them to know that evil people don’t look like us. They usually have mustaches that curl up at the ends for them to creepily twirl and sport eerily green-toned skin.
The Count, we are told, is the worst magician ever. And to punctuate this point, he picks up his hat and a bunch of garbage falls out. We see playing cards, dice, balls and what looks like the Lindberg Baby. He proceeds to poach some eggs on the floor and then tosses his hat toward the trash can where it belongs. The hat bounces off and gives birth to the Trix Rabbit who hops out the door with hat on head in search of fruity cereals.
The bell rings and the kids gang rape the Count as they run out the door. One of the kids actually sleds through the schoolyard, which makes sense because I used to take my sled to school all the time. You know, totally normal.
This is where we are introduced to Karen who doesn’t even bother to wear pants at all. She is just wearing a very short coat and the biggest boots of all time. The Rice Crispies gang -- Snap, Crackle and Pop – push a large snowball in her direction and tell her to make the head for their monster. “The head is the most difficult part,” Karen McNo-Pants exclaims. Yeah, you’re preaching to the choir here. My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that all the time.
Apparently not realizing that a smoking pipe is total kryptonite to snowmen, the kids shove one into his mouth and give him a broom to make him their slave. They discuss what to name him, throwing out names like Harold, Oatmeal and something completely unintelligible that the baby muttered. The kids seem completely appalled by the Oatmeal suggestion, but I think it’s not bad compared to whatever load of shit the baby just spewed forth.
McNo-Pants suggests “Frosty,” and they like it so much that they break into song. As they sing, I reach for my first Jaeger bomb because I would rather have blood in my urine than listen to kids attempting to sing and a light lubrication of alcohol is the only thing making it bearable. The Trix Rabbit hops toward them – looking for Trix no doubt – and the hat flies off of him and into the magical hands of No-Pants who puts it on Frosty’s head.
Frosty’s eyes light up and he exclaims, “Happy Birthday!” I’m not sure if he is wishing himself a happy birthday because, in a way, he was just born? Or if he is wishing a happy birthday to our lord savior Jesus Christ who is the reason for the season? Either way, Frosty just seems like a slurring, bloated boozebag to me. Kind of reminiscent of my Uncle Walter who has entered – and failed out of – A.A. about 29 times. Is your nose really red because it’s a painted button, Frosty? Or did all that alcohol cause dilation of the surface capillaries on your skin? We’re not stupid; we can spot the tell-tale signs of alcoholism miles away, my friend.
No-Pants, who is dumber than a box of hair, seems to have a delayed reaction and notifies the rest of the children that the hat brought Boozy to life. Really, our pantsless heroine? And here I’m sure the other kids just thought they were having a really bad acid flashback.
When Count Chocula realizes the hat is magic, of course he wants it back. Now, I have to say that I think our vampiric friend has a point here. I mean, I’m not an expert in Constitutional law or anything, but the hat is most likely still legally his. It reminds me of that one time when my neighbor’s cat wandered into my apartment. It was on my property, and, much like Boozy, it did make me feel alive, too. But that doesn’t mean that the law didn’t eventually intervene and pry it out of my sobbing grasp.
Then the credits begin. Geez, what the fuck did I just watch!? ALL that was just the prologue!? Okay, this is going to be a long night. Another Jaeger bomb, please.
The credits look like that were made by a toddler at a computer who had never used a mouse before. And with this we discover that the Crime Dog narrator with an enormous schnozz is none other than Jimmy Durante!!! Too bad that I was born within the past century, otherwise I might stand a chance of knowing who that was.
The Crime Dog starts the next scene by saying that the hat did indeed belong to Boozy and the children. He must have known that everyone in the audience would be silently referring back to their high school civics classes. But brainwashing doesn’t work unless you keep repeating the same mantra to a person over and over, so with Crime Dog’s reinforcement, I am beginning to doubt my own value system.
The Trix Rabbit escapes from Chocula and bolts back to the children. Silly Rabbit! Don’t you know that those assholes are just going to steal your delicious fruit-flavored, sweetened, ground-corn pieces? Anyway, because the hat is covering his eyes, I will just assume that rabbits are fully equipped with sonar.
Karen, with her trampy skirt and all, put the hat back on Boozy just in time to hear him slur “Happy Birthday” for the second time in a row. Boozy then goes into some monologue about how he’s alive and then chuckles and asks himself what the joke was. He asks and answers so many of his own questions that I’ve decided that he’s not just a boozebag but also completely suffering from split personality disorder or schizophrenia or something that requires some sort of diagnosis. He tries to count on his fingers but because he has five fingers on one hand and four on the other, things get a little difficult. I suddenly have a full understanding for why mutants are so bad at math.
So the naked snowman, who is only wearing a hat, and the scantily clad children dance around to celebrate his birthday. (I guess this does explain why he is only in his birthday suit.) I notice that although Boozy does have legs – unlike any snowman I’ve ever seen – he doesn’t seem to be anatomically correct. Unless he’s like an animal where all his parts suck back in. So I’m not sure if you can technically be a pedophile if you have no parts. But if you’ve ever seen the movie “Little Children,” then I think we both know the answer to that question. However, if his parts do suck back in, making him of animal nature, then there enters the question of bestiality, which I’m not sure I want to venture into at this time. So let’s move on.
Boozy dances so hard that he melts a little. Or at least that’s what he claims. I’m still pretty sure that this boozebag is just getting the beer sweats. Trust me, I’ve seen this a lot during late Sunday morning visits to the I.H.O.P. where hungover half-alive drunks sweat into their pancakes even though it’s zero degrees outside. There is really nothing more appetizing, if you ask me.
Just then, we see a thermometer that literally rises from about 32-degrees to over 100. Okay, Al Gore, we get the point! The earth is getting warmer; now get off our backs! The sweaty, red nose boozebag says that he needs to get to the North Pole. And even though No-Pants has only known him for one ear-splitting song, she cares about him enough to want to escort him all the way there. So they form a conga line and head toward the train station.
After passing several of the town’s finest freaks, No-Pants and Boozy make it to the train station, and it turns out that there is no direct route to the North Pole. Frosty will need exactly 384 separate tickets that are covered with sound effects. The whole debacle will cost him $3000.04 including tax. When our pantsless wonder says they have no money, the ticket salesman is completely shocked. Especially because he’s seen her working the corner in her short skirt so many times. But apparently she just blows it all on crack.
I’m feeling so hopeless that I almost cry, but then the Trix Rabbit intervenes and directs Boozy over to a serendipitously placed refrigerated train car. The car is full of ice cream and other frozen treats. As Boozy comments that it looks delicious, I begin to wonder...If Boozy eats a sno-cone, then does that make him a cannibal? I mean, does it? I really want to know. That’s why I’m asking.
No-Pants says that she’ll come too and that her mom won’t mind as long as she’s home for supper. I’m just going to go out on a limb here, Pantsy, and say that unless this train enters a worm hole that magically connects whatever-the-hell town you’re in to Santaville, there is no way you’ll be home by dinner. Just a hunch!
Chocula hangs on to the bottom of the train, and I am flooded with images from “Cape Fear” when Robert DeNiro straps himself underneath Nick Nolte’s car with a belt in order to follow his family to their house boat. But for some reason, I find Chocula to be an even scarier image. He then says “Think nasty” three times in a row. He must subscribe to the Beatlejuice school of thought – that if you say something three times in a row, then it materializes.
The Crime Dog then explains to us that the car is too cold for No-Pants who is only wearing a bra at this point. She is shaking harder than a crack addict in a detox program. Boozy asks if she’s cold and then he answers himself again. Further evidence that he is lacking a much-needed psychological analysis.
The train stops to let another train pass, but unless I’m the dumbest person on earth, I am pretty sure that you are supposed to stop BEFORE the crossing. You aren’t supposed to pass over it and THEN stop so the passing train can go behind you. Unless this is Crazy Backwards Land, which it very well may be for that would explain why Karen thinks it’s a good idea to be virtually naked in the snow. While the train is stopped, Boozebag, Trix and Naked McKaren jump off. Choco jumps off too but his fall is much farther and he slides down an entire cliff. When he falls it clamors so badly that I assume his body must be made out of assorted silverware and indoor plumbing.
Boozy carries No-Pants in his arms to keep her warm. I know that when I’m freezing that’s always what I want. To be cradled in even more snow! Luckily they run into woodland animals who are decorating the forest for Santa who is on schedule to arrive that evening.
Boozy wants to start a fire, but he can’t be near flames. (Of course that doesn’t stop him from smoking a pipe though.) Trix does some charades and a couple squirrels feel so inspired that they rub a few sticks and start a fire. Good job Crime Dog! For this is yet another good lesson for children viewers. Starting a fire in a wooded area is always a great idea. And where did they find such agreeable rodents anyhow? The squirrels that chewed through my screen door and broke into my junior year apartment in college were certainly not as forgiving. My zucchini bread fell casualty to their healthy appetites that horrible July morning. I’ve been terrified of squirrels ever sense.
Trix plays charades again and Boozy decides that the only person who can help get No-Pants home is Santa. Then darkness falls and a search party is combing the woods to find No-Pants. That party is comprised solely of Chocula because he’s the only one who seems to take an interest in a missing girl who never made it home from school. To escape from Choco, Pantsy jumps on Boozy’s back and they soar down the hill. Crime Dog interjects to tell us that Boozy is “the fastest belly whopper in the world.” Belly whopper? I’m assuming that is some sort of North Pole prison slang.
At the bottom of the hill, there is a conveniently placed greenhouse. Okay, we get it, Al Gore! That’s enough! Stop with the subliminal placing of a greenhouse to cue us to remember the greenhouse gases, which are slowly destroying our planet and therefore us.
They go into the greenhouse and Boozy gets the beer sweats again. Choco huffs and puffs toward the greenhouse and shuts the door. What kind of backwards door locks from the outside, so you can’t get out? Oh well, I guess it is Crazy Backwards Land after all…
Just then, Santa arrives. And I don’t know what Boozy and Pantsy were doing in there, but whatever it was caused Boozy to either melt or completely juice all over the place. We see a memory montage in the reflection of his dead melted snowman carcass. But it’s not too late after all! Santa reminds No-Pants of the magic of Christmas snow! We get a good lesson in atmospheric science and Boozy materializes.
Then Choco comes out from behind the tree to reclaim his hat. Santa says that if he takes the hat (which I still am pretty sure rightfully belongs to Choc, so that just shows you how much Santa knows about fairness), then he’ll never get another Christmas present ever again. Apparently, even though Chocs is a full grown adult, he still has yet to realize that Santa doesn’t really exist, so he falls for it and backs off. Chocky runs off and Santa puts the hat back on Boozy, prompting him to say “Happy Birthday.” It’s good to see that he’s still as delusional as ever.
Santa returns No-Pants to her home by way of sleigh and then takes Boozy to safety at the North Pole. Apparently you can take the snow out of the snowman, but you can never take the booze out of Christmas. Or something.
So what did you guys think? Did the hat still rightfully belong to Chocula? Was Boozy just a drunken pedophile on the run? And why wasn’t Karen wearing any pants?