flipit
12-26-2007, 11:08 PM
Ever since Bravo premiered the hour-long The Real Housewives of Orange County, I’ve worshipped the show for it’s hysterical depiction of five wealthy OC women and their families. From spoiled to controlling to ditzy to insane – this show has it all. And now with all of our scripted shows getting put on hold because of the WGA strike, now is a better time than ever to embrace Real Housewives.
If you’re a longtime fan of the show and are squealing with excitement that it’s back for a third season – I hear ya. The people on this show are so laugh-out-loud funny that their antics have caused the kind of hysterical laughing fits end with me falling off an elliptical machine. Vicki’s surprise visit to her son’s frat house anyone?
But if you’re new to the series, here’s a quick backstory: The unscripted reality show follows the lives of five “real housewives” who live in the tony community of Coto de Caza in Southern California. If we were using an SAT analogy here, The OC : Laguna Beach as Desperate Housewives : The Real Housewives. (Side note: Do they even use analogies in the SAT anymore? I thought I heard that they got rid of them. I feel old.) Vicki’s the type-A control freak, Lauri’s the shameless golddigger, Jeana’s the Playboy-Centerfold-cum-Real-Estate-Agent (rimshot!), Tammy’s the ho-hum single mom, and Tamra’s trying her hardest to act like “40’s the new 20.” Missing from the show this season is Jo, the twenty-something wannabe Eva Longoria, and her boyfriend/fiancé/manager/whatever, the flamingly metrosexual Slade Smiley. Yes, that’s his real name. Slade’s ability to be a controlling, manipulative douchebag gives Spencer from The Hills a run for his money.
The show opens with Vicki visiting a Mercedes dealership to buy her daughter a brand new car, just because she’s a good kid. Now, to be fair, Vicki’s daughter does seem to be very down-to-Earth and adjusted despite being surrounded by a bunch of rich crazies and she probably deserves a new car more than any of the other housewives’ spoiled brats.
Vicki pulls up to her daughter’s apartment in the Mercedes, leaning on the horn and shrieking at a pitch that only dogs can hear. Vicki continues to jump and scream while Briana looks a little stunned. But just wait Briana! You haven’t heard the best part! Because mommy only paid for the down payment, you get to drop $275 a month for your “present.” Yay!
Hmm Vicki. This seems a bit… oh… I don’t want to come right out and put words in your mouth like “controlling,” so I’ll let you explain it: “I feel sometimes I’m definitely holding it over their head but I have no other power anymore. I can’t ground them, I can’t spank them. So, the only power I have is financial and sometimes it works.” Herein lies the beauty of Vicki: she’s batshit crazy when it comes to being a control freak, but she’s completely aware of it. The girl is giddy with her need for power, and I love it.
Next we check back in with Lauri, who is meeting with her wedding planners as they scheme to spend more of George’s money on what will surely be a monstrously expensive wedding, even by OC standards.
Lauri then gives us her tired monologue about how she never thought she’d find true love again and she’s had such a hard life and someone was watching over her and blah blah. I mean really, does she think all of America is as dumb as she is? We watched her slut it up as in the first season and whine about her small apartment and then bam! Season Two comes along and Lauri’s found the love of her life who conveniently has a multi-acre ranch and a sprawling mansion complete with a rose garden the size of my house. Funny how that works…
Jeana’s really excited that her oldest son, Shane, finally got off of medical release so he can truly begin his career as a minor league baseball player. Now, I’m not an expert on the ins and outs of working your way up in the MLB, but I’m pretty sure that Shane is barely clinging on to the first rung of the ladder. This reminds me of the time that I knew a girl who told everyone that her boyfriend played for the Atlanta Braves. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that he was a backup catcher for the Braves’ AAA farm team and really just spent his time screwing around in rural North Carolina. I’m wondering if it’s the same story with Shane, and his baseball photo isn’t doing too much to convince me otherwise.
And now for the truly unfortunate twist in the show, we learn that Lou, Tammy’s ex-husband and father of her two teenage daughters, has passed away from a sudden heart attack. The older daughter, Megan, was at the house with him while he was dying. Worse still, Lou had failed to make a will to provide for his children, so his young Thai wife will inherit everything. The same Thai wife that kicked the girls out of his house two days after his death. Even though I’m not that crazy about Tammy and her daughters, I can’t even imagine having to go through this.
That being said, Tammy begins to go on and on about how she didn’t believe her daughter when Megan called her for help during the heart attack. She says that the thought her daughter was exaggerating for attention because she tends to cry wolf a lot, so she just didn’t believe her. Sadly, this isn’t the result of some crafty Hills-style editing, as we see nearly the whole thing in one, long confessional given directly to the cameras. Wow Tammy. You and Britney might have to duke it out for mother of the year.
Oooo it’s time to meet the new housewife! Tamra’s a mother of four who tells us she’s “The Hottest Housewife in Orange County.”
She then tells us how she had her 21-year-old son, Ryan, when she was only 18. Ryan clashes with Spencer, Tamra’s husband and father of her other three children. Ryan is the wedge in Tamra and Spencer’s relationship, and although he’s been out of the house for a few years, he’s moving back in while he looks for a job. Uh oh, trouble’s a brewin’.
Back to Jeana’s house where her daughter, Kara, is preparing for her big high school graduation bash. She’s hired a party planner who looks like she just graduated too… graduated from middle school that is.
Kara – who looks super cute as a brunette – explains that she has broken up with her boyfriend but is really excited to be attending Berkeley next year where she can “do naked protests in the trees and be amongst the differentness.” Yeah… let me know how that works out for you. Seriously though, good for her. Besides Briana in nursing school, the other teenage daughters on the show apparently can’t even stay afloat in a community college. Kara’s personable, smart, and ethically grounded so I’m sure she’ll flourish outside of the OC bubble.
Back to Tammy and her girls. Megan and Lindsey lounge around and contemplate life without Daddy Warbucks and his never ending supply of benjamins. Now they have to make their own money to pay for essentials like bills, groceries, and cheap hair extensions.
Apparently, recent events have also shattered Lindsey’s dream of going to Harvard. Hey sweetie? Legally Blonde wasn’t actually based on a true story, contrary to popular belief. I’m sorry I had to be the one to break it to you.
Vicki takes Briana out for dinner and slathers on the guilt about how Briana doesn’t come home to visit her mommy enough. Vicki’s concerned that Briana’s spending too much time with her boyfriend Colby. Briana casually brings up that she and Colby are planning to drive to Washington to go to a Dave Matthews concert. Vicki immediately shuts her down and tells her absolutely not. According to Vicki, she’s concerned that Briana might get pregnant that far away from home and Vicki wouldn’t be there to do anything about it in time. Um, Vicki? In time for what? Do we need to review some basic biology regarding conception and pregnancy? I’ve been to a Dave Matthews concert or two, and yes, some crazy shit has happened, but I’m almost positive that no one has ever gotten pregnant and consequently delivered the baby before the encore finishes. But DMB does sometimes break into extended solos which can make their concerts run pretty late, so you may be right. I’ll check on it and get back to you.
It’s time for Ryan to move his stuff into Tamra and Spencer’s house. While moving his stuff in, he finds one of his mom’s thongs, and looks a little too happy to see it.
When he calls her out on it later, she giggles like a schoolgirl. “Let me bring you your underwear,” he tells her, making me even more uncomfortable. He reads the label on the thong, it’s Victoria’s Secret PINK! See, 40 IS the new 20! It’s difficult to tell what’s more painful – this mother/son thong interaction or Tamra’s desperate attempts to act half her age.
Kara’s getting ready for graduation. Jeana makes an awkward joke about wearing heels when she modeled for Playboy. Kara’s dad and Shane can’t make it because they’re at Shane’s baseball training. Kara’s younger brother, Colton, skips the graduation. Kara pouts through her otherwise uneventful graduation party. Booooring.
At George’s McMansion, Lauri helps her daughter, Ashley, and George’s daughter, McKenzie, prep for a family BBQ. But this isn’t just a regular BBQ! George and Lauri have an exciting announcement to make. See, McKenzie is graduating from high school too, and has been begging – just begging! – her father to send her and all of her friends to South Beach for a graduation present. Lauri gets all excited because she thinks that they’ve faked out McKenzie. Lauri thinks McKenzie’s given up all hope of going! Silly woman. You know McKenzie’s already mentally packed her bags. Also, Laurie’s whole she-really-thinks-we’re-not-going-to-give-her-presents charade might be more convincing if it wasn’t coming from a woman who bought one of her daughters both a cell phone and a pony for her 9th birthday. True story.
McKenzie can barely fake a little enthusiasm, much less surprise. Neither can Ashley, who’s been dubbed the chaperone and gets to tag along. Lauri and George immediately lay on the rules – no alcohol and in bed by 10. Do they think that South Beach is some sort of religious sleepaway camp? Ashley points out that she’s 22 and can drink, and the parents don’t seem to register that they are essentially providing McKenzie with a buyer, not a chaperone. Lauri and George are going to have so much fun bailing their daughters out of jail after they’re charged with underage drinking and providing alcohol to minors. Viva South Beach!
It’s time for Ryan to sit down with his stepdad, Spencer and go over the rules that he’s made for Ryan to follow while he lives at home. Spencer opens up the discussion by telling Ryan that if it were up to him, Ryan wouldn’t be moving home because when Ryan’s at home, Spencer and Tamra fight so much that they talk about divorcing. Wow, way to embrace your stepson, Spencer! It’s too bad you’re married to Tamra – you and Tammy could make a great team when it comes to making your kids feel like crap.
Spencer got Ryan into a prestigious Mercedes training program and Ryan blew it off. Spencer’s pissed. So, he’s printed out a list of rules that Ryan has to abide by, including a 1am curfew on weeknights. Now Ryan’s pissed. We’ll see how long Ryan lasts at home. And also, does anyone else notice that Spencer seems to lapse into a weird accent every so often? To me it sounds like some East Coast hybrid – equal parts Boston, Long Island, and Jersey.
And so ends Episode 1. So what do you think? Will this season be able to top last season? Will Vicki ever loosen up a little? How much of George’s money will Lauri be able to spend on her wedding? Does Tamra have what it takes to fill Jo’s stilettos? Are you going to miss the Slade and his mantics? Thoughts/comments/opinions on the recap? I love me some constructive criticism.
If you’re a longtime fan of the show and are squealing with excitement that it’s back for a third season – I hear ya. The people on this show are so laugh-out-loud funny that their antics have caused the kind of hysterical laughing fits end with me falling off an elliptical machine. Vicki’s surprise visit to her son’s frat house anyone?
But if you’re new to the series, here’s a quick backstory: The unscripted reality show follows the lives of five “real housewives” who live in the tony community of Coto de Caza in Southern California. If we were using an SAT analogy here, The OC : Laguna Beach as Desperate Housewives : The Real Housewives. (Side note: Do they even use analogies in the SAT anymore? I thought I heard that they got rid of them. I feel old.) Vicki’s the type-A control freak, Lauri’s the shameless golddigger, Jeana’s the Playboy-Centerfold-cum-Real-Estate-Agent (rimshot!), Tammy’s the ho-hum single mom, and Tamra’s trying her hardest to act like “40’s the new 20.” Missing from the show this season is Jo, the twenty-something wannabe Eva Longoria, and her boyfriend/fiancé/manager/whatever, the flamingly metrosexual Slade Smiley. Yes, that’s his real name. Slade’s ability to be a controlling, manipulative douchebag gives Spencer from The Hills a run for his money.
The show opens with Vicki visiting a Mercedes dealership to buy her daughter a brand new car, just because she’s a good kid. Now, to be fair, Vicki’s daughter does seem to be very down-to-Earth and adjusted despite being surrounded by a bunch of rich crazies and she probably deserves a new car more than any of the other housewives’ spoiled brats.
Vicki pulls up to her daughter’s apartment in the Mercedes, leaning on the horn and shrieking at a pitch that only dogs can hear. Vicki continues to jump and scream while Briana looks a little stunned. But just wait Briana! You haven’t heard the best part! Because mommy only paid for the down payment, you get to drop $275 a month for your “present.” Yay!
Hmm Vicki. This seems a bit… oh… I don’t want to come right out and put words in your mouth like “controlling,” so I’ll let you explain it: “I feel sometimes I’m definitely holding it over their head but I have no other power anymore. I can’t ground them, I can’t spank them. So, the only power I have is financial and sometimes it works.” Herein lies the beauty of Vicki: she’s batshit crazy when it comes to being a control freak, but she’s completely aware of it. The girl is giddy with her need for power, and I love it.
Next we check back in with Lauri, who is meeting with her wedding planners as they scheme to spend more of George’s money on what will surely be a monstrously expensive wedding, even by OC standards.
Lauri then gives us her tired monologue about how she never thought she’d find true love again and she’s had such a hard life and someone was watching over her and blah blah. I mean really, does she think all of America is as dumb as she is? We watched her slut it up as in the first season and whine about her small apartment and then bam! Season Two comes along and Lauri’s found the love of her life who conveniently has a multi-acre ranch and a sprawling mansion complete with a rose garden the size of my house. Funny how that works…
Jeana’s really excited that her oldest son, Shane, finally got off of medical release so he can truly begin his career as a minor league baseball player. Now, I’m not an expert on the ins and outs of working your way up in the MLB, but I’m pretty sure that Shane is barely clinging on to the first rung of the ladder. This reminds me of the time that I knew a girl who told everyone that her boyfriend played for the Atlanta Braves. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that he was a backup catcher for the Braves’ AAA farm team and really just spent his time screwing around in rural North Carolina. I’m wondering if it’s the same story with Shane, and his baseball photo isn’t doing too much to convince me otherwise.
And now for the truly unfortunate twist in the show, we learn that Lou, Tammy’s ex-husband and father of her two teenage daughters, has passed away from a sudden heart attack. The older daughter, Megan, was at the house with him while he was dying. Worse still, Lou had failed to make a will to provide for his children, so his young Thai wife will inherit everything. The same Thai wife that kicked the girls out of his house two days after his death. Even though I’m not that crazy about Tammy and her daughters, I can’t even imagine having to go through this.
That being said, Tammy begins to go on and on about how she didn’t believe her daughter when Megan called her for help during the heart attack. She says that the thought her daughter was exaggerating for attention because she tends to cry wolf a lot, so she just didn’t believe her. Sadly, this isn’t the result of some crafty Hills-style editing, as we see nearly the whole thing in one, long confessional given directly to the cameras. Wow Tammy. You and Britney might have to duke it out for mother of the year.
Oooo it’s time to meet the new housewife! Tamra’s a mother of four who tells us she’s “The Hottest Housewife in Orange County.”
She then tells us how she had her 21-year-old son, Ryan, when she was only 18. Ryan clashes with Spencer, Tamra’s husband and father of her other three children. Ryan is the wedge in Tamra and Spencer’s relationship, and although he’s been out of the house for a few years, he’s moving back in while he looks for a job. Uh oh, trouble’s a brewin’.
Back to Jeana’s house where her daughter, Kara, is preparing for her big high school graduation bash. She’s hired a party planner who looks like she just graduated too… graduated from middle school that is.
Kara – who looks super cute as a brunette – explains that she has broken up with her boyfriend but is really excited to be attending Berkeley next year where she can “do naked protests in the trees and be amongst the differentness.” Yeah… let me know how that works out for you. Seriously though, good for her. Besides Briana in nursing school, the other teenage daughters on the show apparently can’t even stay afloat in a community college. Kara’s personable, smart, and ethically grounded so I’m sure she’ll flourish outside of the OC bubble.
Back to Tammy and her girls. Megan and Lindsey lounge around and contemplate life without Daddy Warbucks and his never ending supply of benjamins. Now they have to make their own money to pay for essentials like bills, groceries, and cheap hair extensions.
Apparently, recent events have also shattered Lindsey’s dream of going to Harvard. Hey sweetie? Legally Blonde wasn’t actually based on a true story, contrary to popular belief. I’m sorry I had to be the one to break it to you.
Vicki takes Briana out for dinner and slathers on the guilt about how Briana doesn’t come home to visit her mommy enough. Vicki’s concerned that Briana’s spending too much time with her boyfriend Colby. Briana casually brings up that she and Colby are planning to drive to Washington to go to a Dave Matthews concert. Vicki immediately shuts her down and tells her absolutely not. According to Vicki, she’s concerned that Briana might get pregnant that far away from home and Vicki wouldn’t be there to do anything about it in time. Um, Vicki? In time for what? Do we need to review some basic biology regarding conception and pregnancy? I’ve been to a Dave Matthews concert or two, and yes, some crazy shit has happened, but I’m almost positive that no one has ever gotten pregnant and consequently delivered the baby before the encore finishes. But DMB does sometimes break into extended solos which can make their concerts run pretty late, so you may be right. I’ll check on it and get back to you.
It’s time for Ryan to move his stuff into Tamra and Spencer’s house. While moving his stuff in, he finds one of his mom’s thongs, and looks a little too happy to see it.
When he calls her out on it later, she giggles like a schoolgirl. “Let me bring you your underwear,” he tells her, making me even more uncomfortable. He reads the label on the thong, it’s Victoria’s Secret PINK! See, 40 IS the new 20! It’s difficult to tell what’s more painful – this mother/son thong interaction or Tamra’s desperate attempts to act half her age.
Kara’s getting ready for graduation. Jeana makes an awkward joke about wearing heels when she modeled for Playboy. Kara’s dad and Shane can’t make it because they’re at Shane’s baseball training. Kara’s younger brother, Colton, skips the graduation. Kara pouts through her otherwise uneventful graduation party. Booooring.
At George’s McMansion, Lauri helps her daughter, Ashley, and George’s daughter, McKenzie, prep for a family BBQ. But this isn’t just a regular BBQ! George and Lauri have an exciting announcement to make. See, McKenzie is graduating from high school too, and has been begging – just begging! – her father to send her and all of her friends to South Beach for a graduation present. Lauri gets all excited because she thinks that they’ve faked out McKenzie. Lauri thinks McKenzie’s given up all hope of going! Silly woman. You know McKenzie’s already mentally packed her bags. Also, Laurie’s whole she-really-thinks-we’re-not-going-to-give-her-presents charade might be more convincing if it wasn’t coming from a woman who bought one of her daughters both a cell phone and a pony for her 9th birthday. True story.
McKenzie can barely fake a little enthusiasm, much less surprise. Neither can Ashley, who’s been dubbed the chaperone and gets to tag along. Lauri and George immediately lay on the rules – no alcohol and in bed by 10. Do they think that South Beach is some sort of religious sleepaway camp? Ashley points out that she’s 22 and can drink, and the parents don’t seem to register that they are essentially providing McKenzie with a buyer, not a chaperone. Lauri and George are going to have so much fun bailing their daughters out of jail after they’re charged with underage drinking and providing alcohol to minors. Viva South Beach!
It’s time for Ryan to sit down with his stepdad, Spencer and go over the rules that he’s made for Ryan to follow while he lives at home. Spencer opens up the discussion by telling Ryan that if it were up to him, Ryan wouldn’t be moving home because when Ryan’s at home, Spencer and Tamra fight so much that they talk about divorcing. Wow, way to embrace your stepson, Spencer! It’s too bad you’re married to Tamra – you and Tammy could make a great team when it comes to making your kids feel like crap.
Spencer got Ryan into a prestigious Mercedes training program and Ryan blew it off. Spencer’s pissed. So, he’s printed out a list of rules that Ryan has to abide by, including a 1am curfew on weeknights. Now Ryan’s pissed. We’ll see how long Ryan lasts at home. And also, does anyone else notice that Spencer seems to lapse into a weird accent every so often? To me it sounds like some East Coast hybrid – equal parts Boston, Long Island, and Jersey.
And so ends Episode 1. So what do you think? Will this season be able to top last season? Will Vicki ever loosen up a little? How much of George’s money will Lauri be able to spend on her wedding? Does Tamra have what it takes to fill Jo’s stilettos? Are you going to miss the Slade and his mantics? Thoughts/comments/opinions on the recap? I love me some constructive criticism.