flipit
01-06-2008, 10:05 PM
Supernatural: A priest, a demon and a redneck walk into a bar…
I had never heard of “Supernatural” before I was assigned to recap it for my Auditiongasm. But after a little Wikipedia research, I discovered that it is a show about a hot demon hunter and his Holy Water-happy brainy bro who travel the country in a 1957 Chevy Impala to solve supernatural events. And all the women they meet along the way are either prostitutes or demons. Go feminism!
The show opens in a Catholic church as we watch a nun place Bibles in the pews. An eerie breeze flows through the room, blowing out some of the candles. The nun offers a concerned look in their direction and then is startled from behind by a strangely handsome priest. I would like to confess my impure thoughts to him any day!
The priest says he will walk the nun to her car, and I am instantly surprised. Nuns drive!? I would LOVE to see what a nun-mobile looks like. But before we make it outside, a man named Andy calls from the balcony of the church. Andy says that God’s not with us and then takes out a gun and shoots himself in the face. The nun screams her head off! Like, literally, the scream is blood curdling and lasts forever. Apparently she never learned about the art of subtlety in her acting classes. I mean, I’ve never seen a stranger shoot himself before, but I still feel confident in saying that the nun overreacted.
The scene ends as “Supernatural” flashes on the screen in front of black clouds and lightning. And then we are taken into a house where an odd country bumpkin is repairing a gun with the help of hottie brother Dean. Sam enters and tells of the strange phenomena in Ohio with Andy blowing his brains out and all, and the brothers decide to go check it out. Then we discover that this is no ordinary gun, but a demon-killing Colt, which I guess I would have known had I ever seen this show before in my life. Apparently, it’s been blitzed to pieces and our favorite redneck Bobby is restoring it because that’s one of two things that rednecks do best: gun repair and incoherently racist ramblings.
Posing as insurance adjusters (and insurance adjusters are NEVER this hot, by the by), Dean and Sam go to the church to investigate Andy’s suicide. The priest tells us that Andy’s personality drastically changed two months ago as did the rest of the town. Dean and Sam exchange knowing looks and exit. Apparently, two months ago, a gate to hell was opened and 100 demons escaped. Did anyone else usedto watch the soap opera “Passions?” Because this plot sounds strangely similar to the episodes where Charity’s bedroom closet opened up into hell. Now I’m really hoping that this show will be like Passions! That show was awesome!
The brothers check into a hotel where they run into a man named Richie who looks exactly like Rocky’s friend Paulie from the Rocky movies with the hard New York accent and all. He also looks like he got dressed in the dark. A woman emerges from his hotel room, and because she is a woman we instantly know that she’s either (a) a prostitute or (b) a demon. Oh – oh – looks like he’s about to pay her! And he does! She must be option A: a prostitute!
Apparently Richie used to hunt demons with Dean a few years ago. I am instantly scared. THIS guy was a demon-hunter? If I were a demon, then I would be mortified to be killed by such a dummy. How embarrassing! Richie’s phone rings and he has a ringtone that sounds like music from a porno movie. Figures.
With Richie’s advice, the brothers go visit the bar whose owner, Trotter, has apparently corrupted the town and introduced gambling and hookers. The bar is packed with women, so something tells me that this is going to be dangerous. We find the priest sitting at the bar, and he is boozing and flirting with a hot bartender named Casey. Now this is my kind of priest! I would so totally go to his church of sin.
A bleary eyed man then walks into the bar and shoots another man playing pool. Dean tackles him to the ground, and Sam throws Holy Water on him with no results. It was then revealed that this man just really wanted to play pool and was tired of waiting for the table. Either that or the pool player slept with his wife. I can’t remember which.
Sam looks up to see the bald bar owner staring at him in an eerie “I’m imagining what your blood tastes like” kind of way.
We are next taken to a scene where Richie is getting out of a car with Casey. Casey is quite a nice looking female, so I can sense that something is up because no one like her would ever take home a man with such a bad accent unless it is to put him out of his misery. They enter a strange catacomb together and Richie gets nervous. He says that if they go back to his hotel room, he can offer oils. I’m not even joking. Oils. She looks up and her eyes are black, which means she was a demon. Of course she is! She is a woman afterall. She then breaks Richie’s neck, doing us all a favor.
I have to say, if all demons are as hot as this bartender is, then I really want to go to hell! Please book me a ticket asap!
Next we see what the redneck is up to, and unsurprisingly he is playing with the Colt. I really want to know if there is a timezone difference because it’s light out here and it was dark out when the bartender took Richie home. I guess I shouldn’t question the supernatural, but the space/time continuum seems a little warped.
Anyway, as redneck practices firing the gun at a burlap sack of sand, a cutie blonde demon materializes out of nowhere. And I recognize this demon to be none other than David Cassidy’s daughter! (And I am not going to admit how or why I know that. Let’s just say that I’ve watched a little too much MTV in my day.) Blonde Demon tells the redneck that the gun is no good and taunts him until he shoots her. I believe that she called him a “Panty Lace,” which I love! Okay, I kind of like this girl. Of course the bullet puts a hole in her but does not kill her because I would imagine that it’s probably pretty hard to kill the undead. I mean, we’ve all seen Michael Jackson’s “Thiller” video, so we know how it is. And in a strange turn of events, Blondie offers to help redneck with the gun.
Meanwhile, Dean is being propositioned by a – guess what!? – prostitute at the bar! He says he’s not interested because he likes the bartender, Casey. I guess with either woman he chooses, he’s rolling the dice. Either he’ll pick up a venereal disease or be killed, leaving his soul damned eternally to hell. I think I’d choose hell in this case, too, because all that itching and burning of a V.D. can get pretty irritating. Casey is so delighted that he would choose her over a prostitute that she takes him home that second.
Next we go to Sam who is breaking into Trotter’s office. But when Trotter and his old-fashioned goon discover him, Sam wimpily tosses Holy Water in their direction with results. And it is Awk. Ward. Sam rambles and then kind of shuffles away in shame.
Now we find Dean in the same mildewy lair with Casey where Richie died. Dean reveals that he knows she killed Richie, so she jumps at him Jackie Chan-style but is trapped by some doodle on the floor beneath the rug. Dean tries to read some gibberish from a book but the demon channels in a new weather system that rips the pages right out of his book and causes the walls to crumble, blocking every exit and trapping him.
Dean tries to speak gibberish from memory but fails. And it’s actually quite humorous. Hearing the crap he spews forth, the bartender mocks his bad Latin skills by saying, “I think you just ordered a pizza.” So far, I kind of want the demons to win. They are far more witty and entertaining! Girl power!
Sam is back at the bar and being propositioned by a prostitute, of course. She is eating a cherry, which looks strangely familiar! Hey, I think that’s my cherry! After all, I was a “Supernatural” virgin before this episode, and I think she has the cherry that just got popped. Sam asks a man bartender if he’s seen Dean and discovers that he left with Casey an hour ago. After paying the man, Sam finds out where she lives and goes. The prostitute is still licking the cherry – Hey, give that back!
Dean and Casey are becoming fast friends, and she reveals that she was the one who made Trotter turn the town into such a sinful place to get more business. “All you have to do is give humans a little nudge,” she explains. “Some whiskey here and a hooker there, and they’ll walk straight into hell.” Wow! So that’s how you get to hell?! Whiskey and hookers!? Who doesn’t go to hell then?
Sam goes to the bartender’s apartment and is disturbed by the sulfur he discovers on her desk. And here I thought the only troubling thing about sulfur was the horrendous fart smell! Apparently, it is more dangerous beyond that. This tips Sam off into realizing that bartender is quite the femme fatale.
Casey explains to Dean that demons follow some putz named Lucifer who fell from heaven because he refused to bow down to humans. Her story is kind of like everything we ever learned in Catholic school but with a slight twist. No one has ever seen Lucifer, but he knows when you’ve been sleeping, when you’re awake, when you’ve been good or bad and he leaves presents in your socks once a year.
Then she gets all political and says that Dick Cheney has a parking spot reserved for him downstairs. Oh I love it! I so want her to win now!
Back at the bar, Sam is talking to the priest. He explains that he can’t find Casey and his brother and fears something is wrong. The priest says he knows where they may be and will escort him there but not before turning to the camera and flashing his eyes black, revealing that he, too, is a demon. Finally! A man demon! This priest just got a whole lot sexier. As the priest is driving them to undisclosed location #1, he makes creepy small talk that is reminiscent of a spooky uncle right before he molests you.
Dean and Casey are getting closer and closer. This seems to be a really fucked up version of “The Blue Lagoon.” Two young people trapped with only each other as their bodies – and romantic feelings – blossom like a beautiful prepubescent flower. Casey tells Dean that after he killed Azazel, the yellow-eyed demon, Sam was supposed to lead their rebel demon army against the humans in a grand battle of Apocalyptic proportions. This is sounding less like a CW show and more like a new Mel Gibson movie at every turn. Anyway, since Sam never stepped up to the plate, now the demons are just kind of milling around without a leader.
Now we’re moving! Sam and the priest show up to save Dean just as the redneck arrives with the repaired Colt. The redneck fires at priest, but priest uses The Force to effortlessly toss him and Sam aside. Sam takes the Colt, and we learn that Blondie lead redneck there.
The priest goes down into the weird catacomb and uses The Force on Dean. And just before he walks toward Casey, she stops him and points out the doodle on the floor. He stabs the doodle, therefore rendering it powerless. So many witchy rules to keep track of! I’m still trying to figure out how this all works and how to use it against my ex-boyfriend.
We find out that priest and Casey have been lovers for centuries. Aww! That’s kinda cute. Priest tries to kill Dean and Casey begs him not to. But before anything further happens, Sam shoots both demons with the Colt, which is kind of cool because the bullets are like lightning. Dean also begs for Sam not to kill Casey, but Sam doesn’t think twice.
Now it’s the light of day and peace has been restored to Sin City. Dean is walking with redneck and discussing whether or not they are working toward a losing battle with mankind. Dean stops redneck and tells him that the yellow-eyed demon told him that when Sam came back from the dead, he came back different. Redneck assures him that demons lie, and Sam is okay. And then he makes some incoherently racist comment like rednecks typically do.
Back at the hotel, Sam is packing up all his silver bullets and wooden stakes when the Blonde demon materializes. Blondie pisses him off, so he threatens to shoot her with the Colt but backs off. She reminds him that he has a lot more work to do, but she’ll be there with him as “that little fallen angel on his shoulder.”
So what do you think Gasmii? Why is the blonde demon always helping Sam? And why can’t I move to Sin City? It looks like fun!
I had never heard of “Supernatural” before I was assigned to recap it for my Auditiongasm. But after a little Wikipedia research, I discovered that it is a show about a hot demon hunter and his Holy Water-happy brainy bro who travel the country in a 1957 Chevy Impala to solve supernatural events. And all the women they meet along the way are either prostitutes or demons. Go feminism!
The show opens in a Catholic church as we watch a nun place Bibles in the pews. An eerie breeze flows through the room, blowing out some of the candles. The nun offers a concerned look in their direction and then is startled from behind by a strangely handsome priest. I would like to confess my impure thoughts to him any day!
The priest says he will walk the nun to her car, and I am instantly surprised. Nuns drive!? I would LOVE to see what a nun-mobile looks like. But before we make it outside, a man named Andy calls from the balcony of the church. Andy says that God’s not with us and then takes out a gun and shoots himself in the face. The nun screams her head off! Like, literally, the scream is blood curdling and lasts forever. Apparently she never learned about the art of subtlety in her acting classes. I mean, I’ve never seen a stranger shoot himself before, but I still feel confident in saying that the nun overreacted.
The scene ends as “Supernatural” flashes on the screen in front of black clouds and lightning. And then we are taken into a house where an odd country bumpkin is repairing a gun with the help of hottie brother Dean. Sam enters and tells of the strange phenomena in Ohio with Andy blowing his brains out and all, and the brothers decide to go check it out. Then we discover that this is no ordinary gun, but a demon-killing Colt, which I guess I would have known had I ever seen this show before in my life. Apparently, it’s been blitzed to pieces and our favorite redneck Bobby is restoring it because that’s one of two things that rednecks do best: gun repair and incoherently racist ramblings.
Posing as insurance adjusters (and insurance adjusters are NEVER this hot, by the by), Dean and Sam go to the church to investigate Andy’s suicide. The priest tells us that Andy’s personality drastically changed two months ago as did the rest of the town. Dean and Sam exchange knowing looks and exit. Apparently, two months ago, a gate to hell was opened and 100 demons escaped. Did anyone else usedto watch the soap opera “Passions?” Because this plot sounds strangely similar to the episodes where Charity’s bedroom closet opened up into hell. Now I’m really hoping that this show will be like Passions! That show was awesome!
The brothers check into a hotel where they run into a man named Richie who looks exactly like Rocky’s friend Paulie from the Rocky movies with the hard New York accent and all. He also looks like he got dressed in the dark. A woman emerges from his hotel room, and because she is a woman we instantly know that she’s either (a) a prostitute or (b) a demon. Oh – oh – looks like he’s about to pay her! And he does! She must be option A: a prostitute!
Apparently Richie used to hunt demons with Dean a few years ago. I am instantly scared. THIS guy was a demon-hunter? If I were a demon, then I would be mortified to be killed by such a dummy. How embarrassing! Richie’s phone rings and he has a ringtone that sounds like music from a porno movie. Figures.
With Richie’s advice, the brothers go visit the bar whose owner, Trotter, has apparently corrupted the town and introduced gambling and hookers. The bar is packed with women, so something tells me that this is going to be dangerous. We find the priest sitting at the bar, and he is boozing and flirting with a hot bartender named Casey. Now this is my kind of priest! I would so totally go to his church of sin.
A bleary eyed man then walks into the bar and shoots another man playing pool. Dean tackles him to the ground, and Sam throws Holy Water on him with no results. It was then revealed that this man just really wanted to play pool and was tired of waiting for the table. Either that or the pool player slept with his wife. I can’t remember which.
Sam looks up to see the bald bar owner staring at him in an eerie “I’m imagining what your blood tastes like” kind of way.
We are next taken to a scene where Richie is getting out of a car with Casey. Casey is quite a nice looking female, so I can sense that something is up because no one like her would ever take home a man with such a bad accent unless it is to put him out of his misery. They enter a strange catacomb together and Richie gets nervous. He says that if they go back to his hotel room, he can offer oils. I’m not even joking. Oils. She looks up and her eyes are black, which means she was a demon. Of course she is! She is a woman afterall. She then breaks Richie’s neck, doing us all a favor.
I have to say, if all demons are as hot as this bartender is, then I really want to go to hell! Please book me a ticket asap!
Next we see what the redneck is up to, and unsurprisingly he is playing with the Colt. I really want to know if there is a timezone difference because it’s light out here and it was dark out when the bartender took Richie home. I guess I shouldn’t question the supernatural, but the space/time continuum seems a little warped.
Anyway, as redneck practices firing the gun at a burlap sack of sand, a cutie blonde demon materializes out of nowhere. And I recognize this demon to be none other than David Cassidy’s daughter! (And I am not going to admit how or why I know that. Let’s just say that I’ve watched a little too much MTV in my day.) Blonde Demon tells the redneck that the gun is no good and taunts him until he shoots her. I believe that she called him a “Panty Lace,” which I love! Okay, I kind of like this girl. Of course the bullet puts a hole in her but does not kill her because I would imagine that it’s probably pretty hard to kill the undead. I mean, we’ve all seen Michael Jackson’s “Thiller” video, so we know how it is. And in a strange turn of events, Blondie offers to help redneck with the gun.
Meanwhile, Dean is being propositioned by a – guess what!? – prostitute at the bar! He says he’s not interested because he likes the bartender, Casey. I guess with either woman he chooses, he’s rolling the dice. Either he’ll pick up a venereal disease or be killed, leaving his soul damned eternally to hell. I think I’d choose hell in this case, too, because all that itching and burning of a V.D. can get pretty irritating. Casey is so delighted that he would choose her over a prostitute that she takes him home that second.
Next we go to Sam who is breaking into Trotter’s office. But when Trotter and his old-fashioned goon discover him, Sam wimpily tosses Holy Water in their direction with results. And it is Awk. Ward. Sam rambles and then kind of shuffles away in shame.
Now we find Dean in the same mildewy lair with Casey where Richie died. Dean reveals that he knows she killed Richie, so she jumps at him Jackie Chan-style but is trapped by some doodle on the floor beneath the rug. Dean tries to read some gibberish from a book but the demon channels in a new weather system that rips the pages right out of his book and causes the walls to crumble, blocking every exit and trapping him.
Dean tries to speak gibberish from memory but fails. And it’s actually quite humorous. Hearing the crap he spews forth, the bartender mocks his bad Latin skills by saying, “I think you just ordered a pizza.” So far, I kind of want the demons to win. They are far more witty and entertaining! Girl power!
Sam is back at the bar and being propositioned by a prostitute, of course. She is eating a cherry, which looks strangely familiar! Hey, I think that’s my cherry! After all, I was a “Supernatural” virgin before this episode, and I think she has the cherry that just got popped. Sam asks a man bartender if he’s seen Dean and discovers that he left with Casey an hour ago. After paying the man, Sam finds out where she lives and goes. The prostitute is still licking the cherry – Hey, give that back!
Dean and Casey are becoming fast friends, and she reveals that she was the one who made Trotter turn the town into such a sinful place to get more business. “All you have to do is give humans a little nudge,” she explains. “Some whiskey here and a hooker there, and they’ll walk straight into hell.” Wow! So that’s how you get to hell?! Whiskey and hookers!? Who doesn’t go to hell then?
Sam goes to the bartender’s apartment and is disturbed by the sulfur he discovers on her desk. And here I thought the only troubling thing about sulfur was the horrendous fart smell! Apparently, it is more dangerous beyond that. This tips Sam off into realizing that bartender is quite the femme fatale.
Casey explains to Dean that demons follow some putz named Lucifer who fell from heaven because he refused to bow down to humans. Her story is kind of like everything we ever learned in Catholic school but with a slight twist. No one has ever seen Lucifer, but he knows when you’ve been sleeping, when you’re awake, when you’ve been good or bad and he leaves presents in your socks once a year.
Then she gets all political and says that Dick Cheney has a parking spot reserved for him downstairs. Oh I love it! I so want her to win now!
Back at the bar, Sam is talking to the priest. He explains that he can’t find Casey and his brother and fears something is wrong. The priest says he knows where they may be and will escort him there but not before turning to the camera and flashing his eyes black, revealing that he, too, is a demon. Finally! A man demon! This priest just got a whole lot sexier. As the priest is driving them to undisclosed location #1, he makes creepy small talk that is reminiscent of a spooky uncle right before he molests you.
Dean and Casey are getting closer and closer. This seems to be a really fucked up version of “The Blue Lagoon.” Two young people trapped with only each other as their bodies – and romantic feelings – blossom like a beautiful prepubescent flower. Casey tells Dean that after he killed Azazel, the yellow-eyed demon, Sam was supposed to lead their rebel demon army against the humans in a grand battle of Apocalyptic proportions. This is sounding less like a CW show and more like a new Mel Gibson movie at every turn. Anyway, since Sam never stepped up to the plate, now the demons are just kind of milling around without a leader.
Now we’re moving! Sam and the priest show up to save Dean just as the redneck arrives with the repaired Colt. The redneck fires at priest, but priest uses The Force to effortlessly toss him and Sam aside. Sam takes the Colt, and we learn that Blondie lead redneck there.
The priest goes down into the weird catacomb and uses The Force on Dean. And just before he walks toward Casey, she stops him and points out the doodle on the floor. He stabs the doodle, therefore rendering it powerless. So many witchy rules to keep track of! I’m still trying to figure out how this all works and how to use it against my ex-boyfriend.
We find out that priest and Casey have been lovers for centuries. Aww! That’s kinda cute. Priest tries to kill Dean and Casey begs him not to. But before anything further happens, Sam shoots both demons with the Colt, which is kind of cool because the bullets are like lightning. Dean also begs for Sam not to kill Casey, but Sam doesn’t think twice.
Now it’s the light of day and peace has been restored to Sin City. Dean is walking with redneck and discussing whether or not they are working toward a losing battle with mankind. Dean stops redneck and tells him that the yellow-eyed demon told him that when Sam came back from the dead, he came back different. Redneck assures him that demons lie, and Sam is okay. And then he makes some incoherently racist comment like rednecks typically do.
Back at the hotel, Sam is packing up all his silver bullets and wooden stakes when the Blonde demon materializes. Blondie pisses him off, so he threatens to shoot her with the Colt but backs off. She reminds him that he has a lot more work to do, but she’ll be there with him as “that little fallen angel on his shoulder.”
So what do you think Gasmii? Why is the blonde demon always helping Sam? And why can’t I move to Sin City? It looks like fun!