flipit
01-06-2008, 11:12 PM
Previously on Women’s Murder Club… Lindsey (played by Supermodel Angie Harmon) is a tough cop with no life (think Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality) who ruined her marriage by her obsession with her job and a serial killer named “The Kiss-Me-Not Killer.” Lindsey’s partner is a gruff but loveable guy named Warren. He reminds me a bit of Danny Glover’s character in Lethal Weapon only less funny. Her foxy ex-husband, Tom, recently became their boss and has just married a kindergarten teacher, Heather. Jill is an asst DA who just broke up with her live in lover after her drunken boss spilled the beans about Jill screwing the smarmy pubic defender on her desk. Now that is what I call work benefits. To hell with the dental plan! Claire is an Oprah look-alike coroner who acts as sort of a mom to the group. The most recent club member is Cindy, a crime reporter with a kick ass memory who is eager to be included with the other gals. The serial killer case had been taken from Lindz and given to the FBI when the latest victim was taken across state lines. At the end of the last episode, a hot FBI guy was waiting for her on her porch to show her a photo sent to them by the killer. It is a picture of her with her mouth sewn shut like the previous victims.
This episode opens with Lindsey running with her dog, Martha, while the hottie FBI guy drives his car alongside. Naturally, this makes her crazy and she begins to argue with him to leave her alone. He insists it is for her protection but then her phone rings which usually means the episode is really going to start getting good.
After agreeing to meet someone on the phone, we cut to Lindsey parking in a dark seedy alley to meet a creepy homeless guy. She gives him some burgers and money in return for some information he says is important. He leads her through dark twisting alleys and up a rickety staircase. Ok… did someone forget to remind this crazy bitch that she has a serial killer after her? Finally they enter a dimly lit room where he says he has a man he wants her to meet. She turns… I cringe… IT’S THE KILLER! No wait… it’s a severed head. Whew! I mean, you know, gross… but whew. I was worried but as it turned out there was no reason to lose my head. Lose my head… get it? Huh, get it? …..My wit is wasted here.
Back on the street, we see the rest of the guy we just met scattered across the road. Speaking of gross, this guy’s head and arms were ripped off. He is just a bloody torso with tire tracks running over and beneath him. The professionals at the crime scene use all of their experience to deduce that he was killed by repeated hits from a vehicle. Ya think? The tire tracks weren’t a giveaway, were they? Based on his driver’s license, the victim’s name is Silas Spaulding and he was carrying a case of expensive wine when he was hit. More cases are found in the trunk of his car nearby.
Lindsey walks over to Jill the DA to see what she has found out, but Jill is there chatting up some cute guy. No desk nearby, but I suppose she could plop right down on the pavement and spread her legs. Just be careful not to smudge the chalk outline! Unfortunately, she is cockblocked by Lindsey who only ever wants to talk about work. Come to think of it… why the hell is Jill there anyway? I mean… isn’t the DA’s job to be in court AFTER the cops have gotten all of the evidence? I imagine it’s hard to get your freak on in the middle of a courtroom though and a girl's got needs, right? So Jill puts the rufies she was going to give random cute guy back in her pocket and gives the information she has found so far... which is that no one saw anything. Wow, great work, Sherlock. Perky reporter, Cindy, arrives amazingly happy that a homeless guy has found a severed head. Who needs sympathy when you can smell a Pulitzer? Just then, the fourth member of the club, Claire aka Oprah, arrives carrying one of the victim's hands. Now I can see an ambitious reporter lurking around a crime scene, but since when is the coroner the one searching in the gutter for severed parts? Doesn't she have minions to do that shit? I've seen CSI and the coroner on that show never leaves the building. He always lets the CSI guys dig in the garbage to find maggot infested entrails and stuff. And CSI would never lie to us. CSI loves us. Oh well... apparently Claire is a hands on kind of gal. Hands on... severed hand... get it? *sigh* Why do I try? Anyway... the wedding ring on the hand is engraved "Silas and Mia 2005."
Back at the office, we see the aforementioned Mia awash in tears. She explains that her husband was in the wine import business with his best friend, Laurent Pernet. She has no alibi, but gives them permission to search her house and car. In her grief, she says her life is over without Silas. Upon leaving the meeting with Mia, Lindsey bumps into the DA slut in the hallway and they discuss which records need to be searched, etc. When Lindz is surprised that she is mellow while mentioning her normally ball-busting boss, Jill admits that boss lady has been much nicer since ruining her relationship. She is gleeful that her boss is capable of guilt… and probably relieved to be on the other end of it for a change.
Cut to Lindz and her partner, Warren, entering a swanky wine place filled with those people who aren’t afraid to spit into a bucket in public. I guess I don’t get the concept of just tasting the wine. I’m not a wine taster. I’m a wine drinker. Oh hell, who am I kidding, I’m just a wino. Give me a 2 gallon bottle of Boone’s Farm and a straw and I am my own party. Maybe I am sharing a bit too much too soon. Back to the show. They find the partner guy and he is surprised to learn that Silas is dead. He just thought he was late. But he has a French name so they are naturally suspicious of him. They get permission to do a lie detector on him and check out his car. Before they leave, Warren talks to an older gentleman, Victor, who offers him some wine to taste. This guy reeks of that Vincent Price / Dr Jekyll sort of creepiness. I know he has to be involved somewhere.
Once more at the “Hall of Justice,” Lindz nearly collides with Heather who is putting small cans of macadamia nuts on everyone’s desk. They are the souvenirs from their honeymoon in Maui. She enthusiastically confides that she is on her way to the social security office to change her name to her new married name… Heather Hogan. She is supposed to be this sweet little kindergarten teacher who bakes and is wonderful, but what sort of raging bitch is so insensitive that she tells this to her husband’s ex-wife… who is carrying a gun, by the way? For fuck’s sake… shoot her and put her out of all of our misery. Heather does manage to impart one speck of useful info which gives Lindsey the excuse to leave rather than killing her as she deserves. That info? Hottie FBI guy is in Tom’s office. Uh oh.
Our heroine supermodel bursts into Tom’s office just as the two are discussing her. You can tell Lindsey is totally peeved because she actually calls Tom “Lieutenant.” He explains to her that the FBI have requested that she be assigned to help them with the Kiss-Me-Not case, but he feels she is needed in the department. When she agrees with him, he is shocked. Isn’t this the woman who gave up their marriage to chase this case? FBI guy plays his trump card and whips out the picture of her sent by the killer which stuns Tom. He starts reprimanding her for not having a security detail and she counters that she can take care of herself. Lindsey’s outburst, which includes eluding to the fact that they were once married in front of FBI guy, is cut short when her phone rings. It is Mia who says that she didn’t kill Silas but she can’t live without him so she is jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Then the phone goes dead. When she tries to rush out, Tom says that he will go to Mia and that she is now assigned to the FBI.
Lindz and FBI guy go over all of the evidence of the serial killer’s victims. In addition to being murdered and having their mouths sewn closed, each victim was staged differently. The first was found covered in with lilac blossoms. The second had an old key in her hand and a dead mouse at her feet. The third was left in a copper bathtub with silver leaves in her hair. When she points out that he has her files so he knows everything she is telling him, he says he only has what she wrote down, but he wants to know what was going through her head. Hoo boy… now that is a can of worms, isn’t it? Since the beginning of time, men have been wanting to understand what goes through the mind of a woman and you think that you can do that in a one hour drama? Optimistic, but sadly misguided. Lindsey gives the reply that women generally give when men try to get into their heads: “I don’t like you.” And unable to come up with something better, he replies that he doesn’t like her either. Oh yeah… these two are totally going to have sex. Anyone want to lay bets on how many episodes before they are riding the hobby horse of love? I say two.
Just at that moment, Tom and Warren return with the news that Mia jumped before they arrived and have a taxi driver with them as a witness. I had no idea that Oompa Loompas went bald. Learn something new every day. When Tom leads the vertically challenged witness away to take his statement, Warren expresses surprise at having Tom as his partner. Lindz hides the truth from him and just says that it is standard FBI business. That shit is going to bite you in the ass, girl. You better start telling folks what is going on! Warren moves on to the morgue to discuss the victim with Oprah. Jill the DA bursts in and says she heard a rumor that Lindsey is in a room with a hot guy from the FBI and she wants to know if he is single. Apparently she finished up with the entire 49ers football team early and is out trolling for ass. When they don’t give up the info, she comes in to hear the new details in the case. Oprah says that all of the suspects have radial tires on their cars, but the car that decimated Silas had bias ply tires. DA pipes up and says that those are only used on vintage cars. Hey… I guess all of those hours in backseats weren’t wasted after all! Good on ya, Jill! I’m so impressed that I’m not even going to ask why the CORONER is looking at tires.
Warren leaves the morgue to approach Tom about Lindsey working with the FBI. Tom realizes that he doesn’t know about the threat either and quickly fills him in. Warren is less than pleased.
Lindsey and FBI hottie are still sniping at each other… you know, sexual tension and all that… when Jill bursts in to get a good look at the dude she hopes to fuck… err… to give some new information on the case with the help of perky Cindy the reporter. Apparently a few years ago, Silas and Laurent’s wine company was nearing bankruptcy when they were robbed and the insurance money saved their business. Hmm... a coincidence? Lindz doesn’t think so and takes the information to the interrogation room where Laurent is taking his lie detector test. The Frenchie is calm until he is asked about the robbery. Then he is surprised and acts a bit jumpy. He says that they can ask him about Silas, but he wants his lawyer if they want other information. Way to make yourself look guilty, genius.
Warren and Lindsey leave the interrogation room for a private chat. I hope you hated your old ass because Warren is getting ready to chew you a new one. She continues her same lame argument that she can take care of herself and has a gun, but he isn’t having it. He really goes off on her and points out that she can choose to be a big workaholic loser and that is her business… but that this is his business because he could be killed or injured when the Kiss-Me-Not guy goes for her. Who said chivalry is dead? She gets all apologetic and weepy, but he says they aren’t partners anymore because she just made sure that she is in this all by herself and then he storms off. Lindsey returns to Tom’s office to find DA girl there. She is telling Tom about the robbery information and that most of their business was done with Victor’s wines. Remember Victor? The Vincent Price wannabe? I told you he would be involved! They all agree to wait to confront him until they have more information. Lindsey suggests that Cindy stop by Victor’s store to see if she can find out anything.
Lindsey emerges to see FBI dude and Oprah enter the break room with the parents of the third Kiss-Me-Not victim. She stands watching, clearly upset, as the parents are shown photos of their daughter and some unidentified guy entering a hotel room a few hours before she was killed. In the photos, all you can see is the back of the guy’s head and my first thought is that it looks like FBI guy. Erk… hope I am wrong! The mother gets too upset to continue and both parents leave. Lindsey asks if he thinks she is that easily manipulated with the victims parents and new evidence. He says he hopes so and then tells Oprah she should leave. I’m not quite sure why she was in there in the first place. Doesn’t she have some stomach contents to evaluate? Or fingernail scrapings? Something? She leaves… probably to go help the fingerprint taker do their job too. FBI guy closes the door behind her and then accuses Lindsey of not caring about the case and says that she couldn’t handle the mess she made of her marriage so she used the serial killer’s case as an excuse to check out. He tells her that her martyr act is just a façade. Is it just me or does anyone else want to see a heated kiss right about now? Lindsey says she has something to show him. Bom chikka wow wow! Oh yeah… now we are on to something! (continued below)
This episode opens with Lindsey running with her dog, Martha, while the hottie FBI guy drives his car alongside. Naturally, this makes her crazy and she begins to argue with him to leave her alone. He insists it is for her protection but then her phone rings which usually means the episode is really going to start getting good.
After agreeing to meet someone on the phone, we cut to Lindsey parking in a dark seedy alley to meet a creepy homeless guy. She gives him some burgers and money in return for some information he says is important. He leads her through dark twisting alleys and up a rickety staircase. Ok… did someone forget to remind this crazy bitch that she has a serial killer after her? Finally they enter a dimly lit room where he says he has a man he wants her to meet. She turns… I cringe… IT’S THE KILLER! No wait… it’s a severed head. Whew! I mean, you know, gross… but whew. I was worried but as it turned out there was no reason to lose my head. Lose my head… get it? Huh, get it? …..My wit is wasted here.
Back on the street, we see the rest of the guy we just met scattered across the road. Speaking of gross, this guy’s head and arms were ripped off. He is just a bloody torso with tire tracks running over and beneath him. The professionals at the crime scene use all of their experience to deduce that he was killed by repeated hits from a vehicle. Ya think? The tire tracks weren’t a giveaway, were they? Based on his driver’s license, the victim’s name is Silas Spaulding and he was carrying a case of expensive wine when he was hit. More cases are found in the trunk of his car nearby.
Lindsey walks over to Jill the DA to see what she has found out, but Jill is there chatting up some cute guy. No desk nearby, but I suppose she could plop right down on the pavement and spread her legs. Just be careful not to smudge the chalk outline! Unfortunately, she is cockblocked by Lindsey who only ever wants to talk about work. Come to think of it… why the hell is Jill there anyway? I mean… isn’t the DA’s job to be in court AFTER the cops have gotten all of the evidence? I imagine it’s hard to get your freak on in the middle of a courtroom though and a girl's got needs, right? So Jill puts the rufies she was going to give random cute guy back in her pocket and gives the information she has found so far... which is that no one saw anything. Wow, great work, Sherlock. Perky reporter, Cindy, arrives amazingly happy that a homeless guy has found a severed head. Who needs sympathy when you can smell a Pulitzer? Just then, the fourth member of the club, Claire aka Oprah, arrives carrying one of the victim's hands. Now I can see an ambitious reporter lurking around a crime scene, but since when is the coroner the one searching in the gutter for severed parts? Doesn't she have minions to do that shit? I've seen CSI and the coroner on that show never leaves the building. He always lets the CSI guys dig in the garbage to find maggot infested entrails and stuff. And CSI would never lie to us. CSI loves us. Oh well... apparently Claire is a hands on kind of gal. Hands on... severed hand... get it? *sigh* Why do I try? Anyway... the wedding ring on the hand is engraved "Silas and Mia 2005."
Back at the office, we see the aforementioned Mia awash in tears. She explains that her husband was in the wine import business with his best friend, Laurent Pernet. She has no alibi, but gives them permission to search her house and car. In her grief, she says her life is over without Silas. Upon leaving the meeting with Mia, Lindsey bumps into the DA slut in the hallway and they discuss which records need to be searched, etc. When Lindz is surprised that she is mellow while mentioning her normally ball-busting boss, Jill admits that boss lady has been much nicer since ruining her relationship. She is gleeful that her boss is capable of guilt… and probably relieved to be on the other end of it for a change.
Cut to Lindz and her partner, Warren, entering a swanky wine place filled with those people who aren’t afraid to spit into a bucket in public. I guess I don’t get the concept of just tasting the wine. I’m not a wine taster. I’m a wine drinker. Oh hell, who am I kidding, I’m just a wino. Give me a 2 gallon bottle of Boone’s Farm and a straw and I am my own party. Maybe I am sharing a bit too much too soon. Back to the show. They find the partner guy and he is surprised to learn that Silas is dead. He just thought he was late. But he has a French name so they are naturally suspicious of him. They get permission to do a lie detector on him and check out his car. Before they leave, Warren talks to an older gentleman, Victor, who offers him some wine to taste. This guy reeks of that Vincent Price / Dr Jekyll sort of creepiness. I know he has to be involved somewhere.
Once more at the “Hall of Justice,” Lindz nearly collides with Heather who is putting small cans of macadamia nuts on everyone’s desk. They are the souvenirs from their honeymoon in Maui. She enthusiastically confides that she is on her way to the social security office to change her name to her new married name… Heather Hogan. She is supposed to be this sweet little kindergarten teacher who bakes and is wonderful, but what sort of raging bitch is so insensitive that she tells this to her husband’s ex-wife… who is carrying a gun, by the way? For fuck’s sake… shoot her and put her out of all of our misery. Heather does manage to impart one speck of useful info which gives Lindsey the excuse to leave rather than killing her as she deserves. That info? Hottie FBI guy is in Tom’s office. Uh oh.
Our heroine supermodel bursts into Tom’s office just as the two are discussing her. You can tell Lindsey is totally peeved because she actually calls Tom “Lieutenant.” He explains to her that the FBI have requested that she be assigned to help them with the Kiss-Me-Not case, but he feels she is needed in the department. When she agrees with him, he is shocked. Isn’t this the woman who gave up their marriage to chase this case? FBI guy plays his trump card and whips out the picture of her sent by the killer which stuns Tom. He starts reprimanding her for not having a security detail and she counters that she can take care of herself. Lindsey’s outburst, which includes eluding to the fact that they were once married in front of FBI guy, is cut short when her phone rings. It is Mia who says that she didn’t kill Silas but she can’t live without him so she is jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Then the phone goes dead. When she tries to rush out, Tom says that he will go to Mia and that she is now assigned to the FBI.
Lindz and FBI guy go over all of the evidence of the serial killer’s victims. In addition to being murdered and having their mouths sewn closed, each victim was staged differently. The first was found covered in with lilac blossoms. The second had an old key in her hand and a dead mouse at her feet. The third was left in a copper bathtub with silver leaves in her hair. When she points out that he has her files so he knows everything she is telling him, he says he only has what she wrote down, but he wants to know what was going through her head. Hoo boy… now that is a can of worms, isn’t it? Since the beginning of time, men have been wanting to understand what goes through the mind of a woman and you think that you can do that in a one hour drama? Optimistic, but sadly misguided. Lindsey gives the reply that women generally give when men try to get into their heads: “I don’t like you.” And unable to come up with something better, he replies that he doesn’t like her either. Oh yeah… these two are totally going to have sex. Anyone want to lay bets on how many episodes before they are riding the hobby horse of love? I say two.
Just at that moment, Tom and Warren return with the news that Mia jumped before they arrived and have a taxi driver with them as a witness. I had no idea that Oompa Loompas went bald. Learn something new every day. When Tom leads the vertically challenged witness away to take his statement, Warren expresses surprise at having Tom as his partner. Lindz hides the truth from him and just says that it is standard FBI business. That shit is going to bite you in the ass, girl. You better start telling folks what is going on! Warren moves on to the morgue to discuss the victim with Oprah. Jill the DA bursts in and says she heard a rumor that Lindsey is in a room with a hot guy from the FBI and she wants to know if he is single. Apparently she finished up with the entire 49ers football team early and is out trolling for ass. When they don’t give up the info, she comes in to hear the new details in the case. Oprah says that all of the suspects have radial tires on their cars, but the car that decimated Silas had bias ply tires. DA pipes up and says that those are only used on vintage cars. Hey… I guess all of those hours in backseats weren’t wasted after all! Good on ya, Jill! I’m so impressed that I’m not even going to ask why the CORONER is looking at tires.
Warren leaves the morgue to approach Tom about Lindsey working with the FBI. Tom realizes that he doesn’t know about the threat either and quickly fills him in. Warren is less than pleased.
Lindsey and FBI hottie are still sniping at each other… you know, sexual tension and all that… when Jill bursts in to get a good look at the dude she hopes to fuck… err… to give some new information on the case with the help of perky Cindy the reporter. Apparently a few years ago, Silas and Laurent’s wine company was nearing bankruptcy when they were robbed and the insurance money saved their business. Hmm... a coincidence? Lindz doesn’t think so and takes the information to the interrogation room where Laurent is taking his lie detector test. The Frenchie is calm until he is asked about the robbery. Then he is surprised and acts a bit jumpy. He says that they can ask him about Silas, but he wants his lawyer if they want other information. Way to make yourself look guilty, genius.
Warren and Lindsey leave the interrogation room for a private chat. I hope you hated your old ass because Warren is getting ready to chew you a new one. She continues her same lame argument that she can take care of herself and has a gun, but he isn’t having it. He really goes off on her and points out that she can choose to be a big workaholic loser and that is her business… but that this is his business because he could be killed or injured when the Kiss-Me-Not guy goes for her. Who said chivalry is dead? She gets all apologetic and weepy, but he says they aren’t partners anymore because she just made sure that she is in this all by herself and then he storms off. Lindsey returns to Tom’s office to find DA girl there. She is telling Tom about the robbery information and that most of their business was done with Victor’s wines. Remember Victor? The Vincent Price wannabe? I told you he would be involved! They all agree to wait to confront him until they have more information. Lindsey suggests that Cindy stop by Victor’s store to see if she can find out anything.
Lindsey emerges to see FBI dude and Oprah enter the break room with the parents of the third Kiss-Me-Not victim. She stands watching, clearly upset, as the parents are shown photos of their daughter and some unidentified guy entering a hotel room a few hours before she was killed. In the photos, all you can see is the back of the guy’s head and my first thought is that it looks like FBI guy. Erk… hope I am wrong! The mother gets too upset to continue and both parents leave. Lindsey asks if he thinks she is that easily manipulated with the victims parents and new evidence. He says he hopes so and then tells Oprah she should leave. I’m not quite sure why she was in there in the first place. Doesn’t she have some stomach contents to evaluate? Or fingernail scrapings? Something? She leaves… probably to go help the fingerprint taker do their job too. FBI guy closes the door behind her and then accuses Lindsey of not caring about the case and says that she couldn’t handle the mess she made of her marriage so she used the serial killer’s case as an excuse to check out. He tells her that her martyr act is just a façade. Is it just me or does anyone else want to see a heated kiss right about now? Lindsey says she has something to show him. Bom chikka wow wow! Oh yeah… now we are on to something! (continued below)