flipit
08-11-2008, 10:22 PM
Girl’s Next Door Episode 2 - Jamaican Wedding episode
For those of you who haven’t watched the show (on a site like this, this is just pretend), these three women are Hugh Heffner’s concubines. FlipIt discouraged the use of screencaps, which is totally unfortunate, as these ladies have the best looks money can buy. They live in the mansion, have 24-hour access to a gym, there is a zoo in the backyard, they attend parties with regularly, and they only rent they pay is in the bedroom. Looking at the ceiling. On their backs. You get it? Intercourse. There is even a rumor that they get free plastic surgery. “Unlimited” is the word they used to describe the access to plastic surgery. Yeesh.
So, the characters are:
Hugh Heffner, the founder of Playboy. He is like, this rich guy who had, maybe, some inside jokes with his friends about, like, wearing a smoking jacket all the time, or, say, people calling him “Hef” all the time, or, perhaps, being really old and having multiple girlfriends? But then, the inside joke became real life and there is nothing he can do to untangle the joke from real life and now he’s stuck with it. He really does wear a burgundy smoking jacket all the time, just like he does in your head.
Holly, the HBIC. Her catch phrase “Puffiiiiieeen”. This crazy-ass ho thinks that she will one day become Mrs. Hugh Heffner. And who am I to say she won’t be? Actually, I am phquaryn, and the marriage will never happen. In one episode, Hef visits Kendra’s hometown, but in the Holly’s hometown episode, Double-H is nowhere to be found. Holly and Hef share a bedroom.
Bridget , the “smart” one (more accurately, the “ugly” one), Bridget owns retarded cat and matching dog. She lives in a pink, pink room. Of the trio, her laugh is the easiest on the ears, and that is the nicest thing I can say about her. This is a puff show, painting its subjects in the kindest of lights, yet Bridget’s inner douche manages to shine through. This episode doesn’t really showcase that, though.
Kendra, the sporty one (my favorite, and I get the feeling she’s Hef’s favorite, too) with the annoying/adorable laugh. I go back and forth on her (much like the Hef), but for the most part I like her. She is also messy and loves her dog.
Our episode opens on a beautiful beach. White tents with chandeliers and staff arraigning flowers are hints of the classiness of the resort. Although, the tents are at least partially held up by staples, so maybe it is a little to the budget-end of the fancy resort spectrum. Stephanie, Holly’s sister, is marrying Shawn in this lovely setting, with only close family, her sister’s boyfriend’s other girlfriends, and sundry cameramen as witnesses. “Sandals” is a couple’s resort, which brings up just a few of the many, many problems that must arise when you are living with someone who is also committed to two other people. However, these questions are outside of the scope of this recap (Actually, I just can’t think of anything funny to say about it. Must suck, though.)
Blushing bride Stephanie has a short but pleasant conversation with Bridget before going to feed almonds to macaws with her sister. As this part is completely boring, I feel I can add here that I read on a completely disreputable gossip website that Bridget and Holly are feuding. I haven’t been able to find any evidence of that in the show, sadly. Although, there is a current commercial advertising a contest, the prize being a trip to the mansion. Holly and Kendra are in this commercial, sans Bridget. A feud would explain that. If anybody would like to add some unverifiable alleged feud details in the comment section, I would greatly appreciate it.
Slightly more interestingly, the girls have massages on the beach, blurred body parts flying everywhere. I wonder why this is – you would think that this show is a type of documentary, and the private parts should be allowed to stand, like they do in the documentaries of Aborigines and whatnot. It is a shame these chicks have to hide what got them the show in the first place.
I should tell you that throughout the show, the girls give little “interviews” where they just explain what is happening or about to happen. They are boring, with the exception of Kendra who can be counted on to say something bizarre. Kendra interviews that she isn’t sure if she had an orgasm or not during the massage. Then she brays out her horse-laugh, so I guess that was a joke. So… good one, Kendra?
Cut to Hef, at his ho-less mansion. He is telling Mary, his long-time personal secretary, how lonely he is. Ah, Mary. The things you must have seen in that place. They discuss how Holly really wants to catch the bouquet and he better watch out! Because them ladies will trick ya! Then you’re married! Holly is always really straightforward on the show about wanting to marry Hef, so I don’t think the magical power of a bouquet is what Hef should be focusing on. In fact, perhaps he could shift his focus to dating women who are on the same page about marriage and children. But, I’m single with a cat, so what the fuck do I know.
Back to the girls, who are relaxing on the beach and in the water. Then Kendra hollers at the poor staff that they want to go wakeboarding. I think Kendra might be stoned. Wakeboarding ensues. There is a car screeching noise as Bridget falls in. Bridget is acting like a wake-boarding know-it-all, but Kendra is really much better at it. Holly falls over repeatedly, but she can’t even swim. She is a good sport about how much she sucks.
Later, the trio try to call Hef, but none of their phones are working. Cut to Hef introducing himself to three very, very young-looking blondes back at the mansion. He talks about his girlfriends in the frank manner of all cads, so that he can use the old “I told you before that I had three girlfriends” line later. “I can’t make a fucking phone call”, Holly bitches, as Hef leads the three very, very young-looking blondes into his bedroom.
Ooh, a commercial for Pamela Anderson’s show, followed by one for “Brideshead Revisited”. Bold. Pamela Anderson is the anti-Girls Next Door. These bitches should take notes.
Now the three very, very young-looking blondes are sitting on Hef’s bed and watching their music video. It is not like there is a more appropriate venue in the mansion for watching television than the bedroom he shares with his head girlfriend. The video looks like it was made at the local amusement park in the 80’s. Holly “jokes” that Hef might not be telling the truth when he says he’s lonely. Ya think?
Back in Jamaica, there is a brief shot of Patsy, Holly’s mother, as Stephanie is getting ready for the ceremony. Holly interviews that it is one of her duties to help out her sister, but why is it that she’s never shown talking to her mom or dad? Outside the scope of her duties, perhaps? Stephanie duhs that Holly wants to marry Hef.
The ceremony is lovely. Everything is white except for orange flowers in the bride’s hair and in the bouquet. Shane’s mom and dad are crying. Looks like somebody forgot to tell them their new sister-in-law is a big ho? There is a Micky and Minnie Mouse cake-topper. Holly interviews, “Everyone was wishing Hef was there.” Everyone? Even mom and dad?
There are cute pictures of the normal heterosexual monogamous couple on the beach, then cut to dinner and more bouquet jokes. Bridget does not want to catch it and says she would chuck it to Holly. The sister wants to “rig” the toss so Holly will get it. Is it weird that everyone is so ok with Holly marrying Hef, from the other girlfriends down to Holly’s own family?
No time for rational thought, on to Jamacian fire dancing! “Nothing virgin is fun,” Bridget interviews. Truer words, ugly one. The poor groom is trying to dance. Your new sister-in-law’s gift to you? You get to prove you’re a dork on pay cable. Kendra does a mean bootie shake, but looks lost and confused during the bunny hop.
While Kendra smokes a cigar, Holly finally picks up a landline and calls Hef. More fucking bouquet jokes. One of the three very, very young women sitting on Hef’s bed totally smirks while they talk.
And now, a commercial for Anna Ferris’ movie, “The House Bunny”. Basically, it is a documentary of Bridget’s first year at school. You should check it out.
Holly is wearing a lovely yellow sundress with some green shit on it.
“Thanks for everything guys,” the bride says, as the trio of concubines get ready to leave the island. That statement pretty much reveals the show paid for the wedding, if there was any doubt.
Oh, yeah, they go back and present Hef with Rasta wigs. And tell him they miss him. And, I assume, chase the other blondes out of the house.
You know, I was hoping to get an episode where the girls go on a trip. And the girls call Hef while they are on the trip? And Hef answers the phone in the mansion where he always is? And Hef is sitting on the bed? And on the bed right next to Hef, who is laughing and talking to his head girlfriend? Is a very, very young blonde girl. Or two. So that I can reveal that he does this. Every. Single. Time. He’s doing this on *their* show! It’s the girl’s show and he’s doing this. Unbelievable. Pufffiiieeeeennn.
For those of you who haven’t watched the show (on a site like this, this is just pretend), these three women are Hugh Heffner’s concubines. FlipIt discouraged the use of screencaps, which is totally unfortunate, as these ladies have the best looks money can buy. They live in the mansion, have 24-hour access to a gym, there is a zoo in the backyard, they attend parties with regularly, and they only rent they pay is in the bedroom. Looking at the ceiling. On their backs. You get it? Intercourse. There is even a rumor that they get free plastic surgery. “Unlimited” is the word they used to describe the access to plastic surgery. Yeesh.
So, the characters are:
Hugh Heffner, the founder of Playboy. He is like, this rich guy who had, maybe, some inside jokes with his friends about, like, wearing a smoking jacket all the time, or, say, people calling him “Hef” all the time, or, perhaps, being really old and having multiple girlfriends? But then, the inside joke became real life and there is nothing he can do to untangle the joke from real life and now he’s stuck with it. He really does wear a burgundy smoking jacket all the time, just like he does in your head.
Holly, the HBIC. Her catch phrase “Puffiiiiieeen”. This crazy-ass ho thinks that she will one day become Mrs. Hugh Heffner. And who am I to say she won’t be? Actually, I am phquaryn, and the marriage will never happen. In one episode, Hef visits Kendra’s hometown, but in the Holly’s hometown episode, Double-H is nowhere to be found. Holly and Hef share a bedroom.
Bridget , the “smart” one (more accurately, the “ugly” one), Bridget owns retarded cat and matching dog. She lives in a pink, pink room. Of the trio, her laugh is the easiest on the ears, and that is the nicest thing I can say about her. This is a puff show, painting its subjects in the kindest of lights, yet Bridget’s inner douche manages to shine through. This episode doesn’t really showcase that, though.
Kendra, the sporty one (my favorite, and I get the feeling she’s Hef’s favorite, too) with the annoying/adorable laugh. I go back and forth on her (much like the Hef), but for the most part I like her. She is also messy and loves her dog.
Our episode opens on a beautiful beach. White tents with chandeliers and staff arraigning flowers are hints of the classiness of the resort. Although, the tents are at least partially held up by staples, so maybe it is a little to the budget-end of the fancy resort spectrum. Stephanie, Holly’s sister, is marrying Shawn in this lovely setting, with only close family, her sister’s boyfriend’s other girlfriends, and sundry cameramen as witnesses. “Sandals” is a couple’s resort, which brings up just a few of the many, many problems that must arise when you are living with someone who is also committed to two other people. However, these questions are outside of the scope of this recap (Actually, I just can’t think of anything funny to say about it. Must suck, though.)
Blushing bride Stephanie has a short but pleasant conversation with Bridget before going to feed almonds to macaws with her sister. As this part is completely boring, I feel I can add here that I read on a completely disreputable gossip website that Bridget and Holly are feuding. I haven’t been able to find any evidence of that in the show, sadly. Although, there is a current commercial advertising a contest, the prize being a trip to the mansion. Holly and Kendra are in this commercial, sans Bridget. A feud would explain that. If anybody would like to add some unverifiable alleged feud details in the comment section, I would greatly appreciate it.
Slightly more interestingly, the girls have massages on the beach, blurred body parts flying everywhere. I wonder why this is – you would think that this show is a type of documentary, and the private parts should be allowed to stand, like they do in the documentaries of Aborigines and whatnot. It is a shame these chicks have to hide what got them the show in the first place.
I should tell you that throughout the show, the girls give little “interviews” where they just explain what is happening or about to happen. They are boring, with the exception of Kendra who can be counted on to say something bizarre. Kendra interviews that she isn’t sure if she had an orgasm or not during the massage. Then she brays out her horse-laugh, so I guess that was a joke. So… good one, Kendra?
Cut to Hef, at his ho-less mansion. He is telling Mary, his long-time personal secretary, how lonely he is. Ah, Mary. The things you must have seen in that place. They discuss how Holly really wants to catch the bouquet and he better watch out! Because them ladies will trick ya! Then you’re married! Holly is always really straightforward on the show about wanting to marry Hef, so I don’t think the magical power of a bouquet is what Hef should be focusing on. In fact, perhaps he could shift his focus to dating women who are on the same page about marriage and children. But, I’m single with a cat, so what the fuck do I know.
Back to the girls, who are relaxing on the beach and in the water. Then Kendra hollers at the poor staff that they want to go wakeboarding. I think Kendra might be stoned. Wakeboarding ensues. There is a car screeching noise as Bridget falls in. Bridget is acting like a wake-boarding know-it-all, but Kendra is really much better at it. Holly falls over repeatedly, but she can’t even swim. She is a good sport about how much she sucks.
Later, the trio try to call Hef, but none of their phones are working. Cut to Hef introducing himself to three very, very young-looking blondes back at the mansion. He talks about his girlfriends in the frank manner of all cads, so that he can use the old “I told you before that I had three girlfriends” line later. “I can’t make a fucking phone call”, Holly bitches, as Hef leads the three very, very young-looking blondes into his bedroom.
Ooh, a commercial for Pamela Anderson’s show, followed by one for “Brideshead Revisited”. Bold. Pamela Anderson is the anti-Girls Next Door. These bitches should take notes.
Now the three very, very young-looking blondes are sitting on Hef’s bed and watching their music video. It is not like there is a more appropriate venue in the mansion for watching television than the bedroom he shares with his head girlfriend. The video looks like it was made at the local amusement park in the 80’s. Holly “jokes” that Hef might not be telling the truth when he says he’s lonely. Ya think?
Back in Jamaica, there is a brief shot of Patsy, Holly’s mother, as Stephanie is getting ready for the ceremony. Holly interviews that it is one of her duties to help out her sister, but why is it that she’s never shown talking to her mom or dad? Outside the scope of her duties, perhaps? Stephanie duhs that Holly wants to marry Hef.
The ceremony is lovely. Everything is white except for orange flowers in the bride’s hair and in the bouquet. Shane’s mom and dad are crying. Looks like somebody forgot to tell them their new sister-in-law is a big ho? There is a Micky and Minnie Mouse cake-topper. Holly interviews, “Everyone was wishing Hef was there.” Everyone? Even mom and dad?
There are cute pictures of the normal heterosexual monogamous couple on the beach, then cut to dinner and more bouquet jokes. Bridget does not want to catch it and says she would chuck it to Holly. The sister wants to “rig” the toss so Holly will get it. Is it weird that everyone is so ok with Holly marrying Hef, from the other girlfriends down to Holly’s own family?
No time for rational thought, on to Jamacian fire dancing! “Nothing virgin is fun,” Bridget interviews. Truer words, ugly one. The poor groom is trying to dance. Your new sister-in-law’s gift to you? You get to prove you’re a dork on pay cable. Kendra does a mean bootie shake, but looks lost and confused during the bunny hop.
While Kendra smokes a cigar, Holly finally picks up a landline and calls Hef. More fucking bouquet jokes. One of the three very, very young women sitting on Hef’s bed totally smirks while they talk.
And now, a commercial for Anna Ferris’ movie, “The House Bunny”. Basically, it is a documentary of Bridget’s first year at school. You should check it out.
Holly is wearing a lovely yellow sundress with some green shit on it.
“Thanks for everything guys,” the bride says, as the trio of concubines get ready to leave the island. That statement pretty much reveals the show paid for the wedding, if there was any doubt.
Oh, yeah, they go back and present Hef with Rasta wigs. And tell him they miss him. And, I assume, chase the other blondes out of the house.
You know, I was hoping to get an episode where the girls go on a trip. And the girls call Hef while they are on the trip? And Hef answers the phone in the mansion where he always is? And Hef is sitting on the bed? And on the bed right next to Hef, who is laughing and talking to his head girlfriend? Is a very, very young blonde girl. Or two. So that I can reveal that he does this. Every. Single. Time. He’s doing this on *their* show! It’s the girl’s show and he’s doing this. Unbelievable. Pufffiiieeeeennn.