flipit
08-26-2008, 11:41 AM
Supernanny: A Weenie in My Weenie…
Strap yourself into the naughty seat, this week on Supernanny, Jojo gets totally abused by some Children of the Corn-looking mofos. Right off the top of the show, the narrator says the McKeever family has "two of the most badly behaved children Jo has ever encountered." Promises, promises…
Has anyone ever noticed that the intro music to this show sounds like it was sung by the "Ding Fries Are Done" guy? Either that or Randy Newman got trashed before he hit the recording studio.
Anyway, the show opens with Jojo hitching a ride in her Super British Cab to Corona, CA where one of the younger McKeebler elves introduces his clan as "the butt family." Brilliant. Little Hunter McKeever is 7. River is 6. Those are probably the most suburban, Caucasian names their parents could have come up with. Both boys look exactly alike -- little troll dolls, with spiky hair and big, dead, bug eyes.
Mom Lucy says River is very violent. Hunter, she says, is hyperactive. He bites, kicks, and hits. Then there's dad Corey, whose problem is that he works 60 to 70 hours a week in a recording studio.
Lucy and Corey don't match. Lucy is a painted harlot with ratty blond hair. She wears low cut tops that show off her red, leathery cleavage. She applies lipstick outside the lines of her lips to get that sexy clownish look. The layers of dark liner around her eyes make her look squinty.
Corey, on the other hand, looks like he's given up on living. Pale, sallow skin. Pale, dead eyes. He is, though, fighting his receding hairline by growing long bangs which fall boyishly over one eye. He looks like a cross between John Cougar Mellancamp and that time when Zack Morris grew out his greasy hair. That one extravagance, though, seems to have left Corey with a big balding patch on the other side of his head. He wears black and slouches around looking sad. If this guy was a few years younger he'd be totally emo.
The introduction to the Butt family continues. One of the little trolls loves to swear. "Hell… diarrhea, poop, pee!" he yells joyously. Oh, the pleasure the small ones get from bodily functions. If only they could remain so innocent forever… And by the way, why are bodily functions considered swearing? Loosen up America!
In the car on the way somewhere, one of the boys yells "I'm gonna stick a weenie in my weenie!" Um, wow. That's just… gross. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm guessing it's not something a six-year-old should even know about, and frankly, I'm intrigued. Where does one learn about such things? Mom doesn't care and tells him he's stupid. She whines that she's too embarrassed to go anywhere with them. Hey Chesty LaRue, maybe they don't wanna be seen with you either.
Enough with the intros, we need Supernanny to rescue this family from ten more years of diarrhea and weenies… after that, these boys are their girlfriends' problems. Jojo arrives in her special cab, rocking the tight suit as usual. I actually think Jo's a pretty hot nanny.
Jo's greeted by a kick to the privates from River. He then throws a ball at her and threatens to beat her ass down. These kids may be violent, but they have terrible hand/eye coordination. They can't hit Jo's big ass with the ball to save their lives, and sometimes they miss when they're punching or kicking. Perhaps they're drunk. It would explain their lack of coordination as well as their nonsensical talk. I mean, who hasn't wished for a weenie in their weenie after last call?
Jo continues to observe as Mom helps her two little trolls with their homework. It's a disaster as she rushes through it and calls one of the kids an idiot. I don't have kids, but I'm pretty sure that's on the list of things that only terrible ho-moms do.
Daddy's home now, and Mom makes him put River in a time out. Fighting ensues and River kicks his dad's ass. Geez Corey, quit painting your nails black and grow a pair. After the fight, River is supposed to clean his room. Instead, he digs around in his nose for awhile and pulls out what appears to be a raisin. That… is disgusting. Why would something that color be accumulating in a healthy child's nose?? River then smears his black booger on a nearby table while Corey freaks out. More fighting ensues, and more than an hour later, Dad Corey is pouting in a corner. Eventually he slouches away to complain to Jojo while Lucy mans up and puts the boys to bed.
At the Parents' Meeting, Jo calls the kids' behavior disgusting and points out that they don't respect either Slouchy or Slutty. When Lucy complains about Corey not helping, Jo says they need to work "togevuh." Corey pouts and grooms his glorious bangs.
The next day Jojo arrives with "Smiley Balls." Don't worry, they have nothing to do with weenies in weenies. Instead, when the boys do something good, they get a ball in their fishbowls. When they do something bad, a ball gets taken away. The more balls they have, the more privileges they get. No one points out that a) the opposite seems to be working for Corey. That guy has NO balls. And b) do these kids really need more projectiles around the house?
While Jojo is laying down the house rules, one of the little trolls pipes up and says their Daddy never has a good time with them because he's always on the computer. Awww… Jo looks at Corey expecting him to apologize or reassure his neglected son, but he just gazes into space blankly, perhaps thinking: "Dear Diary, Mood: apathetic." When Jo pulls him away, Corey's excuse is that he's been "hiding all his life." Grrr… why is EVERYONE allowed to have kids?
The family's first big test comes when Hunter trashes the guest room because he didn't get a snack. The kid has destroyed the room. Jo walks in and calmly tells him to clean it up. This is actually a hard task because it appears that in a fit of hunger-induced Hulkian rage, Hunter has pulled the full-size mattress off the box spring. We don't see how he gets it cleaned up, but apparently he manages either through the magic of television, or the pain of hemorrhoids.
Later, Jo talks to the boys about their dad. They say they don't like him and he doesn't play with them. Hmmm… where else might they have learned about the weenies? Anywho, Jo makes a board that somehow forces Corey to spend time with his kids. He whines that he never learned that sort of thing from his dad. Jo snaps at him that it's not rocket science, and I agree. Just get some Cosby Show DVDs and you'll be fine, man.
They can't make this too easy, otherwise, this show would just have regular old average nannies, and not super British nannies, so we see more of the boys misbehaving. They won't eat, one wants to throw a knife, another drools and screams. By the time Jo takes off again, Corey's worn out and has strapped on a sexy black headband to keep his bangs from getting too moist. Jo leaves with some last minute advice, and Corey confessionals that he thinks they'll be great. His dead, flat eyes are not convincing.
When Jojo returns a few days later, it's time for the DVD meeting, where they watch their progress on tiny portable DVD player, even though they've got a giant TV in the next room. They start off on the wrong foot, with Lucy going apeshit over the warning system. She warns the kids 50 times in one car ride. Lucy redeems herself at homework time, though. Then, it's Corey's turn. In the DVD playback, he tries to helps, then whines, then plays with his bangs. Eventually, he sulks off. While they watch all this on the DVD, he pouts and crosses his arms. Then we see him "playing" with the kids. Turns out he's too tired to do that, and doesn't want to get his black clothes dirty. Jo calls him selfish and accuses him of having emotional issues. In response, Corey hides in the bathroom crying and probably cutting himself by this point.
Eventually Jo gets him out of his deep hole of depression long enough to teach one of the kids to ride a bike without training wheels. And apparently, that's the happiest ending Supernanny is capable of. One of the little trolls grudgingly says "thank you Jojo," and they wave her ass off. The Butt family indeed… I hope the money this show pays them was worth them looking like a bunch of asses.
Strap yourself into the naughty seat, this week on Supernanny, Jojo gets totally abused by some Children of the Corn-looking mofos. Right off the top of the show, the narrator says the McKeever family has "two of the most badly behaved children Jo has ever encountered." Promises, promises…
Has anyone ever noticed that the intro music to this show sounds like it was sung by the "Ding Fries Are Done" guy? Either that or Randy Newman got trashed before he hit the recording studio.
Anyway, the show opens with Jojo hitching a ride in her Super British Cab to Corona, CA where one of the younger McKeebler elves introduces his clan as "the butt family." Brilliant. Little Hunter McKeever is 7. River is 6. Those are probably the most suburban, Caucasian names their parents could have come up with. Both boys look exactly alike -- little troll dolls, with spiky hair and big, dead, bug eyes.
Mom Lucy says River is very violent. Hunter, she says, is hyperactive. He bites, kicks, and hits. Then there's dad Corey, whose problem is that he works 60 to 70 hours a week in a recording studio.
Lucy and Corey don't match. Lucy is a painted harlot with ratty blond hair. She wears low cut tops that show off her red, leathery cleavage. She applies lipstick outside the lines of her lips to get that sexy clownish look. The layers of dark liner around her eyes make her look squinty.
Corey, on the other hand, looks like he's given up on living. Pale, sallow skin. Pale, dead eyes. He is, though, fighting his receding hairline by growing long bangs which fall boyishly over one eye. He looks like a cross between John Cougar Mellancamp and that time when Zack Morris grew out his greasy hair. That one extravagance, though, seems to have left Corey with a big balding patch on the other side of his head. He wears black and slouches around looking sad. If this guy was a few years younger he'd be totally emo.
The introduction to the Butt family continues. One of the little trolls loves to swear. "Hell… diarrhea, poop, pee!" he yells joyously. Oh, the pleasure the small ones get from bodily functions. If only they could remain so innocent forever… And by the way, why are bodily functions considered swearing? Loosen up America!
In the car on the way somewhere, one of the boys yells "I'm gonna stick a weenie in my weenie!" Um, wow. That's just… gross. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm guessing it's not something a six-year-old should even know about, and frankly, I'm intrigued. Where does one learn about such things? Mom doesn't care and tells him he's stupid. She whines that she's too embarrassed to go anywhere with them. Hey Chesty LaRue, maybe they don't wanna be seen with you either.
Enough with the intros, we need Supernanny to rescue this family from ten more years of diarrhea and weenies… after that, these boys are their girlfriends' problems. Jojo arrives in her special cab, rocking the tight suit as usual. I actually think Jo's a pretty hot nanny.
Jo's greeted by a kick to the privates from River. He then throws a ball at her and threatens to beat her ass down. These kids may be violent, but they have terrible hand/eye coordination. They can't hit Jo's big ass with the ball to save their lives, and sometimes they miss when they're punching or kicking. Perhaps they're drunk. It would explain their lack of coordination as well as their nonsensical talk. I mean, who hasn't wished for a weenie in their weenie after last call?
Jo continues to observe as Mom helps her two little trolls with their homework. It's a disaster as she rushes through it and calls one of the kids an idiot. I don't have kids, but I'm pretty sure that's on the list of things that only terrible ho-moms do.
Daddy's home now, and Mom makes him put River in a time out. Fighting ensues and River kicks his dad's ass. Geez Corey, quit painting your nails black and grow a pair. After the fight, River is supposed to clean his room. Instead, he digs around in his nose for awhile and pulls out what appears to be a raisin. That… is disgusting. Why would something that color be accumulating in a healthy child's nose?? River then smears his black booger on a nearby table while Corey freaks out. More fighting ensues, and more than an hour later, Dad Corey is pouting in a corner. Eventually he slouches away to complain to Jojo while Lucy mans up and puts the boys to bed.
At the Parents' Meeting, Jo calls the kids' behavior disgusting and points out that they don't respect either Slouchy or Slutty. When Lucy complains about Corey not helping, Jo says they need to work "togevuh." Corey pouts and grooms his glorious bangs.
The next day Jojo arrives with "Smiley Balls." Don't worry, they have nothing to do with weenies in weenies. Instead, when the boys do something good, they get a ball in their fishbowls. When they do something bad, a ball gets taken away. The more balls they have, the more privileges they get. No one points out that a) the opposite seems to be working for Corey. That guy has NO balls. And b) do these kids really need more projectiles around the house?
While Jojo is laying down the house rules, one of the little trolls pipes up and says their Daddy never has a good time with them because he's always on the computer. Awww… Jo looks at Corey expecting him to apologize or reassure his neglected son, but he just gazes into space blankly, perhaps thinking: "Dear Diary, Mood: apathetic." When Jo pulls him away, Corey's excuse is that he's been "hiding all his life." Grrr… why is EVERYONE allowed to have kids?
The family's first big test comes when Hunter trashes the guest room because he didn't get a snack. The kid has destroyed the room. Jo walks in and calmly tells him to clean it up. This is actually a hard task because it appears that in a fit of hunger-induced Hulkian rage, Hunter has pulled the full-size mattress off the box spring. We don't see how he gets it cleaned up, but apparently he manages either through the magic of television, or the pain of hemorrhoids.
Later, Jo talks to the boys about their dad. They say they don't like him and he doesn't play with them. Hmmm… where else might they have learned about the weenies? Anywho, Jo makes a board that somehow forces Corey to spend time with his kids. He whines that he never learned that sort of thing from his dad. Jo snaps at him that it's not rocket science, and I agree. Just get some Cosby Show DVDs and you'll be fine, man.
They can't make this too easy, otherwise, this show would just have regular old average nannies, and not super British nannies, so we see more of the boys misbehaving. They won't eat, one wants to throw a knife, another drools and screams. By the time Jo takes off again, Corey's worn out and has strapped on a sexy black headband to keep his bangs from getting too moist. Jo leaves with some last minute advice, and Corey confessionals that he thinks they'll be great. His dead, flat eyes are not convincing.
When Jojo returns a few days later, it's time for the DVD meeting, where they watch their progress on tiny portable DVD player, even though they've got a giant TV in the next room. They start off on the wrong foot, with Lucy going apeshit over the warning system. She warns the kids 50 times in one car ride. Lucy redeems herself at homework time, though. Then, it's Corey's turn. In the DVD playback, he tries to helps, then whines, then plays with his bangs. Eventually, he sulks off. While they watch all this on the DVD, he pouts and crosses his arms. Then we see him "playing" with the kids. Turns out he's too tired to do that, and doesn't want to get his black clothes dirty. Jo calls him selfish and accuses him of having emotional issues. In response, Corey hides in the bathroom crying and probably cutting himself by this point.
Eventually Jo gets him out of his deep hole of depression long enough to teach one of the kids to ride a bike without training wheels. And apparently, that's the happiest ending Supernanny is capable of. One of the little trolls grudgingly says "thank you Jojo," and they wave her ass off. The Butt family indeed… I hope the money this show pays them was worth them looking like a bunch of asses.