flipit
12-22-2008, 10:03 AM
A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa
A Muppets Christmas starts off with a backdrop of NYC; the Rockefeller skating rink, tall sky scrapers, a line to the post office that stretches around the corner… What is wrong with these people? Why don’t they just use the postage machine at work? It’s free! Oh wait, I’m supposed to reimburse them for that? I’m not supposed to take home the office supplies either? Er, moving along…
A few rats are chillin’ outside, singing, “We wish you a Merry Christmas” while all of New York and half of Jersey wait in line. I don’t get it, I know New York has like a million rats, but I think that if I were standing in line to drop of some packages and looked over and saw rats, singing nonetheless, I’d be a little weirded out. And by weirded out I mean I’d be throwing my package at them and running in the opposite direction. Rats are ugly and creepy, muppet or not. One time my friend had a mouse at her house. We threw bits of slice cheese on the floor and waited on the sofa with baseball bats. True story.
Besides all of the homo sapiens in line, we also have Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Fozzie, Pepe and Rizzo. We learn that Kermit and Piggy going to Caribbean to enjoy white sand versus white snow. Miss Piggy is complaining they are going to miss their flight because of the line. “How hard is it to mail a letter? Lick the stamp and move!” Exactly Miss Piggy. Yours appear to be already stamped, drop them in a blue box and roll out. Why are you standing in that long ass line to mail out LETTERS? Miss Piggy asks Mayor Bloomberg to move her to the front of the line, he says “Miss Piggy that would be rude and the one thing New Yorkers are know for is being polite.” Now I find that hard to believe, they mayor goes to the post office, shouldn’t he have an intern or someone to do his bitch work?
Once they make it inside the USPS Kermit break out into song about how time flies. It’s unmemorable and boring and he even mentions for us to “give it up for the folks in gray.” Gag me. The postal service is making sure Santa get his mail. They even let the gang inside the mailroom. Inside, more rats! And monsters and chickens as well. Pepe asks “what kind of post office is this?” My sentiments exactly. The postal worker offers for muppets to help . Pepe thinks he is pulling his tail and says “You actually think Santa is gonna read those letters?” Pepe, if stuffed animals can talk, anything is possible. Miss Piggy demands “stop singing and get me outta here!” Gonzo messes with a lever, which speeds us the belt that is sorting the letters. Ah yes, never seen that before. To quote Kermit, the postal office goes “postal.” Kermit gets his tie caught in the belt and goes in with mail. Some how all his muppet friends follow and they end up in basket on other side of the room. Now what in the hell is the purpose of the belt when all it does is drop the mail on the other side of the room? The postal workers bag up all the muppets throw them on ground by a brownstone. We get our first appearance from the two grumpy old guys who make a relatively lame joke about returning to sender.
Once we get in the apartment we meet the cute girl from that movie where the Rock was a football player who found out he had a daughter. You know, the one where she bejeweled his football. Her mom’s the chick from 30 Rock. No not Tina Fey, Jane Polishinski. Whatever, it ends in ski like 98% of all Polish last names. Mom is all excited cause she found a Blow up Santa. All I can think about the that South Park episode where Cartman finds his mom’s blow up Antonia Bandaras doll and thinks it’s his Christmas present. Clare (the little girl) invites the muppets to Christmas dinner. What is she thinking? They are muppets, they don’t have digestive tracts. Sadly, they are all going on vacation. Awh, all her friends are going away for holidays. Claire and Gonzo air kiss and she and her mom go inside to blow up Santa.
Oh no! Gonzo accidentally brought back letters to Santa. And one of them was Claire’s! Gonzo and Fozzie take them back to post office, but it’s closed early for Christmas Eve. Wait a minute, it’s Christmas Eve? How in the hell do these kids think Santa will get their letter in time? I mail a letter to the town next over and it takes three days. When I was a kid I wrote my Santa letters in like October, I wanted to be sure my parents knew what to ge – I mean, that the elves had time to make my presents.
Fozzie suggests they open the letters . Sam the Eagle drops in to give us a PSA about how opening letters is a federal offense and you could go to prison. I feel like “the more you know” logo should run across the bottom. Fozzie is worried that if Santa finds out they read his mail he’ll put them on the naughty list.
Pepe suggests they email Santa at jollyfatman@completelymade up.com. Kermit says he’s not sure Santa uses the internet . Dr. Bunsen Honeydew assures Kermit he doesn’t. Phew. Good thing… cause I was worried he’d read this and get super pissed off at me making fun of the muppets. By the way, what’s the point in wearing glasses if you HAVE NO EYES?
Seriously, his head looks like a giant pea with nose and ears. Peahead has something that can grant wishes though. Cue Beaker coming out with a giant spaceship on his head. All I can think of is Carla from Top Chef. HOOTIE. Turns out the spaceship is actually the WISHGRANTER 3000. Beaker is instructed to wish for something he really want and poof a hot chick appears. Peahead tells him to send the lady home but Beaker says F you Peahead, I’m peacing out with my hot chick. I always knew Beaker had a lil’ freak in him. Remember the opening song of South Park, and how people said that Kenny was saying “I like girls with big fat titties.” Totally Beaker. Those mumblers are all the same.
Gonzo is super bummed he can’t help Claire. Miss Piggy comes out all ready to head to the Caribbean and Kermit lays the guilt trip on her. What about the kids, what about doing whats right? I’m totally with Miss Piggy when she says “what about meee?” I mean you can’t exactly get your trip refunded because your moron friend decided it would be fun to play with levers at the post office. I mean, I’d spring the $1.50 for him to call 411 for Santa’s number on my phone, but that’s about it. Kermit gets his face slammed in door.
Next they try to get pigeons to take the letters to Santa, but it doesn’t work because the lady pigeon is worried about her hubby catching the bird flu. They bicker about how all she does is peck peck peck peck peck and keeps them broke while their son is hollering that he’s trying to watch his show. Totally feel him on that on. Cannot stand someone talking while I’m watching my shows. The worst is walk in while their on the phone and sit right beside you. I’m looking at you mom.
Pepe goes to mob to make letter problem go away. Ok, so Pepe is a prawn… I was wondering about that. Mob guys call him a shrimp and tell him that they know a guy, who knows a guy who knows a guy, who knows a girl (jk, a guy) who knows a guy who can get the letters to Santa. To which Pepe responds, “Are you busting my shells?” which makes me snort. Mob guy #2 says “Would I joke about letters to Santy Clause? I ain’t getting on no naughty list.” Mob guy #1 says “Don’t tell no one” at which point Rizzo pops up. The mob feels the same way I do about rats warns them, “we better not see you two around here again or you’re gonna sleep with the fishes.” Pepe retorts “I already do.” Zing. Pepe is my new favorite muppet. He long has this character been around anyways?
Meanwhile, some nerdy muppet has made a website for people to make suggestions on how to get the letters to Santa, but it hasn’t gotten any hits. Just then the hairy orange thing (what’s his name? Monster?) comes running out and bashes laptop with a bat. They make a joke about it being the first hit and play the wonh wonh music. WTF is Monster’s problem? Some one give that dude some Xanax. I would so beat his ass for bashing in my laptop. They’re just about to give up when Gonzo suggests they deliver the letters themselves. Kermit says that’s a great idea but may be a lil… “nuts” Pepe chimes in as he passes around a bucket of nuts. (How many corny one liners can they squeeze in?) Gonzo and Fonzie give Kermit a guilt trip about helping the kids, which I’m all for, but isn’t this kinda Gonzo’s fault in the first place? Miss Piggy busts in and retorts he promised her they’d go on vacation first. Piggy then tries to act all martyr-like and says if he really thinks he should go to the North Pole, then she wants him to go. .. and when he gets there… STAY THERE. That the Piggy I love! And with that, she heads off to the Caribbean without Kermit. Send a Cabana boy my way! And there go the hippie muppets off for a lil “trip” of their own. But with theirs they’ll just lay on the couch and talk about how a water stain on the ceiling resembles a Scottish terrier.
Pepe and Rizzo would love to help, but their flying unicorns are in the shop. Cue Gonzo breaking into a song about what’s in your heart. Um, valves, arteries and ventricles? Kermit and Fozzie decide do to the right thing and go the North Pole. Music interludes continues. I’lll spare you the details. Pepe and Rizzo tag along because they “can’t miss this trainwreck.” The gang catches a cab to the airport and Whoopie is the cab driver. The care fare is 85.73. Damn!
How convenient, the airport has a North Pole airlines. Uma Thurman pops up dressed in all white behind the desk. She says her name is Joy, but to me she’ll always be Beatrix Kiddo. Speaking of Uma, one time in college I was at a bar and this foreign dude comes up to me and tells me that I’m beautiful, I’m not all skinny like the Uma Thurman that American boys like. He then made this wavy motion with his hand, I guess alluding to the fact that I have curves, but to me it was a pretty big backhanded compliment. Like, hey you’re kinda pretty for a big girl. Personally, I’ve never heard any guy mention Uma Thurman when they talk about sexy actresses, but whatevs. Anyways, she offers them a candy cane and hands them one when there’s five of them. What are they going to do suck and pass? But, Kermit puts his foot down and says no thanks, they just really need their tickets.
Pepe has to surrender his blackberry, blueberry, raspberry and his Halle Berry and to the x-ray bins. Security guards, Nathan Lane and Bobo the Bear are checking them out. I think I’d be a little suspicious of talking stuffed animals too. Frank (Nathan Lane) says they rub him the wrong way, so Bobo tries to rub his hand. Meanwhile, Gonzo goes thru they x-ray station and tells the attendant “I’m sorry, I haven’t been to the doctor in a while, you see anything weird?” With the price of healthcare these days I can’t say I blame him. Frank says there is something unusual about them. Oh and having a bear (Who is also stuffed mind you) as a partner is totally normal? Bobo goes to check out the scene while Fozzie ask the gang who delivers Christmas to baby sharks? Santa Jaws. Sound the alarm, it’s a federal offense to tell jokes in airport, especially ones that are that bad says Bobo. But don’t worry, Fozzie has plenty more! Bobo tackles him as he’s pulling out note cards of them. Frank tells Bobo to take them to the interrogation room, aka the coffee room. .
Back at the apartment, rat carolers are singing to the old grumps. Old man #1 says his favorite part of Christmas is heckling carolers. Old man #2 says they should sing silent night and just stay silent all night. Wow, sidesplitting there bud. If you’re going to heckle carolers, you should answer the door and sing “dreidel dreidel drediel, I made you outta clay” at the top of your lungs. They just don’t know how to respond to that.
Meanwhile in the cof – I mean interrogation room, Frank is asking for cattle prods. The highest voltage they have. Sick bastard. He grills them on why they were going to the North Pole. Kermit tells him they were delivering letters to Santa. Franks scoffs, they don’t really believe in that stuff but Bobo reminds him he wrote a letter to Santa. When he was a little boy he asked for a shiny new trike with red ribbons on the handlebars and a shiny new bell that went ding ding ding. But when he woke up Christmas morning, no TRIKEY! Apparently he was put on naughty list for being a bully. I think it was for all the shitty movies he’s made. Kermit convinces him to changes his ways Frank lets them on the plane to deliver the letters. Bobo tries to follow them, but alas Frank stops him. Can’t say I blame him, who knows what he’ll do when the cattle prods get there.
Beatrix pops back up at gate 5. Apparently the plane has left the gate, but that’s ok because they can just hold on to the wing! For three straight hours. Screaming the entire time. Once they reach the North Pole, they simply let go and poof they are right in front of Santa’s. Damn Santa has a bomb ass workshop. He should have a cribs episode. I bet he has Cristal in the fridge too, cause that’s how Santa rolls. The gang knocks on the door and Santa’s chief elf answers. Kermit asks to speak to Santa, but Santa is outy 5000. I mean really, it’s the night before Christmas, do they expect him to be sitting at home watching Tivo??
The gang turns away from the door and sulks that they really thought that if they came all the way to the North Pole that Santa would help. Except Pepe. Man I love that lil asshole. Kermit tries to reassure Gonzo that he tried everything he could, but Gonzo feels he let Claire down and goes off by himself. Gonzo then starts singing how he wishes he could be Santa for one day and how he loves the way it feels in inside when he does something good. Fozzie has followed Gonzo and joins along in singing, except he’s more concerned with Santa’s hat and milk and cookies. Lots of mushiness all around. Suddenly there’s sparkly shit in the air. Santa comes down and tells them to hop on the sleigh. His flight attendant is none other than Beatrix from the airport. She helps them on and peaces out, what kind of flight attendant is that? Where’s my blanket and hot towel bitch?
So they are going through the letters Gonzo brought and Pepe the pessimist wrote a letter to Santa. He was just acting macho all day, he’s really a sensitive prawn deep down. Santa grants Pepe’s wish to be a fabulous opera singer but cuts him off three notes into his song. The next letter they read is Officer Frank’s. They take him off the naughty list, bring him his trikey and him and Bobo ding ding ding ‘til their heart are content. The last letter is Clare’s. All she wanted was her friends to be there for Christmas. So they basically went to the North Pole for nothing. All she wanted was them!
They show up at the apartment and surprise her at the door. Clare invites the whole gang in. And I mean every muppet ever created. Clare’s mom is checking out the guests and comments about there being a penguin in her house, which cause Rizzo to freak the fuck out and me to giggle. Someone brings in a tree. Pepe macks on Clare’s mom a bit. Swedish chef and turkey say some things that are undistinguishable. Miss Piggie shows up cause she missed her Kermie. Even the dirty hippies and Dr. T show up. Yay togetherness! Why didn’t they already have a tree? It’s Christmas Eve for crying out loud.
They break out into another song and I am thankful that it is over! Oh yea, it wound up snowing anyways, so they got a White Christmas after all.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my recap. I hope it entertained you at least a little bit. I must say, I have a new found appreciation for the recappers after this. There is a lot more time put into this than I imagined there would be. I hope you all have a safe and Happy Holiday season!
A Muppets Christmas starts off with a backdrop of NYC; the Rockefeller skating rink, tall sky scrapers, a line to the post office that stretches around the corner… What is wrong with these people? Why don’t they just use the postage machine at work? It’s free! Oh wait, I’m supposed to reimburse them for that? I’m not supposed to take home the office supplies either? Er, moving along…
A few rats are chillin’ outside, singing, “We wish you a Merry Christmas” while all of New York and half of Jersey wait in line. I don’t get it, I know New York has like a million rats, but I think that if I were standing in line to drop of some packages and looked over and saw rats, singing nonetheless, I’d be a little weirded out. And by weirded out I mean I’d be throwing my package at them and running in the opposite direction. Rats are ugly and creepy, muppet or not. One time my friend had a mouse at her house. We threw bits of slice cheese on the floor and waited on the sofa with baseball bats. True story.
Besides all of the homo sapiens in line, we also have Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Fozzie, Pepe and Rizzo. We learn that Kermit and Piggy going to Caribbean to enjoy white sand versus white snow. Miss Piggy is complaining they are going to miss their flight because of the line. “How hard is it to mail a letter? Lick the stamp and move!” Exactly Miss Piggy. Yours appear to be already stamped, drop them in a blue box and roll out. Why are you standing in that long ass line to mail out LETTERS? Miss Piggy asks Mayor Bloomberg to move her to the front of the line, he says “Miss Piggy that would be rude and the one thing New Yorkers are know for is being polite.” Now I find that hard to believe, they mayor goes to the post office, shouldn’t he have an intern or someone to do his bitch work?
Once they make it inside the USPS Kermit break out into song about how time flies. It’s unmemorable and boring and he even mentions for us to “give it up for the folks in gray.” Gag me. The postal service is making sure Santa get his mail. They even let the gang inside the mailroom. Inside, more rats! And monsters and chickens as well. Pepe asks “what kind of post office is this?” My sentiments exactly. The postal worker offers for muppets to help . Pepe thinks he is pulling his tail and says “You actually think Santa is gonna read those letters?” Pepe, if stuffed animals can talk, anything is possible. Miss Piggy demands “stop singing and get me outta here!” Gonzo messes with a lever, which speeds us the belt that is sorting the letters. Ah yes, never seen that before. To quote Kermit, the postal office goes “postal.” Kermit gets his tie caught in the belt and goes in with mail. Some how all his muppet friends follow and they end up in basket on other side of the room. Now what in the hell is the purpose of the belt when all it does is drop the mail on the other side of the room? The postal workers bag up all the muppets throw them on ground by a brownstone. We get our first appearance from the two grumpy old guys who make a relatively lame joke about returning to sender.
Once we get in the apartment we meet the cute girl from that movie where the Rock was a football player who found out he had a daughter. You know, the one where she bejeweled his football. Her mom’s the chick from 30 Rock. No not Tina Fey, Jane Polishinski. Whatever, it ends in ski like 98% of all Polish last names. Mom is all excited cause she found a Blow up Santa. All I can think about the that South Park episode where Cartman finds his mom’s blow up Antonia Bandaras doll and thinks it’s his Christmas present. Clare (the little girl) invites the muppets to Christmas dinner. What is she thinking? They are muppets, they don’t have digestive tracts. Sadly, they are all going on vacation. Awh, all her friends are going away for holidays. Claire and Gonzo air kiss and she and her mom go inside to blow up Santa.
Oh no! Gonzo accidentally brought back letters to Santa. And one of them was Claire’s! Gonzo and Fozzie take them back to post office, but it’s closed early for Christmas Eve. Wait a minute, it’s Christmas Eve? How in the hell do these kids think Santa will get their letter in time? I mail a letter to the town next over and it takes three days. When I was a kid I wrote my Santa letters in like October, I wanted to be sure my parents knew what to ge – I mean, that the elves had time to make my presents.
Fozzie suggests they open the letters . Sam the Eagle drops in to give us a PSA about how opening letters is a federal offense and you could go to prison. I feel like “the more you know” logo should run across the bottom. Fozzie is worried that if Santa finds out they read his mail he’ll put them on the naughty list.
Pepe suggests they email Santa at jollyfatman@completelymade up.com. Kermit says he’s not sure Santa uses the internet . Dr. Bunsen Honeydew assures Kermit he doesn’t. Phew. Good thing… cause I was worried he’d read this and get super pissed off at me making fun of the muppets. By the way, what’s the point in wearing glasses if you HAVE NO EYES?
Seriously, his head looks like a giant pea with nose and ears. Peahead has something that can grant wishes though. Cue Beaker coming out with a giant spaceship on his head. All I can think of is Carla from Top Chef. HOOTIE. Turns out the spaceship is actually the WISHGRANTER 3000. Beaker is instructed to wish for something he really want and poof a hot chick appears. Peahead tells him to send the lady home but Beaker says F you Peahead, I’m peacing out with my hot chick. I always knew Beaker had a lil’ freak in him. Remember the opening song of South Park, and how people said that Kenny was saying “I like girls with big fat titties.” Totally Beaker. Those mumblers are all the same.
Gonzo is super bummed he can’t help Claire. Miss Piggy comes out all ready to head to the Caribbean and Kermit lays the guilt trip on her. What about the kids, what about doing whats right? I’m totally with Miss Piggy when she says “what about meee?” I mean you can’t exactly get your trip refunded because your moron friend decided it would be fun to play with levers at the post office. I mean, I’d spring the $1.50 for him to call 411 for Santa’s number on my phone, but that’s about it. Kermit gets his face slammed in door.
Next they try to get pigeons to take the letters to Santa, but it doesn’t work because the lady pigeon is worried about her hubby catching the bird flu. They bicker about how all she does is peck peck peck peck peck and keeps them broke while their son is hollering that he’s trying to watch his show. Totally feel him on that on. Cannot stand someone talking while I’m watching my shows. The worst is walk in while their on the phone and sit right beside you. I’m looking at you mom.
Pepe goes to mob to make letter problem go away. Ok, so Pepe is a prawn… I was wondering about that. Mob guys call him a shrimp and tell him that they know a guy, who knows a guy who knows a guy, who knows a girl (jk, a guy) who knows a guy who can get the letters to Santa. To which Pepe responds, “Are you busting my shells?” which makes me snort. Mob guy #2 says “Would I joke about letters to Santy Clause? I ain’t getting on no naughty list.” Mob guy #1 says “Don’t tell no one” at which point Rizzo pops up. The mob feels the same way I do about rats warns them, “we better not see you two around here again or you’re gonna sleep with the fishes.” Pepe retorts “I already do.” Zing. Pepe is my new favorite muppet. He long has this character been around anyways?
Meanwhile, some nerdy muppet has made a website for people to make suggestions on how to get the letters to Santa, but it hasn’t gotten any hits. Just then the hairy orange thing (what’s his name? Monster?) comes running out and bashes laptop with a bat. They make a joke about it being the first hit and play the wonh wonh music. WTF is Monster’s problem? Some one give that dude some Xanax. I would so beat his ass for bashing in my laptop. They’re just about to give up when Gonzo suggests they deliver the letters themselves. Kermit says that’s a great idea but may be a lil… “nuts” Pepe chimes in as he passes around a bucket of nuts. (How many corny one liners can they squeeze in?) Gonzo and Fonzie give Kermit a guilt trip about helping the kids, which I’m all for, but isn’t this kinda Gonzo’s fault in the first place? Miss Piggy busts in and retorts he promised her they’d go on vacation first. Piggy then tries to act all martyr-like and says if he really thinks he should go to the North Pole, then she wants him to go. .. and when he gets there… STAY THERE. That the Piggy I love! And with that, she heads off to the Caribbean without Kermit. Send a Cabana boy my way! And there go the hippie muppets off for a lil “trip” of their own. But with theirs they’ll just lay on the couch and talk about how a water stain on the ceiling resembles a Scottish terrier.
Pepe and Rizzo would love to help, but their flying unicorns are in the shop. Cue Gonzo breaking into a song about what’s in your heart. Um, valves, arteries and ventricles? Kermit and Fozzie decide do to the right thing and go the North Pole. Music interludes continues. I’lll spare you the details. Pepe and Rizzo tag along because they “can’t miss this trainwreck.” The gang catches a cab to the airport and Whoopie is the cab driver. The care fare is 85.73. Damn!
How convenient, the airport has a North Pole airlines. Uma Thurman pops up dressed in all white behind the desk. She says her name is Joy, but to me she’ll always be Beatrix Kiddo. Speaking of Uma, one time in college I was at a bar and this foreign dude comes up to me and tells me that I’m beautiful, I’m not all skinny like the Uma Thurman that American boys like. He then made this wavy motion with his hand, I guess alluding to the fact that I have curves, but to me it was a pretty big backhanded compliment. Like, hey you’re kinda pretty for a big girl. Personally, I’ve never heard any guy mention Uma Thurman when they talk about sexy actresses, but whatevs. Anyways, she offers them a candy cane and hands them one when there’s five of them. What are they going to do suck and pass? But, Kermit puts his foot down and says no thanks, they just really need their tickets.
Pepe has to surrender his blackberry, blueberry, raspberry and his Halle Berry and to the x-ray bins. Security guards, Nathan Lane and Bobo the Bear are checking them out. I think I’d be a little suspicious of talking stuffed animals too. Frank (Nathan Lane) says they rub him the wrong way, so Bobo tries to rub his hand. Meanwhile, Gonzo goes thru they x-ray station and tells the attendant “I’m sorry, I haven’t been to the doctor in a while, you see anything weird?” With the price of healthcare these days I can’t say I blame him. Frank says there is something unusual about them. Oh and having a bear (Who is also stuffed mind you) as a partner is totally normal? Bobo goes to check out the scene while Fozzie ask the gang who delivers Christmas to baby sharks? Santa Jaws. Sound the alarm, it’s a federal offense to tell jokes in airport, especially ones that are that bad says Bobo. But don’t worry, Fozzie has plenty more! Bobo tackles him as he’s pulling out note cards of them. Frank tells Bobo to take them to the interrogation room, aka the coffee room. .
Back at the apartment, rat carolers are singing to the old grumps. Old man #1 says his favorite part of Christmas is heckling carolers. Old man #2 says they should sing silent night and just stay silent all night. Wow, sidesplitting there bud. If you’re going to heckle carolers, you should answer the door and sing “dreidel dreidel drediel, I made you outta clay” at the top of your lungs. They just don’t know how to respond to that.
Meanwhile in the cof – I mean interrogation room, Frank is asking for cattle prods. The highest voltage they have. Sick bastard. He grills them on why they were going to the North Pole. Kermit tells him they were delivering letters to Santa. Franks scoffs, they don’t really believe in that stuff but Bobo reminds him he wrote a letter to Santa. When he was a little boy he asked for a shiny new trike with red ribbons on the handlebars and a shiny new bell that went ding ding ding. But when he woke up Christmas morning, no TRIKEY! Apparently he was put on naughty list for being a bully. I think it was for all the shitty movies he’s made. Kermit convinces him to changes his ways Frank lets them on the plane to deliver the letters. Bobo tries to follow them, but alas Frank stops him. Can’t say I blame him, who knows what he’ll do when the cattle prods get there.
Beatrix pops back up at gate 5. Apparently the plane has left the gate, but that’s ok because they can just hold on to the wing! For three straight hours. Screaming the entire time. Once they reach the North Pole, they simply let go and poof they are right in front of Santa’s. Damn Santa has a bomb ass workshop. He should have a cribs episode. I bet he has Cristal in the fridge too, cause that’s how Santa rolls. The gang knocks on the door and Santa’s chief elf answers. Kermit asks to speak to Santa, but Santa is outy 5000. I mean really, it’s the night before Christmas, do they expect him to be sitting at home watching Tivo??
The gang turns away from the door and sulks that they really thought that if they came all the way to the North Pole that Santa would help. Except Pepe. Man I love that lil asshole. Kermit tries to reassure Gonzo that he tried everything he could, but Gonzo feels he let Claire down and goes off by himself. Gonzo then starts singing how he wishes he could be Santa for one day and how he loves the way it feels in inside when he does something good. Fozzie has followed Gonzo and joins along in singing, except he’s more concerned with Santa’s hat and milk and cookies. Lots of mushiness all around. Suddenly there’s sparkly shit in the air. Santa comes down and tells them to hop on the sleigh. His flight attendant is none other than Beatrix from the airport. She helps them on and peaces out, what kind of flight attendant is that? Where’s my blanket and hot towel bitch?
So they are going through the letters Gonzo brought and Pepe the pessimist wrote a letter to Santa. He was just acting macho all day, he’s really a sensitive prawn deep down. Santa grants Pepe’s wish to be a fabulous opera singer but cuts him off three notes into his song. The next letter they read is Officer Frank’s. They take him off the naughty list, bring him his trikey and him and Bobo ding ding ding ‘til their heart are content. The last letter is Clare’s. All she wanted was her friends to be there for Christmas. So they basically went to the North Pole for nothing. All she wanted was them!
They show up at the apartment and surprise her at the door. Clare invites the whole gang in. And I mean every muppet ever created. Clare’s mom is checking out the guests and comments about there being a penguin in her house, which cause Rizzo to freak the fuck out and me to giggle. Someone brings in a tree. Pepe macks on Clare’s mom a bit. Swedish chef and turkey say some things that are undistinguishable. Miss Piggie shows up cause she missed her Kermie. Even the dirty hippies and Dr. T show up. Yay togetherness! Why didn’t they already have a tree? It’s Christmas Eve for crying out loud.
They break out into another song and I am thankful that it is over! Oh yea, it wound up snowing anyways, so they got a White Christmas after all.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my recap. I hope it entertained you at least a little bit. I must say, I have a new found appreciation for the recappers after this. There is a lot more time put into this than I imagined there would be. I hope you all have a safe and Happy Holiday season!