flipit
12-22-2008, 10:15 AM
A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa
We open on a handwritten Christmas letter. The voice over instructs us: “You better write your letter now and mail it right away, because he’s getting ready his reindeer and his sleigh.” Do kids these days still believe in Santa? I would think most kids would be so hopped up on Ritalin to even know what day of the week it was.
Fade to a little ethnic girl writing a letter to Santa at her desk. What a cute room. Must be nice to have so many matching pieces of furniture. Rich little bitch.
During the opening credits we are treated to “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” by the Crystals. Christmas songs would be a lot bearable if they were this sassy.
Christmas in New York. Radio City Music Hall, Rockefeller Plaza, random post office. A mail truck pulls up with a large bag o’ mail. The Rats, wearing cute little antler hats and sweaters sing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. The lead rat, Yolanda, is wearing a sweater very similar to the one I wore yesterday. A detail which I’m sure will pay out handsomely.
The Gang - Kermit, Piggy, Gonzo, Camila the Chicken, Fozzie, Rizzo the Rat and Pepe the King Prawn (whose work I’m unfamiliar with) - all wait in line, holding letters. Piggy looks good, as always. I think the blunt bangs and pearls are a nice contrast between naughty and nice. I hope no Muppets were harmed in the making of that fur-trimmed coat, though.
It’s a crisp, clear Christmas Eve. Kermit was hoping it would be a white Christmas. Piggy reminds him that they will be having one on “the white sand beaches of the Caribbean”. The line isn’t moving and Piggy is not happy about having to wait. Um, welcome to the local post office, honey. Piggy’s got it like that so she wants to talk to Mayor Bloomberg. And there he is right in front of them.
Piggy demands that Mayor Bloomberg take her to the front of the line. The Mayor tells her it would be rude and that the one thing New Yorkers are known for is for being polite. HYPERLINK "http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/2779683/New-Yorkers-are-neurotic-and-unfriendly-says-Cambridge-University-personality-map.html"Neurotic and unfriendly, but polite.
Kermit is happy for the long wait in line because it lets them spend time with their homies, for, you see, this will be their first Christmas apart. Piggy wonders if the line is even moving. Cue the first musical number of the show and for the line to start moving!
The song is about time, the end of the year or some shit. The Gang moves the song inside. “Give it up to the folks in grey…” All sense of realism is thrown out the window when all the postal workers are seen doing their job in a friendly and efficient manner. Also, what post office has three white people working at the front counter? And what the hell is wrong with their faces? Why are they showing all of their teeth like that? Is that a…smile?
“Always cheerful in the ways they serve us…” Man, it’s like a surreal nightmare.
Sweetums lugs a bag of mail and sings “Snow nor sleet nor frozen feet will cause this gang to fail”. No, but isn’t serving the public with a bitch-face attitude the same thing?
More singing.
Hey, it’s Jesse L. Martin, star of Broadway’s Rent and TV’s Law & Order! He’s playing one of these freak show happy postal workers and grabs the mail bin from Sweetums that has LETTERS TO SANTA stenciled on it. Liz Lemon will want to have a talk with that bin.
More singing by that tall drink of hot chocolate, Jesse L. Martin. Yum. We move behind the scenes where all the real action at the post office takes place. Apparently, the action in question is singing and not so intricate choreography. The behind the scenes goings-on of the post office look like so much fun!
More singing and joy. Muppets and humans sorting mail together in perfect harmony. The Gang checks out all the holiday fun. Pepe asks “What kind of post office is this?’
Jesse waves them over and recruits our Muppet friends to do the job my tax money is paying him to do. Gonzo finds a letter to Santa. Pepe asks if they’re yanking his chain. He doesn‘t think Santa will read the Letters to Santa. He and Rizzo are not believers.
Jesse pleasantly sings for them to hurry up. Hey pal, they’re helping you out. More choreography which includes some awkward poplocking by Kermit.
“We made the world a promise. There’s nothing we won’t do.. We’re here to make your Xmas wish come true…” “I got a wish for ya. Stop singing and get me outta here!” Oh Piggy, thou art diva.
Gonzo finds a lever that has the speeds SLOW, MEDIUM, FAST, TOO FAST, DON’T EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING THIS! The choice is obvious. Chaos ensues. In the madness, Kermit screams “This post office is quite postal!” I don’t think murderous rage is something to joke about, Kermit.
In the mail sorting frenzy, Kermit’s scarf gets stuck in the conveyor belt that leads into a hole in the wall. The sign above says “NORTH POLE OR BUST!!”. One by one they all follow Kermit on the belt that takes them through a vent above the room and winds up spitting them out in a bin on the other side. My question, why the conveyor belt? Why not just drop the letters in the bin. Is this the kind of inefficiency that’s plaguing our postal system and raising stamp prices?
Kermit’s offer to help clean up gets them stuffed in mail bag and thrown onto the steps of a fabulous New York brownstone. They’re greeted by everyone’s favorite married gay couple, Statler and Waldorf, who are chillin at the window sill like it was the hottest day of the year in Bed-Stuy.
On his way to his apartment, Gonzo is accosted by the little girl from the opening credits. Audience meet Claire. She wants to know if Gonzo mailed her letter. Too good to mail your own damn letter, Claire? She overacts relief when he said he did.
Who should walk out of Claire’s apartment but Jenna from 30 Rock! It’s not made clear, but I think the show wants us to believe that Jenna is playing the role of Claire’s mom. Hmmm, I ain’t buying it. Maybe spinster aunt, or foster mom, or crazy pediatric nurse who stole her as a newborn, but biological mom? Not so much. Anyways, she’s carrying an inflatable Santa and wants help blowing it up. Cue Crazy Harry. “Did somebody say ‘blow up’?” BOOM! The jokes are a laugh a minute.
Claire invites Gonzo and pals over for Christmas dinner, much to Jenna’s dismay. Luckily, for her, Gonzo can’t since they are all going away on vacation. Claire whines at this breaking news. Jenna gives a pensive look, probably wondering how she can get rid of this KJ (killjoy). Claire and Gonzo air kiss goodbye, cause toolish behavior can never start too early.
Jenna assures her they’ll have fun cause they’ll be together. They go back inside to blow up Jenna’s bed buddy, the inflatable Santa.
Gonzo chooses not to wait to get home to take off his backpack and notices some letters still inside. Ooh, I hope none of them is Clai…oops. Fozzie finally gets another line. Seriously, do they hate him? I haven’t even heard one “wocka” yet.
Sure enough, the post office is closed when they get there. The plot twists never cease. Who wrote this, Shyamalan. Fozzie wonders what the kids wished for and suggest taking a look-see. Knowing what happens during the next 40 minutes, I think it would have saved us some time. Cue Sam the Eagle with this important public service announcement: “Opening mail that doesn’t belong to you is a federal offense. You could go to prison.” I’m sure the kids that are watching this in the visitor’s room at Folsom State Prison appreciate the shout out.
Fozzie acknowledges that Sam is right and that by doing what (Uncle) Sam says he won’t be put on the naughty list. Way to shove the Patriot Act in to the faces of the poor innocent audience, guys. It’s Christmas Eve, what’s a whatever the F Gonzo’s supposed to be to do?
Kermit thinks there’s got to be a better way to deliver those Letters to Santa. Get it? Pepe, ever the incredulous one, laughs at him. Maybe they should email him at jollyfatmanicompletelymadeup.coms. LOL, Pepe. I was at first offended by your thick accent, thicker gold chain and mispronunciation of common everyday words, but your sarcasm and obvious dislike of those around you has warmed my tiny black heart.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew pops out of his and Beaker’s love shack and agrees! He nerd talks some shit about Santa not being able to set up a wireless network. But don’t fret, Muppets, Bunsen’s lab has come up with a gizmo that will grant wishes for you…The Wishgranter 3000!. Beaker comes out to demonstrate. Bunsen explains that all one has to do is wish for something with all your heart and the wish will come true. Head nods of approval all around. Beaker wish is a hot chick who talks the language of “Mi, Mi Mi Mi”, the language of love. Beaker refuses to wish her back to where she came from so they both poof out of there taking the Wishgranter with them. Go ‘head, Beaker! Get yours!
We’re back to square one. Claire was counting on him. He can’t tell her. Without consulting anyone else, Kermit says they’ll do everything they can to help. Scooter didn’t have any letters to mail but has time to help and suggests looking for someone that can help them. He’s obviously a results man. Piggy emerges from her lair and says Kermit and her will look at a luxury spa in the Caribbean. That’s where I would start. Kermit can’t leave because helping Claire and the children and doing what’s “right” are more important. Piggy responds by slamming the door in her face.
On a random rooftop, The Gang (minus Piggy) go to see about a delivery service Gonzo says is their only hope, UPS, the United Pigeon Service. After some ethnic comedy from the pigeon family that runs UPS, we are treated to…more ethnic comedy.
Pepe and Rizzo go to Il Stereotype Ristorante to see some guys who can help this letter problem business go away. Pepe, dressed for the occasion in a stylish black suit with a red handkerchief, tells Rizzo to stay put. He’ll handle this alone.
Paulie Walnuts and Bobby Bacala greet Pepe with a hard stare. Pepe says “Don Fra Diavolo sends his regards.” Heh. The goodfellas have goodnews. They made a few calls, heard some things and made offers that couldn’t be refused. They also found a guy who can deliver the letters to the North Pole. Pepe wonders if his shells are being busted. They may launder money, kill heads of rival families, but they wouldn’t joke about that. But Pepe better not tell anyone they helped him. Rizzo pops up and reassures them that they won’t tell. Hey! They don’t talk to no rat! “Rule no. 1: Never trust a rat.” They kick out our homies and bust out the requisite “sleep with the fishes” threat. Enough of that nonsense, time to eat. What looks like a pizza with whole fishes on top of it is placed on the table. The Swedish Chef, sporting a fake black ‘stache explains that it’s “sweddie pizzie”. Yawn. They should just make this the Pepe and Rizzo show and put the lame jokes out of their misery.
Scooter has started a website for suggestions on how to deliver the Letters to Santa. Why not start a website where Santa can read the letters? THAT is a solution, Scooter. No hits yet. Cue Animal breaking the laptop with a baseball bat. It’s their first hit. Wocka, wocka.
We open on a handwritten Christmas letter. The voice over instructs us: “You better write your letter now and mail it right away, because he’s getting ready his reindeer and his sleigh.” Do kids these days still believe in Santa? I would think most kids would be so hopped up on Ritalin to even know what day of the week it was.
Fade to a little ethnic girl writing a letter to Santa at her desk. What a cute room. Must be nice to have so many matching pieces of furniture. Rich little bitch.
During the opening credits we are treated to “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” by the Crystals. Christmas songs would be a lot bearable if they were this sassy.
Christmas in New York. Radio City Music Hall, Rockefeller Plaza, random post office. A mail truck pulls up with a large bag o’ mail. The Rats, wearing cute little antler hats and sweaters sing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. The lead rat, Yolanda, is wearing a sweater very similar to the one I wore yesterday. A detail which I’m sure will pay out handsomely.
The Gang - Kermit, Piggy, Gonzo, Camila the Chicken, Fozzie, Rizzo the Rat and Pepe the King Prawn (whose work I’m unfamiliar with) - all wait in line, holding letters. Piggy looks good, as always. I think the blunt bangs and pearls are a nice contrast between naughty and nice. I hope no Muppets were harmed in the making of that fur-trimmed coat, though.
It’s a crisp, clear Christmas Eve. Kermit was hoping it would be a white Christmas. Piggy reminds him that they will be having one on “the white sand beaches of the Caribbean”. The line isn’t moving and Piggy is not happy about having to wait. Um, welcome to the local post office, honey. Piggy’s got it like that so she wants to talk to Mayor Bloomberg. And there he is right in front of them.
Piggy demands that Mayor Bloomberg take her to the front of the line. The Mayor tells her it would be rude and that the one thing New Yorkers are known for is for being polite. HYPERLINK "http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/2779683/New-Yorkers-are-neurotic-and-unfriendly-says-Cambridge-University-personality-map.html"Neurotic and unfriendly, but polite.
Kermit is happy for the long wait in line because it lets them spend time with their homies, for, you see, this will be their first Christmas apart. Piggy wonders if the line is even moving. Cue the first musical number of the show and for the line to start moving!
The song is about time, the end of the year or some shit. The Gang moves the song inside. “Give it up to the folks in grey…” All sense of realism is thrown out the window when all the postal workers are seen doing their job in a friendly and efficient manner. Also, what post office has three white people working at the front counter? And what the hell is wrong with their faces? Why are they showing all of their teeth like that? Is that a…smile?
“Always cheerful in the ways they serve us…” Man, it’s like a surreal nightmare.
Sweetums lugs a bag of mail and sings “Snow nor sleet nor frozen feet will cause this gang to fail”. No, but isn’t serving the public with a bitch-face attitude the same thing?
More singing.
Hey, it’s Jesse L. Martin, star of Broadway’s Rent and TV’s Law & Order! He’s playing one of these freak show happy postal workers and grabs the mail bin from Sweetums that has LETTERS TO SANTA stenciled on it. Liz Lemon will want to have a talk with that bin.
More singing by that tall drink of hot chocolate, Jesse L. Martin. Yum. We move behind the scenes where all the real action at the post office takes place. Apparently, the action in question is singing and not so intricate choreography. The behind the scenes goings-on of the post office look like so much fun!
More singing and joy. Muppets and humans sorting mail together in perfect harmony. The Gang checks out all the holiday fun. Pepe asks “What kind of post office is this?’
Jesse waves them over and recruits our Muppet friends to do the job my tax money is paying him to do. Gonzo finds a letter to Santa. Pepe asks if they’re yanking his chain. He doesn‘t think Santa will read the Letters to Santa. He and Rizzo are not believers.
Jesse pleasantly sings for them to hurry up. Hey pal, they’re helping you out. More choreography which includes some awkward poplocking by Kermit.
“We made the world a promise. There’s nothing we won’t do.. We’re here to make your Xmas wish come true…” “I got a wish for ya. Stop singing and get me outta here!” Oh Piggy, thou art diva.
Gonzo finds a lever that has the speeds SLOW, MEDIUM, FAST, TOO FAST, DON’T EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING THIS! The choice is obvious. Chaos ensues. In the madness, Kermit screams “This post office is quite postal!” I don’t think murderous rage is something to joke about, Kermit.
In the mail sorting frenzy, Kermit’s scarf gets stuck in the conveyor belt that leads into a hole in the wall. The sign above says “NORTH POLE OR BUST!!”. One by one they all follow Kermit on the belt that takes them through a vent above the room and winds up spitting them out in a bin on the other side. My question, why the conveyor belt? Why not just drop the letters in the bin. Is this the kind of inefficiency that’s plaguing our postal system and raising stamp prices?
Kermit’s offer to help clean up gets them stuffed in mail bag and thrown onto the steps of a fabulous New York brownstone. They’re greeted by everyone’s favorite married gay couple, Statler and Waldorf, who are chillin at the window sill like it was the hottest day of the year in Bed-Stuy.
On his way to his apartment, Gonzo is accosted by the little girl from the opening credits. Audience meet Claire. She wants to know if Gonzo mailed her letter. Too good to mail your own damn letter, Claire? She overacts relief when he said he did.
Who should walk out of Claire’s apartment but Jenna from 30 Rock! It’s not made clear, but I think the show wants us to believe that Jenna is playing the role of Claire’s mom. Hmmm, I ain’t buying it. Maybe spinster aunt, or foster mom, or crazy pediatric nurse who stole her as a newborn, but biological mom? Not so much. Anyways, she’s carrying an inflatable Santa and wants help blowing it up. Cue Crazy Harry. “Did somebody say ‘blow up’?” BOOM! The jokes are a laugh a minute.
Claire invites Gonzo and pals over for Christmas dinner, much to Jenna’s dismay. Luckily, for her, Gonzo can’t since they are all going away on vacation. Claire whines at this breaking news. Jenna gives a pensive look, probably wondering how she can get rid of this KJ (killjoy). Claire and Gonzo air kiss goodbye, cause toolish behavior can never start too early.
Jenna assures her they’ll have fun cause they’ll be together. They go back inside to blow up Jenna’s bed buddy, the inflatable Santa.
Gonzo chooses not to wait to get home to take off his backpack and notices some letters still inside. Ooh, I hope none of them is Clai…oops. Fozzie finally gets another line. Seriously, do they hate him? I haven’t even heard one “wocka” yet.
Sure enough, the post office is closed when they get there. The plot twists never cease. Who wrote this, Shyamalan. Fozzie wonders what the kids wished for and suggest taking a look-see. Knowing what happens during the next 40 minutes, I think it would have saved us some time. Cue Sam the Eagle with this important public service announcement: “Opening mail that doesn’t belong to you is a federal offense. You could go to prison.” I’m sure the kids that are watching this in the visitor’s room at Folsom State Prison appreciate the shout out.
Fozzie acknowledges that Sam is right and that by doing what (Uncle) Sam says he won’t be put on the naughty list. Way to shove the Patriot Act in to the faces of the poor innocent audience, guys. It’s Christmas Eve, what’s a whatever the F Gonzo’s supposed to be to do?
Kermit thinks there’s got to be a better way to deliver those Letters to Santa. Get it? Pepe, ever the incredulous one, laughs at him. Maybe they should email him at jollyfatmanicompletelymadeup.coms. LOL, Pepe. I was at first offended by your thick accent, thicker gold chain and mispronunciation of common everyday words, but your sarcasm and obvious dislike of those around you has warmed my tiny black heart.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew pops out of his and Beaker’s love shack and agrees! He nerd talks some shit about Santa not being able to set up a wireless network. But don’t fret, Muppets, Bunsen’s lab has come up with a gizmo that will grant wishes for you…The Wishgranter 3000!. Beaker comes out to demonstrate. Bunsen explains that all one has to do is wish for something with all your heart and the wish will come true. Head nods of approval all around. Beaker wish is a hot chick who talks the language of “Mi, Mi Mi Mi”, the language of love. Beaker refuses to wish her back to where she came from so they both poof out of there taking the Wishgranter with them. Go ‘head, Beaker! Get yours!
We’re back to square one. Claire was counting on him. He can’t tell her. Without consulting anyone else, Kermit says they’ll do everything they can to help. Scooter didn’t have any letters to mail but has time to help and suggests looking for someone that can help them. He’s obviously a results man. Piggy emerges from her lair and says Kermit and her will look at a luxury spa in the Caribbean. That’s where I would start. Kermit can’t leave because helping Claire and the children and doing what’s “right” are more important. Piggy responds by slamming the door in her face.
On a random rooftop, The Gang (minus Piggy) go to see about a delivery service Gonzo says is their only hope, UPS, the United Pigeon Service. After some ethnic comedy from the pigeon family that runs UPS, we are treated to…more ethnic comedy.
Pepe and Rizzo go to Il Stereotype Ristorante to see some guys who can help this letter problem business go away. Pepe, dressed for the occasion in a stylish black suit with a red handkerchief, tells Rizzo to stay put. He’ll handle this alone.
Paulie Walnuts and Bobby Bacala greet Pepe with a hard stare. Pepe says “Don Fra Diavolo sends his regards.” Heh. The goodfellas have goodnews. They made a few calls, heard some things and made offers that couldn’t be refused. They also found a guy who can deliver the letters to the North Pole. Pepe wonders if his shells are being busted. They may launder money, kill heads of rival families, but they wouldn’t joke about that. But Pepe better not tell anyone they helped him. Rizzo pops up and reassures them that they won’t tell. Hey! They don’t talk to no rat! “Rule no. 1: Never trust a rat.” They kick out our homies and bust out the requisite “sleep with the fishes” threat. Enough of that nonsense, time to eat. What looks like a pizza with whole fishes on top of it is placed on the table. The Swedish Chef, sporting a fake black ‘stache explains that it’s “sweddie pizzie”. Yawn. They should just make this the Pepe and Rizzo show and put the lame jokes out of their misery.
Scooter has started a website for suggestions on how to deliver the Letters to Santa. Why not start a website where Santa can read the letters? THAT is a solution, Scooter. No hits yet. Cue Animal breaking the laptop with a baseball bat. It’s their first hit. Wocka, wocka.