flipit
01-03-2009, 12:58 PM
CSI: Miami - To Kill a Predator
When Flipit sent the news that I was moving on to the next round, I was super duper excited. That is, until I read the next assignment – recap CSI: Miami. UGH – are you freaking kidding me? – kill me now. I can’t stand David Caruso – he is such a crap actor!!
Anyway – on to the show!!!
We open with ominous music playing over shots of what I’m assuming is Miami’s cityscape. Obviously we are about to witness a crime. As the music grows more menacing, a guy in a suit carrying his briefcase gets out of his car. He is having a heated discussion with someone on his cell. Whatever will happen to him? A car comes from out of nowhere barreling toward him and runs him down. The car hovers over his dead body, revving before screeching off, making sure to drive over his body one more time.
Cut to the police and Horatio Caine on the scene. Our victim is Sean Radley, a partner in the law firm next door to the parking lot. Horatio Baine (of my existence) wants to know Mr. Radley’s specialty. The detective (Frank) replies that it is civil litigation, small time stuff, apparently - he thinks the killer may be a disgruntled client. Baine states that there is a lot of anger in the attack. Oh Jesus Freaking Christ – Caruso is delivering this line in profile – WHY???? Is it so we can see he still has his girlish figure? UGH. And why does he feel the need to growl out every line? Someone get him a cough drop for fuck’s sake. Frank theorizes that who ever did this must be pretty cold. “Not pretty cold, Frank,” growls Baine. “Cold-blooded.”
And credits. Excuse me while I go barf.
Back from commercials, we are still at the crime scene. Baine is examining the victim’s briefcase with a flashlight. In broad daylight. As you do. There’s some kind of impression in the leather, but Baine can’t make it out. Frank tells him that Radley was talking on his cell at the time of the incident, and Baine wants to know Whooooo was he taalking too? I want to know where-air can I buy a gun? Seriously –Shatner is fucking Olivier compared to this guy.
Calleigh arrives on the scene and is beckoned over to the body by the coroner, Alexx. Seriously. Her name is spelled with a double x. Barf. Anyway, the point of impact was at the knee and Radley was hit so hard that part of his femur is jutting out. He has what looks like oil staining his clothing. Because it’s above the fracture and the leg bone is as sharp as a knife, they deduce that the bone must have punctured something underneath the car causing it to leak. We get to see a little video of said bone cutting said car thingy and spraying shit everywhere. So the car they are looking for will be leaking. I know you couldn’t figure that out on your own – don’t feel bad, neither could I.
Back at the station, Frank and Delko are questioning the young lady Radley was talking to when he was hit turns out she’s his assistant. She thought he just dropped the phone, she didn’t realize he was run over. Um ohhhkay – what I didn’t realize was that dropping a phone and getting run over sound almost identical. I’ll have to keep that in mind for future reference. After some nifty questioning and staring across the table, we find out that the assistant and Radley had a fling, and she was calling him to talk about it. Apparently she wasn’t his type. I’ll give you a hint – if she had a little sister SHE would be his type - oops!! Spoiler. Lucky for us, the assistant is also a stalker who likes to synch her PDA with his, you know, so they always have the same information, so she is able to tell the police that his new love interest’s name is Tiffany.
Back at the lab Calleigh reveals to Ryan (and his fetching eyeliner) that what they had thought was oil was actually bio-diesel. He states, “It’s nice to know our killer cares about the environment.”
Back to Baine. We get a montage of him working on the briefcase, and viola! He has uncovered the impression – it is a partial license plate. With that information and the tidbit about bio-diesel fuel, Ryan is able to quickly narrow down the search to a rental company. Baine growls out: “Whooo [pause] rented the car?” Who indeed?
Turns out to be the victim’s wife – gasp!! Cut Bring that bitch in for questioning! He tells the wife that her rental car is the instrument of her husband’s death. She replies that she was home all morning with her kids, just ask them. She asks Baine, “Why would I want to kill my husband?” Uh, because he was a disgusting perv maybe? Baine says because hubby was cheating on her. She suspected, but wasn’t sure, blahbitty blah blah blah. THEN she tells him the rental was stolen from her, and no, she hadn’t gotten around to reporting it yet, what with her husband dying and all. She asks him, “Without that car, you can’t hold me here, can you?” Baine grins, finding her question amusing, no doubt. Obviously she has never watched one of these shows. He tells her he WILL find the car. DUH.
And after a couple of shots of swooping police copters, whadda ya know? They have found the car!!!! How do they do it every time?!?!?! Wow. Calleigh is on the scene to process the car. She immediately finds a little piece of costume jewelry that may have come off during the collision. Calleigh concludes that a grown woman would probably not wear it, but the Radley’s have a 16 yr old daughter…..
Back at HQ, Ryan questions the daughter, Hannah. Hannah has determined if she opens her eyes as WIDE as possible, it will add to her innocent appearance. Stellar acting job there. She tells Ryan she doesn’t even have a permit, so how could she drive the car? Uh, is she for real? I mean, seriously. She’s a teenager for fuck’s sake. Ryan shows her a photo of the jewelry they recovered, and when she reaches out for the photo, she has little jewels on her nails, AND happens to be missing on from one of her fingers, BUT hers are totally different, ya know? Hannah then switches gears and decides to play the divorce card, more back and forth, and her dad was her hero, and before you know it, she is being let go.
A call comes in. There is another body, shot at a nearby café. Cut to Baine on the scene. In struts Natalia. In a freaking WHITE SUIT. Seriously? I know you want to look good, but why the hell would anyone show up to a crime scene – a SHOOTING, no less, in a fucking white suit?!?! I hope she gets bloodstains all over it. GOD.
Baine the constipated notices some green glass under the db. It didn’t come from the restaurant, so someone had to have brought it in. NO OUTSIDE FOOD ALLOWED!!!! As Natalia kneels (hopefully in plenty of blood) to start to process the scene, she realizes that she’s seen the guy before. How fortunate!! He was on a show called “Predators Among Us”. He was one of those internet predators who were caught on the show trying to meet some girl named Tiffany. “Did you say Tiffany?” growls Baine. Eureka!! Commercial.
Back from commercial, we rejoin the crime scene. The lack of any evidence on the balcony leads Natalia to conclude that the shooter had an accomplice to clean up after him. Or her. One last pan up the body and we leave to join the gang in the lab having a viewing party of the predator show – I’ll bring the Milk Duds!! We see the dead dude get busted on the show. The dude gives the host his Real Name – ok, I’m having a little bit of a hard time buying that, why wouldn’t he make up a name, why would he give his real name knowing that this is going to end up on TV????? Why not send engraved invitations out to your neighbors to come lynch you? Dumbass. So now they have identified the vic. So simple really. In the process of rewinding the tape to read Tony’s (the gunshot victim’s) nasty chat exchanges with Tiffany, they discover that Sean Radley was also busted on the show. Color me shocked!!!
Let’s head over to the television studio, shall we? Once there Ryan and Delko meet Heather, the host of “Predators Among Us”. She offers to introduce the guys to Tiffany. Aaaaannndd Tiffany is some dude named Lou, a decoy posing as an underage girl. Sounds vaguely familiar. I wonder if they know Chris Hansen? Lou pulls up the saved logs from Tiffany’s chats with Tony. Tony apparently used song lyrics to woo her – “I know what girls like” and “you can drive my car” - how original. Another perv pirated into their chat telling Sexyback, aka Tony to back off Tiffany “Stay away from her. If you mess with her, I’ll mess with you”. Of course, Lou is able to extract the guy’s IP address and before you know it, he has the guy’s name. Kevin Weaver.
Let’s go meet Mr. Weaver, shall we? It just so happens that Frank is pulling Weaver over on his motorcycle. Hey! It’s the dude Steve Martin’s daughter marries in Father of the Bride!!! Bryan MacKenzie! Turns out he has a gun in his bag, so he is cuffed and brought in for questioning.
As Baine and Frank are questioning Weaver, he admits to telling Tony to back off of Tiffany. But he insists it was to make sure she keeps her innocence. “I didn’t kill anyone.” “I guess we’ll see.” intones Baine.
Down in the coroner’s office, Alexx is rooting around in the dead body trying to recover a bullet. When she does, it turns out to be a .243 from a hunting rifle, not the .38 that Weaver had on him when he got pulled over. Oh Darn it. It’s not like he could have another gun or anything, right? I mean, I guess now you have to let him go. Calleigh has apparently drawn the short straw, and gets to break the news to the red-headed douchebag.
Back in the lab, Natalia is staring real hard at the pieces of broken glass from the shooting. Fortunately for us, she has been able to “Frankenstein” together a partial, which she just happens to finish as Delko comes in – how convenient and totally believable. She runs the partial, and lo and behold, she has a match. Someone named TJ Pratt, who looks to be another predator. Remind me to never move to Miami.
After some beautiful aerial shots of Miami, we are treated to a crap load of close up shots of women in bikinis. Way to remind me that I need to go on a diet, show. It is here that we meet TJ, texting while he is supposed to be lifeguarding. Don’t worry, though, no one has ever drowned on his watch. How comforting. Sure, maybe they’ve choked a little, but drowned? Absolutely not. Delko want to know if anyone has ever been shot. TJ doesn’t understand the question, so Calleigh tells him about Tony’s shooting and the fact that they know he was there. “How do you know that?” TJ asks, not at all suspiciously. They tell him about his fingerprints, and ask him what happened. Apparently he was trying to get Tony to go to a meeting with him, and Tony was too busy ogling schoolgirls to go. In the scuffle, the bottle got broken and TJ left. Calleigh asks if it is a meeting for pedophiles, and TJ takes offense at the word – they are not pedophiles!!!! They are just normal guys looking for affection from the wrong age women. Ohhhh, thanks for clearing that up for me TJ. Delko shares my disgust, spitting out “You mean, children”. You say potato, TJ says Potahto. Calleigh asks to see his PDA, and coincidentally an illicit chat is going on RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND!!!!!! The timing on this show is uncanny. At first they think it is TJ chatting, but soon they realize it’s someone else. There’s a real girl in real trouble. Better get to the park to help!!!!!!! But will they make it in time? I’m on the edge of my seat. And then, praise the Lord, we go to a commercial.
Are we REALLY only at the halfway point?!? I don’t know if I am going to make it. My brain feels like it’s going to explode. ARGH!!!!!
When we return from my sanity break, we are at the park with Delko as Baine saunters up. I wonder if something will happen now that he has arrived? After a little misdirection with a girl who turns out to be with her mom and dad, Baine notices someone standing in the park looking suspicious. It is none other than Mr. Kevin Weaver. Dun Dun Duh! Weaver just happens to notice Baine at the same time, and he’s off running, but Delko tackles him to the ground, and it would seem that we have our man. But things could never be so simple on this stupid show. Weaver says he is only there to warn the girl away from the chat rooms. Unsurprisingly, they have a hard time believing this story. But it turns out he is telling the truth. It seems that his 13 year old daughter Cassie met a guy online who turned out to be a 35 year old man. She was killed by him. He’s compiled a binder to show the girls he meets up, trying to scare them straight. OK – I have a question here – if the case was in the newspapers, evidenced by the clippings in the binder, then why don’t the police recognize him at all? Wouldn’t they at least know the name if the case was that publicized? Anyway, Baine wants to know if Weaver is killing the pervs. Weaver doesn’t care about those men; he only wants to protect the girls from making the same mistake that Cassie did.
Back at the lab. Delko and Ryan are going over the car. Again. It would appear that once Calleigh found the costume jewelry, they stopped processing the car. Because why search the ENTIRE car for evidence? Just come back to it later, you know, when you get nothing from the first piece you find. As luck would have it, they happen upon a contact lens that presumably flew out of the driver’s eye upon impact. Alrighty then. Natalia is also busy at work, getting DNA off a hat left behind at the park – presumably the girl was scared off by the scuffle with Delko and Weaver. What do you know? She gets a DNA hit. You are NEVER going to guess who the girl is. HANNAH RADLEY. Oh my god, I know, I was floored by this revelation. I never in a million years saw that one coming. Ryan and Baine go to her house to question her. Again. You gotta love teenagers, because it turns out that everyone in her school made sure she saw the show where her dad was busted. Nice. And now it turns out that she has the other contact lens. Way to go, brainiac. Why wouldn’t she throw the other lens away? What a fuckwit. Anyway, she confesses to killing her dad. But before she is taken away, she tells them about some girl Mallory who has given a guy online her address. Who will get to Mallory first, the predator, or Baine?
A hand is knocking on what I assume is Mallory’s door. Phew, it’s Baine. I was worried there for a nanosecond. Once inside, he can see she is alone. No biggie, says she, her parents are gone all the time, she’s like fourteen, and she can take care of herself. Baine tells her he knows she has male visitor on the way over. So? It’s her house – she’s safe there. I was going to go off on a tirade here, but I seriously cannot joke about this situation, knowing that it happens so much more than we even want to think about. Baine sets up a sting, growling, “Mallory, I need your help.” Outside her house a shiny red pickup pulls up. We see the guy’s legs getting out of the truck, and he is carrying a four pack of wine coolers. I am thinking it is that fucking lifeguard TJ. And……Commercial.
We’re back and we’re right around the 50 minute mark, so things are going to start wrapping up quickly. Back at the office, Natalia is told that they have found the guy who cleaned up after the shooter. Turns out the dude is not an accomplice, rather he stole the casing so he could sell it on Ebay. He figured he could make a mint. You figured wrong, dimwit. Stealing evidence from a murder scene is frowned upon, and now he’ll need the shooter to corroborate his story. They quickly find a print on the casing and match it back to….Sean Radley! – the hit and run victim. But how could he shoot anyone? He was already dead? They bring in the wife. Who forgot to wipe the bullets clean, leading them back to her. Wow, this household is full of Mensa candidates. Ultimately she confesses to killing Tony in order to lead the investigation away from her daughter. “A good mother will do anything to protect her child.” And that murder is wrapped up in a neat little bow.
Our final (THANK YOU JESUS) scene of the evening is back at Mallory’s house. The last dickhead pedophile of the evening follows her in to her house and is revealed to be…..LOU!!!! The “Predators Among Us” decoy. Well played, show. I didn’t see that one coming. Baine is PISSED y’all. Lou knows he’s busted, but he attempts to play it off. “I saw some activity in the chat room, thought I’d come out here and make sure Mallory was alright.” Baine isn’t buying it. Bringing wine coolers over kind of tells a different story there, buddy. You’d think he’d know better, working for a show that catches guys like him. He then switches to the brilliant tactic of “she wanted me”. Well, since you put it that way – have fun, you crazy kids!! “You are supposed to be protecting these girls,” Baine growls out. He then asks Mallory to wait outside. Baine puts his sunglasses on the table, and removes his watch. “You are. Resisting. Arrest.” Lou stammers out that he is NOT resisting arrest. “Not yet. Let’s see how long that lasts.” And for the first time ever, I might actually like Baine. I never thought I’d see the day. We fade to black before the beating commences.
Another case closed. Another lawsuit begins.
I really, for the life of me cannot comprehend HOW this show is still on. Caruso must be sleeping with someone, or pimping out his costars. It makes no sense at all. ESPECIALLY given the really good and well written shows that get cancelled every year. Who the fuck is watching this show and keeping it on the air? I need to have a little chat with them. But I’ll need to remove my watch and sunglasses first.
When Flipit sent the news that I was moving on to the next round, I was super duper excited. That is, until I read the next assignment – recap CSI: Miami. UGH – are you freaking kidding me? – kill me now. I can’t stand David Caruso – he is such a crap actor!!
Anyway – on to the show!!!
We open with ominous music playing over shots of what I’m assuming is Miami’s cityscape. Obviously we are about to witness a crime. As the music grows more menacing, a guy in a suit carrying his briefcase gets out of his car. He is having a heated discussion with someone on his cell. Whatever will happen to him? A car comes from out of nowhere barreling toward him and runs him down. The car hovers over his dead body, revving before screeching off, making sure to drive over his body one more time.
Cut to the police and Horatio Caine on the scene. Our victim is Sean Radley, a partner in the law firm next door to the parking lot. Horatio Baine (of my existence) wants to know Mr. Radley’s specialty. The detective (Frank) replies that it is civil litigation, small time stuff, apparently - he thinks the killer may be a disgruntled client. Baine states that there is a lot of anger in the attack. Oh Jesus Freaking Christ – Caruso is delivering this line in profile – WHY???? Is it so we can see he still has his girlish figure? UGH. And why does he feel the need to growl out every line? Someone get him a cough drop for fuck’s sake. Frank theorizes that who ever did this must be pretty cold. “Not pretty cold, Frank,” growls Baine. “Cold-blooded.”
And credits. Excuse me while I go barf.
Back from commercials, we are still at the crime scene. Baine is examining the victim’s briefcase with a flashlight. In broad daylight. As you do. There’s some kind of impression in the leather, but Baine can’t make it out. Frank tells him that Radley was talking on his cell at the time of the incident, and Baine wants to know Whooooo was he taalking too? I want to know where-air can I buy a gun? Seriously –Shatner is fucking Olivier compared to this guy.
Calleigh arrives on the scene and is beckoned over to the body by the coroner, Alexx. Seriously. Her name is spelled with a double x. Barf. Anyway, the point of impact was at the knee and Radley was hit so hard that part of his femur is jutting out. He has what looks like oil staining his clothing. Because it’s above the fracture and the leg bone is as sharp as a knife, they deduce that the bone must have punctured something underneath the car causing it to leak. We get to see a little video of said bone cutting said car thingy and spraying shit everywhere. So the car they are looking for will be leaking. I know you couldn’t figure that out on your own – don’t feel bad, neither could I.
Back at the station, Frank and Delko are questioning the young lady Radley was talking to when he was hit turns out she’s his assistant. She thought he just dropped the phone, she didn’t realize he was run over. Um ohhhkay – what I didn’t realize was that dropping a phone and getting run over sound almost identical. I’ll have to keep that in mind for future reference. After some nifty questioning and staring across the table, we find out that the assistant and Radley had a fling, and she was calling him to talk about it. Apparently she wasn’t his type. I’ll give you a hint – if she had a little sister SHE would be his type - oops!! Spoiler. Lucky for us, the assistant is also a stalker who likes to synch her PDA with his, you know, so they always have the same information, so she is able to tell the police that his new love interest’s name is Tiffany.
Back at the lab Calleigh reveals to Ryan (and his fetching eyeliner) that what they had thought was oil was actually bio-diesel. He states, “It’s nice to know our killer cares about the environment.”
Back to Baine. We get a montage of him working on the briefcase, and viola! He has uncovered the impression – it is a partial license plate. With that information and the tidbit about bio-diesel fuel, Ryan is able to quickly narrow down the search to a rental company. Baine growls out: “Whooo [pause] rented the car?” Who indeed?
Turns out to be the victim’s wife – gasp!! Cut Bring that bitch in for questioning! He tells the wife that her rental car is the instrument of her husband’s death. She replies that she was home all morning with her kids, just ask them. She asks Baine, “Why would I want to kill my husband?” Uh, because he was a disgusting perv maybe? Baine says because hubby was cheating on her. She suspected, but wasn’t sure, blahbitty blah blah blah. THEN she tells him the rental was stolen from her, and no, she hadn’t gotten around to reporting it yet, what with her husband dying and all. She asks him, “Without that car, you can’t hold me here, can you?” Baine grins, finding her question amusing, no doubt. Obviously she has never watched one of these shows. He tells her he WILL find the car. DUH.
And after a couple of shots of swooping police copters, whadda ya know? They have found the car!!!! How do they do it every time?!?!?! Wow. Calleigh is on the scene to process the car. She immediately finds a little piece of costume jewelry that may have come off during the collision. Calleigh concludes that a grown woman would probably not wear it, but the Radley’s have a 16 yr old daughter…..
Back at HQ, Ryan questions the daughter, Hannah. Hannah has determined if she opens her eyes as WIDE as possible, it will add to her innocent appearance. Stellar acting job there. She tells Ryan she doesn’t even have a permit, so how could she drive the car? Uh, is she for real? I mean, seriously. She’s a teenager for fuck’s sake. Ryan shows her a photo of the jewelry they recovered, and when she reaches out for the photo, she has little jewels on her nails, AND happens to be missing on from one of her fingers, BUT hers are totally different, ya know? Hannah then switches gears and decides to play the divorce card, more back and forth, and her dad was her hero, and before you know it, she is being let go.
A call comes in. There is another body, shot at a nearby café. Cut to Baine on the scene. In struts Natalia. In a freaking WHITE SUIT. Seriously? I know you want to look good, but why the hell would anyone show up to a crime scene – a SHOOTING, no less, in a fucking white suit?!?! I hope she gets bloodstains all over it. GOD.
Baine the constipated notices some green glass under the db. It didn’t come from the restaurant, so someone had to have brought it in. NO OUTSIDE FOOD ALLOWED!!!! As Natalia kneels (hopefully in plenty of blood) to start to process the scene, she realizes that she’s seen the guy before. How fortunate!! He was on a show called “Predators Among Us”. He was one of those internet predators who were caught on the show trying to meet some girl named Tiffany. “Did you say Tiffany?” growls Baine. Eureka!! Commercial.
Back from commercial, we rejoin the crime scene. The lack of any evidence on the balcony leads Natalia to conclude that the shooter had an accomplice to clean up after him. Or her. One last pan up the body and we leave to join the gang in the lab having a viewing party of the predator show – I’ll bring the Milk Duds!! We see the dead dude get busted on the show. The dude gives the host his Real Name – ok, I’m having a little bit of a hard time buying that, why wouldn’t he make up a name, why would he give his real name knowing that this is going to end up on TV????? Why not send engraved invitations out to your neighbors to come lynch you? Dumbass. So now they have identified the vic. So simple really. In the process of rewinding the tape to read Tony’s (the gunshot victim’s) nasty chat exchanges with Tiffany, they discover that Sean Radley was also busted on the show. Color me shocked!!!
Let’s head over to the television studio, shall we? Once there Ryan and Delko meet Heather, the host of “Predators Among Us”. She offers to introduce the guys to Tiffany. Aaaaannndd Tiffany is some dude named Lou, a decoy posing as an underage girl. Sounds vaguely familiar. I wonder if they know Chris Hansen? Lou pulls up the saved logs from Tiffany’s chats with Tony. Tony apparently used song lyrics to woo her – “I know what girls like” and “you can drive my car” - how original. Another perv pirated into their chat telling Sexyback, aka Tony to back off Tiffany “Stay away from her. If you mess with her, I’ll mess with you”. Of course, Lou is able to extract the guy’s IP address and before you know it, he has the guy’s name. Kevin Weaver.
Let’s go meet Mr. Weaver, shall we? It just so happens that Frank is pulling Weaver over on his motorcycle. Hey! It’s the dude Steve Martin’s daughter marries in Father of the Bride!!! Bryan MacKenzie! Turns out he has a gun in his bag, so he is cuffed and brought in for questioning.
As Baine and Frank are questioning Weaver, he admits to telling Tony to back off of Tiffany. But he insists it was to make sure she keeps her innocence. “I didn’t kill anyone.” “I guess we’ll see.” intones Baine.
Down in the coroner’s office, Alexx is rooting around in the dead body trying to recover a bullet. When she does, it turns out to be a .243 from a hunting rifle, not the .38 that Weaver had on him when he got pulled over. Oh Darn it. It’s not like he could have another gun or anything, right? I mean, I guess now you have to let him go. Calleigh has apparently drawn the short straw, and gets to break the news to the red-headed douchebag.
Back in the lab, Natalia is staring real hard at the pieces of broken glass from the shooting. Fortunately for us, she has been able to “Frankenstein” together a partial, which she just happens to finish as Delko comes in – how convenient and totally believable. She runs the partial, and lo and behold, she has a match. Someone named TJ Pratt, who looks to be another predator. Remind me to never move to Miami.
After some beautiful aerial shots of Miami, we are treated to a crap load of close up shots of women in bikinis. Way to remind me that I need to go on a diet, show. It is here that we meet TJ, texting while he is supposed to be lifeguarding. Don’t worry, though, no one has ever drowned on his watch. How comforting. Sure, maybe they’ve choked a little, but drowned? Absolutely not. Delko want to know if anyone has ever been shot. TJ doesn’t understand the question, so Calleigh tells him about Tony’s shooting and the fact that they know he was there. “How do you know that?” TJ asks, not at all suspiciously. They tell him about his fingerprints, and ask him what happened. Apparently he was trying to get Tony to go to a meeting with him, and Tony was too busy ogling schoolgirls to go. In the scuffle, the bottle got broken and TJ left. Calleigh asks if it is a meeting for pedophiles, and TJ takes offense at the word – they are not pedophiles!!!! They are just normal guys looking for affection from the wrong age women. Ohhhh, thanks for clearing that up for me TJ. Delko shares my disgust, spitting out “You mean, children”. You say potato, TJ says Potahto. Calleigh asks to see his PDA, and coincidentally an illicit chat is going on RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND!!!!!! The timing on this show is uncanny. At first they think it is TJ chatting, but soon they realize it’s someone else. There’s a real girl in real trouble. Better get to the park to help!!!!!!! But will they make it in time? I’m on the edge of my seat. And then, praise the Lord, we go to a commercial.
Are we REALLY only at the halfway point?!? I don’t know if I am going to make it. My brain feels like it’s going to explode. ARGH!!!!!
When we return from my sanity break, we are at the park with Delko as Baine saunters up. I wonder if something will happen now that he has arrived? After a little misdirection with a girl who turns out to be with her mom and dad, Baine notices someone standing in the park looking suspicious. It is none other than Mr. Kevin Weaver. Dun Dun Duh! Weaver just happens to notice Baine at the same time, and he’s off running, but Delko tackles him to the ground, and it would seem that we have our man. But things could never be so simple on this stupid show. Weaver says he is only there to warn the girl away from the chat rooms. Unsurprisingly, they have a hard time believing this story. But it turns out he is telling the truth. It seems that his 13 year old daughter Cassie met a guy online who turned out to be a 35 year old man. She was killed by him. He’s compiled a binder to show the girls he meets up, trying to scare them straight. OK – I have a question here – if the case was in the newspapers, evidenced by the clippings in the binder, then why don’t the police recognize him at all? Wouldn’t they at least know the name if the case was that publicized? Anyway, Baine wants to know if Weaver is killing the pervs. Weaver doesn’t care about those men; he only wants to protect the girls from making the same mistake that Cassie did.
Back at the lab. Delko and Ryan are going over the car. Again. It would appear that once Calleigh found the costume jewelry, they stopped processing the car. Because why search the ENTIRE car for evidence? Just come back to it later, you know, when you get nothing from the first piece you find. As luck would have it, they happen upon a contact lens that presumably flew out of the driver’s eye upon impact. Alrighty then. Natalia is also busy at work, getting DNA off a hat left behind at the park – presumably the girl was scared off by the scuffle with Delko and Weaver. What do you know? She gets a DNA hit. You are NEVER going to guess who the girl is. HANNAH RADLEY. Oh my god, I know, I was floored by this revelation. I never in a million years saw that one coming. Ryan and Baine go to her house to question her. Again. You gotta love teenagers, because it turns out that everyone in her school made sure she saw the show where her dad was busted. Nice. And now it turns out that she has the other contact lens. Way to go, brainiac. Why wouldn’t she throw the other lens away? What a fuckwit. Anyway, she confesses to killing her dad. But before she is taken away, she tells them about some girl Mallory who has given a guy online her address. Who will get to Mallory first, the predator, or Baine?
A hand is knocking on what I assume is Mallory’s door. Phew, it’s Baine. I was worried there for a nanosecond. Once inside, he can see she is alone. No biggie, says she, her parents are gone all the time, she’s like fourteen, and she can take care of herself. Baine tells her he knows she has male visitor on the way over. So? It’s her house – she’s safe there. I was going to go off on a tirade here, but I seriously cannot joke about this situation, knowing that it happens so much more than we even want to think about. Baine sets up a sting, growling, “Mallory, I need your help.” Outside her house a shiny red pickup pulls up. We see the guy’s legs getting out of the truck, and he is carrying a four pack of wine coolers. I am thinking it is that fucking lifeguard TJ. And……Commercial.
We’re back and we’re right around the 50 minute mark, so things are going to start wrapping up quickly. Back at the office, Natalia is told that they have found the guy who cleaned up after the shooter. Turns out the dude is not an accomplice, rather he stole the casing so he could sell it on Ebay. He figured he could make a mint. You figured wrong, dimwit. Stealing evidence from a murder scene is frowned upon, and now he’ll need the shooter to corroborate his story. They quickly find a print on the casing and match it back to….Sean Radley! – the hit and run victim. But how could he shoot anyone? He was already dead? They bring in the wife. Who forgot to wipe the bullets clean, leading them back to her. Wow, this household is full of Mensa candidates. Ultimately she confesses to killing Tony in order to lead the investigation away from her daughter. “A good mother will do anything to protect her child.” And that murder is wrapped up in a neat little bow.
Our final (THANK YOU JESUS) scene of the evening is back at Mallory’s house. The last dickhead pedophile of the evening follows her in to her house and is revealed to be…..LOU!!!! The “Predators Among Us” decoy. Well played, show. I didn’t see that one coming. Baine is PISSED y’all. Lou knows he’s busted, but he attempts to play it off. “I saw some activity in the chat room, thought I’d come out here and make sure Mallory was alright.” Baine isn’t buying it. Bringing wine coolers over kind of tells a different story there, buddy. You’d think he’d know better, working for a show that catches guys like him. He then switches to the brilliant tactic of “she wanted me”. Well, since you put it that way – have fun, you crazy kids!! “You are supposed to be protecting these girls,” Baine growls out. He then asks Mallory to wait outside. Baine puts his sunglasses on the table, and removes his watch. “You are. Resisting. Arrest.” Lou stammers out that he is NOT resisting arrest. “Not yet. Let’s see how long that lasts.” And for the first time ever, I might actually like Baine. I never thought I’d see the day. We fade to black before the beating commences.
Another case closed. Another lawsuit begins.
I really, for the life of me cannot comprehend HOW this show is still on. Caruso must be sleeping with someone, or pimping out his costars. It makes no sense at all. ESPECIALLY given the really good and well written shows that get cancelled every year. Who the fuck is watching this show and keeping it on the air? I need to have a little chat with them. But I’ll need to remove my watch and sunglasses first.