flipit
01-03-2009, 12:01 PM
A typical opening of CSI: Miami, panning a few of the high rises and other architectural structures of the city, beautiful but pretentious and tacky, like most of this small part of Miami. When are they going to open up this show with a pan of some of REAL Miami? Where are the crack whores? Miami’s got them 100 to 1 against the smoking hot chicks in bikinis. Better yet, maybe the show should open with a nice pretty shot of some of the many pockets of illegal aliens who live in the area but can’t find work and can’t afford to feed their huge and still growing families. Just a thought. Anyway…
The scene opens with a man parking his car in an outdoor parking garage during the day. He is on his phone having an argument, he is a suit, and he is also clearly a tool. This does not justify the black car that speeds from the other end of the parking garage to run him down. I wouldn’t think so anyway, I would think his crime would have to be a little more severe than being a tool suit to get run down like that. At this point, a good deal of time was dedicated to focusing on the smoking car. The lights are smoking, the hood, areas of cars that don’t usually emit gases are emitting, it’s just seething. This car was pissed. Could’ve wrapped this one up and rolled credits by just deducing that it was actually the car that did it, ala Christine style, but then we couldn’t have an hour of David Caruso’s charm and camera “walk-off’s”, when Horatio hits us with some cheesy one liner and then storms off to solve the case, far too quick for us or the high tech cameras to keep up with him. We get our first just moments into the show as they identify the “vic” as a lawyer and determine that whoever did this to him must have been angry. Frank says, “Pretty cold,” and Horatio corrects him by saying “Not cold, Frank, but cold blooded,” and then he’s off!
Kelly arrives on the scene and asks cheerily, “So, is this our hit and run victim?” No Kelly, it’s the other guy in the lot covered in blood with his femur sticking out, genius. They figure out that his super sharp bones punctured something when he was run over, so their car, wherever it is, should be leaking. Horatio is hard at work at an imprint left on a briefcase.
The unstoppable crew found the person at the other end of that last phone call quick as can be, it’s his secretary, a woman who admits to have had an affair with him within moments of being pressed. In her defense, its only an hour long show, we have to move this thing along. She’s recently felt snubbed since the dead guy found his true love in a chat room, some girl named Tiffany, where everyone finds true love. She gives said info to our boys.
The car was running on soybeans, which is a nice green touch, and they get a partial print off the briefcase of the license plate, which is very convenient, and you’ll never believe who rented this car? It’s the dead guy’s wife. She seems sketchy and uncomfortable, and it would seem that she is lying to the police about her alibi, but it could be really bad acting, so it’s hard to say.
They find the car, Kelly finds a little jewel that could go on a fingernail, maybe, so they drag in the dead guy’s daughter because she’s sixteen and might wear something like that. What do you know, she is wearing those very designs on her nails and is missing one of them, but they, and I quote here, “can’t put her in that car.” Really? I’d say that the nail jewelry just did put her in that car. She too seems shaken and weird and sketchy, but her dad is dead and it is really bad acting so it’s hard to say.
We’ve got another shooting, so its time for a Horatio walk off and there’s no time for clever quips here. Down at the scene, Horatio realizes the murders are related, he’s got two dead pedophiles on his hands, and that little Tiff is not his typical Miami whore, but whore in training, because she’s a little girl. Both of the dead guys were featured on some expose show called Predators Among Us and exposed as pedophiles, so now the crew thinks they may have a vigilante on their hands. In spite of a vigilante who murders pedophile’s benefits, the case continues.
The real Tiffany is met at the set of the expose show, a pert little Asian guy named Lou who operates to find these creeps in internet chat rooms and then traps them on the show. He’s such a hot twelve year old girl that all the perverts are fighting over him. They get the IP address of one such degenerate; he may have been pissed enough to shoot the other.
Frank pulls over the pissed off internet perv who’s on a motorcycle and who happens to have a gun in a saddlebag. He’s weird and sad and his eye make-up sucks. He seems the vigilante type. He’s babbling about keeping the innocent pure and claims to have killed no one. Whatever. The bullet from the shooting victim didn’t match the gun of the Weirdo on the bike.
Another pedophile enters the scene from a partial print pulled from glass found under the second dead guy. There’s a lot of pedophile’s to keep up with on this episode! Jeez! This one is special though. This one is recovering. The whole reason he was talking to the dead guy was to reason with him not to touch children anymore. He goes to meetings. He cruises chat rooms on his PDA to watch for trouble. That’s how the guys get tipped off that there’s trouble brewing in the park. A tryst is set between some middle aged guy and some pre-pubescent girl and its getting crashed.
Horatio runs down the same weirdo on a bike. It turns out his daughter was killed from cruising internet chat rooms, all because he bought her a laptop. He now spends his free time cruising the same chat rooms to warn young girls to stay out of them. He was just trying to meet some girl named gypsygirl to warn her. End sub plot.
Wolf goes back to further inspect the car and a colored contact lens is found perfectly wedged in the car’s immaculate console. How a contact lens could have landed this way is a miracle in itself. How the crew overlooked this is also baffling, but then we couldn’t have gone on the pervert goose chase for an hour. They run the DNA through a few databases and find a match, announcing, “you’re never going to believe who the match is.” It’s the dead guys daughter. I believe it. I believed it 45 minutes ago when 9 of her fingernails were bedazzled and the 10th was on the console. Why can’t they believe it?
They confront the dead guy’s daughter; fool left her contact’s out on the counter for the cops. I guess she didn’t notice that she was missing a piece of plastic out of her eye. So she’s done for. She also happens to be gypsygirl, another faker in the chat rooms out to get perverts. She happens to know about some dirty and bad stuff going down at a fourteen year old named Mallory’s house right then, she gives up the address she so happens to have. Horatio is off. So what about the dead guy in the restaurant? Well, it’s the first dead guy’s wife. She killed him in an effort to create a vigilante to take the focus off her daughter. Nice try. So it wasn’t her crappy acting. She was guilty.
Horatio goes to this fourteen year old’s house to set up a sting that will catch the next and thank Christ last pedophile on the loose for this hour. Mallory lets the guy in who offers her some cliché wine coolers, which is so gross on so many levels, to meet Horatio standing in the kitchen. It’s Lou, aka Tiffany, in a last minute twist, who attempts to defend his position of being a pervert and even gets a little bit cocky to a very tired looking Horatio, who asks the teenager to wait outside. If you’ll recall, these two never met even though they’re acting like they did, but who needs cohesion this late in the episode, let’s just get it over with already. Horatio accuses him of resisting arrest and a confused Lou/Tiffany denies it. Horatio insists that no really, you are, which is really just his way of implying that he is going to beat the ever loving shit out of this guy, which we, the audience will not get to see because with one more venomous glare from an angry Horatio, the credits are rolled. It would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if the car had done it.
The scene opens with a man parking his car in an outdoor parking garage during the day. He is on his phone having an argument, he is a suit, and he is also clearly a tool. This does not justify the black car that speeds from the other end of the parking garage to run him down. I wouldn’t think so anyway, I would think his crime would have to be a little more severe than being a tool suit to get run down like that. At this point, a good deal of time was dedicated to focusing on the smoking car. The lights are smoking, the hood, areas of cars that don’t usually emit gases are emitting, it’s just seething. This car was pissed. Could’ve wrapped this one up and rolled credits by just deducing that it was actually the car that did it, ala Christine style, but then we couldn’t have an hour of David Caruso’s charm and camera “walk-off’s”, when Horatio hits us with some cheesy one liner and then storms off to solve the case, far too quick for us or the high tech cameras to keep up with him. We get our first just moments into the show as they identify the “vic” as a lawyer and determine that whoever did this to him must have been angry. Frank says, “Pretty cold,” and Horatio corrects him by saying “Not cold, Frank, but cold blooded,” and then he’s off!
Kelly arrives on the scene and asks cheerily, “So, is this our hit and run victim?” No Kelly, it’s the other guy in the lot covered in blood with his femur sticking out, genius. They figure out that his super sharp bones punctured something when he was run over, so their car, wherever it is, should be leaking. Horatio is hard at work at an imprint left on a briefcase.
The unstoppable crew found the person at the other end of that last phone call quick as can be, it’s his secretary, a woman who admits to have had an affair with him within moments of being pressed. In her defense, its only an hour long show, we have to move this thing along. She’s recently felt snubbed since the dead guy found his true love in a chat room, some girl named Tiffany, where everyone finds true love. She gives said info to our boys.
The car was running on soybeans, which is a nice green touch, and they get a partial print off the briefcase of the license plate, which is very convenient, and you’ll never believe who rented this car? It’s the dead guy’s wife. She seems sketchy and uncomfortable, and it would seem that she is lying to the police about her alibi, but it could be really bad acting, so it’s hard to say.
They find the car, Kelly finds a little jewel that could go on a fingernail, maybe, so they drag in the dead guy’s daughter because she’s sixteen and might wear something like that. What do you know, she is wearing those very designs on her nails and is missing one of them, but they, and I quote here, “can’t put her in that car.” Really? I’d say that the nail jewelry just did put her in that car. She too seems shaken and weird and sketchy, but her dad is dead and it is really bad acting so it’s hard to say.
We’ve got another shooting, so its time for a Horatio walk off and there’s no time for clever quips here. Down at the scene, Horatio realizes the murders are related, he’s got two dead pedophiles on his hands, and that little Tiff is not his typical Miami whore, but whore in training, because she’s a little girl. Both of the dead guys were featured on some expose show called Predators Among Us and exposed as pedophiles, so now the crew thinks they may have a vigilante on their hands. In spite of a vigilante who murders pedophile’s benefits, the case continues.
The real Tiffany is met at the set of the expose show, a pert little Asian guy named Lou who operates to find these creeps in internet chat rooms and then traps them on the show. He’s such a hot twelve year old girl that all the perverts are fighting over him. They get the IP address of one such degenerate; he may have been pissed enough to shoot the other.
Frank pulls over the pissed off internet perv who’s on a motorcycle and who happens to have a gun in a saddlebag. He’s weird and sad and his eye make-up sucks. He seems the vigilante type. He’s babbling about keeping the innocent pure and claims to have killed no one. Whatever. The bullet from the shooting victim didn’t match the gun of the Weirdo on the bike.
Another pedophile enters the scene from a partial print pulled from glass found under the second dead guy. There’s a lot of pedophile’s to keep up with on this episode! Jeez! This one is special though. This one is recovering. The whole reason he was talking to the dead guy was to reason with him not to touch children anymore. He goes to meetings. He cruises chat rooms on his PDA to watch for trouble. That’s how the guys get tipped off that there’s trouble brewing in the park. A tryst is set between some middle aged guy and some pre-pubescent girl and its getting crashed.
Horatio runs down the same weirdo on a bike. It turns out his daughter was killed from cruising internet chat rooms, all because he bought her a laptop. He now spends his free time cruising the same chat rooms to warn young girls to stay out of them. He was just trying to meet some girl named gypsygirl to warn her. End sub plot.
Wolf goes back to further inspect the car and a colored contact lens is found perfectly wedged in the car’s immaculate console. How a contact lens could have landed this way is a miracle in itself. How the crew overlooked this is also baffling, but then we couldn’t have gone on the pervert goose chase for an hour. They run the DNA through a few databases and find a match, announcing, “you’re never going to believe who the match is.” It’s the dead guys daughter. I believe it. I believed it 45 minutes ago when 9 of her fingernails were bedazzled and the 10th was on the console. Why can’t they believe it?
They confront the dead guy’s daughter; fool left her contact’s out on the counter for the cops. I guess she didn’t notice that she was missing a piece of plastic out of her eye. So she’s done for. She also happens to be gypsygirl, another faker in the chat rooms out to get perverts. She happens to know about some dirty and bad stuff going down at a fourteen year old named Mallory’s house right then, she gives up the address she so happens to have. Horatio is off. So what about the dead guy in the restaurant? Well, it’s the first dead guy’s wife. She killed him in an effort to create a vigilante to take the focus off her daughter. Nice try. So it wasn’t her crappy acting. She was guilty.
Horatio goes to this fourteen year old’s house to set up a sting that will catch the next and thank Christ last pedophile on the loose for this hour. Mallory lets the guy in who offers her some cliché wine coolers, which is so gross on so many levels, to meet Horatio standing in the kitchen. It’s Lou, aka Tiffany, in a last minute twist, who attempts to defend his position of being a pervert and even gets a little bit cocky to a very tired looking Horatio, who asks the teenager to wait outside. If you’ll recall, these two never met even though they’re acting like they did, but who needs cohesion this late in the episode, let’s just get it over with already. Horatio accuses him of resisting arrest and a confused Lou/Tiffany denies it. Horatio insists that no really, you are, which is really just his way of implying that he is going to beat the ever loving shit out of this guy, which we, the audience will not get to see because with one more venomous glare from an angry Horatio, the credits are rolled. It would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if the car had done it.