PDA

View Full Version : Auditiongasm Summer 09 -90210 #2


flipit
05-27-2009, 06:32 AM
WALK LIKE AN EQYPTIAN
Tuesday’s 90210 finale was an excellent cap-off to a solid season. I guess. In the interest of full disclosure, I never technically, you know, watched the show before now, but with the help of a Wikipedia season plot summary I swear you’ll never know the difference.
This episode is titled “One Party Can Ruin Your Whole Summer” and the CW trailers have been promising us that “they’ve been living on the edge, and now it’s time to pay the price.” Intrigue! If this party is as devastating as the title claims, I bet most of the characters will horrifically be grounded to their Beverly Hills mansions for their indiscretions. But only time will tell. After a brief recap of the season (Fighting! Pregnancy! Prom! Shannon Doherty!), we get our first look at what would prove to be the theme of the evening, and indeed the show: attractive people partying.
The episode begins with sisters Naomi and Jen. Naomi feels the need to describe to Jen how her boyfriend Liam’s dad ran out when Liam was younger and how his mom was a maid who married her rich boss. Apparently the billionaire didn’t treat his mom very well, which Naomi calls the root of Liam’s “trust issues.” Jen, like the rest of us, is confused as to why Naomi would share this with her and continues to apply make-up without really paying attention. OR IS SHE? Naomi is excited that she is making such progress with Liam.
The two are interrupted by friend Phoebe, who claims that she is having a total emergency. In true 90210 fashion, this “emergency” turns out to be the loss of their party spot. Kind of pales next to the daddy abandonment subplot, Phoebs. Jen is still in earshot and so Phoebe quickly 86’s the party-talk, but Naomi assures her that she isn’t a grown-up. She further says that she’d be happy to have the party at her house, but not-a-grown-up Jen interjects. She says the last thing she wants is high-schoolers “spilling beer on the furniture and vomiting wine coolers on the rugs.” Oddly specific, and giving me the uncomfortable realization that I may have been at a party with Jen at some point in my own high-school career.
Naomi reminds Jen that she pays the rent and so the furniture is really hers, and she wants to party, damnit. She even invites Jen (to the party in their own house), but Jen still looks pissed. She bitchily tells Naomi that she doesn’t want to do this, but is equally-as-bitchily ignored. I’m sure it’s all good, and Jen will just let this silly little fight go and not RUIN LIVES, right?
Naomi proceeds to invite the cool kids to her after-prom party. Phoebe reminds Naomi that Annie (whom she calls “Benedict Annie,” and frankly I’m giving any vapid Beverly Hills teenager big points for a founding fathers pun) is responsible for squealing on the first party and should not be invited, but Naomi defends her. The girls passive-aggressively compliment Annie until Naomi receives a text that Ade has gone into labor. She begs Annie to take over the party (bad choice, Naomi! BENEDICT ANNIE!), which Annie agrees to do.
Outside, the guys are trying to find their limo, noting that they all look the same. Limousine racists. After receiving the news about Ade’s labor and the party at Naomi’s, they conclude that their limo was “stolen” (???) and they all pile into Duncan’s “white stallion,” an odd mix of limo, pick-up truck, and sailboat. Along the way, Silver tries to get Dixon to get more excited about his prom king win, but he reminds mopey because he thinks she thinks it’s stupid. Way to go Dixon, nothing extends a relationship like anger at what you assume your girlfriend is thinking. They also let Annie ride with them, after Phoebe is sufficiently mean to her. Hey, I bet Annie was the one that stole their first limo! BENEDICT ANNIE!
Stuck in traffic, Naomi starts making out with Liam, a really safe driving practice. He proceeds to tell her how he “barely exchanged five words” with his therapist, but he feels great telling Naomi everything. She awkwardly jokes about him giving her $500 (it’s either psychologist humor or a sexual proposition) and they kiss some more, still in the middle of, you know, TRAFFIC. Just because we need a little bit of dramatic irony, he reminds her that his life story was private, and he doesn’t want her to share it with anyone. The music swells dramatically as Naomi agrees, fairly comfortable that Jen wasn’t paying attention earlier OR WAS SHE?
Over at the hospital, a stereotypically apathetic nurse chats on the phone with a friend, ignoring Navid’s attempts to get his girlfriend, the already-birthing Ade, some assistance. Wait, when did he find the time to send all these texts about the labor? I feel like alerting medical professionals comes BEFORE texting your friends when it comes to any childbirth. The nurse sees his black eye and, assuming (not incorrectly) that he’s just some dumb kid who got in a fight, she gets all up in his grill and yells that she’ll get to him when she gets to him! Oh snap! The Navid v. Random Nurse fight is sadly cut short when she takes note of the actual baby thing, and they take Ade in.
Main credits. Hey, it’s the high school from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! I totally visited there and got thrown out by a suspicious janitorial staff, true story.
90210 shows us the hilariously lame “Post Prom-A-Palooza,” a lame event which they want us to know is lame. This is apparent by the glee club performance, presence of losers that did not warrant an invite to Naomi’s, chaperones, and a “Make Your Own Fundae” bar. Hey now, 90210. Mock the glee club all you want, but I’d take unlimited ice cream over hobnobbing with spoiled Beverly Hills kids any day. As a side-note, did anyone’s proms actually have a “post prom” event? At mine they did everything they could to get us to leave early, or ideally not even show up. In any case, they also show the unpopular kids playing Wii Tennis, which leads me to believe that Nintendo and the CW had a bit of a falling out.
Parent/chaperone Harry chats with Kelly until his wife Debbie (Aunt Rebecca! Ok, like I said, I had never seen the show before, and I was just really excited that she was still working, because I thought she just disappeared after the Full House era. Also, I’m disappointed that Jessica Walter wasn’t around in this episode because I’m a huge Arrested Development fan, but that’s neither here nor there) pops over and drags him away. Kelly tells them that she has just received a text about Ade’s labor, and the three of them rush out. Can chaperones just leave like that? Sort of ironic that they’re going to visit a teen parent.
Giant party montage at Naomi’s. These 90210 kids are proving what party animals they are by…gasp! Spilling pretzels on the floor! Annie is cleaning them up because of her promise to Naomi when Jen stomps on her fingers for no good reason and tells her to clean faster. Interesting management style.
Elsewhere at the party, Dixon is crying to Ethan about how much work his girlfriend Silver is. Again, relationships are tricky in that whole “requiring attention” department. He laments that he doesn’t have a “regular girlfriend” who will love dances, watch him play lacrosse, and not feel bad about consumerism. Ideally she would knit sweaters and decline to vote also, just to make his idealization of gender roles complete. Ethan praises Silver’s spirit, attitude, and life force, which are incidentally three really bad qualities to list in a personal ad. He urges Dixon to stay with her and work harder. Dixon wins over the female audience by acknowledging that he misses her even across the room, and leaves to be with her. Ethan pulls a picture out of his pocket. It’s of Silver! He gazes at it longingly! Don’t worry Ethan, with Dixon’s completely solid grasp on how relationships work I’m sure this will all turn out fine.
At the hospital, the adults show up to be with Ade. Harry reveals he stole some of the brownies from Prom and shares them with Debbie. It is here that the astute television watcher acknowledges that 1.) the brownies are drugged, or 2.) Betty Crocker cut a REALLY good deal with the producers. Meanwhile, Ade is freaking out as she goes into labor. She protests that it’s too soon and she is three weeks early, but Navid assures her that she’ll be fine. But suddenly the doctors announce that the both the baby’s heart rate and the show’s drama are dropping! She will need…a C-section! I can’t tell you how badly I want that bitchy nurse to perform it. “Just some kid with a low heart-rate, huh? I’LL GET TO YOU WHEN I GET TO YOU!”
Annie wanders around the backyard, horrified at the mess the hardcore drinkers are making. Welcome to the show, Annie.
In the quickest dramatic turnaround ever, Ade is done! A baby girl! But she refuses to see it, despite Navid’s own cuddling of the child. Both look disturbed as Navid leaves with the baby and Annie stares into space.
Our suspicions are confirmed when Harry and Debbie become stoned out of their minds, a side-effect of the drugged brownies. Who has the extra weed laying around that they can bake into brownies and then just leave sitting on the prom table? You don’t waste valuable mj like that. I, uh, heard it from a friend. In the extremely nice waiting room, Harry and Debbie struggle with where their kids Annie and Dixon might be, and also determine that they are, in fact, baked.
More partying. Dixon is DJing, and Silver decides to ask Ethan what he thinks of them as a couple. Ethan proves to be a genuinely nice guy by putting his own feelings aside and acknowledging that they make a good couple, and the fundamental differences that Silver feels are not as important as she thinks. There’s some talk about Dixon as royalty which

flipit
05-27-2009, 06:33 AM
(con't)

I can’t really say for sure is meant to be funny or serious, much as I can’t say whether most parts of this show are meant to be funny or serious. Silver thanks Ethan for what she says she needed to hear, then gives him a heartbreaking hug. Ethan then notices that he and Dixon somehow switched jackets. When did this happen? Do these two habitually take off their clothes together? Maybe it’s the fundamental differences between Dixon and Ethan that aren’t as important as we think, if you catch my drift. Nervous because he knows his jacket has the picture of Silver, he switches back with Dixon. It proves to be extremely drama-free.
Harry and Debbie have a humorous scene where they are trying to decide how to find their kids. They whisper for no reason and make a list for no reason, and by the time Kelly shows up I’m mad that 90210 has given me something a genuinely found funny. She determines that they are stoned and offers to go fetch the two some snacks for their munchies, but not before awkwardly placing her hand on Harry. Debbie notices, and is NOT happy. You’ve got Aunt Rebecca now, bitch!
Annie discovers Phoebe puking (wine coolers?) in the bathroom. Phoebe advances her slander of Annie and loses points in the witty-pun department by referring to her as “Annie the Rat,” then reluctantly agrees to allow Annie drive her home. You’ve been living on the edge and now it’s time to pay the price, Phoebe! An awkward car ride!
Speaking of paying the price, Jen runs into Liam and introduces herself as Naomi’s neighbor Zelda. Great alias, Jen, are you sure you wouldn’t rather be Art Vandelay? In the most disproportionate response ever, Jen decides to get even with Naomi for throwing this party (which thus far has really only suffered the horrors of the overturned pretzel bowl) and begins by talking to Liam about his mom doing her boss. After hearing that Naomi had been telling other people this story, Liam gets pissed and he passionately tells Jen that Naomi is NOT his girlfriend. So there! Jen continues to appall us by blatantly propositioning Liam, who then begins to head inside with her. Wow, I’m beginning to see why people like this show. It’s mean and petty and I can’t look away.
Brenda visits Ade in the hospital, dressed as Cleopatra. She says that she is back from China early and just dropped in for a visit. Ade is excited because she also played Cleopatra. The two talk about how alike they are, both loving drama and living dramatic lives. They decide they can go for a walk, cause nobody’s going to stop Shannon Doherty, and wind up in the cafeteria where they learn that they both love Jell-O. OMG, they’re like besties now. Nothing like a midnight hospital stroll to bring Cleopatras together. One of the rooms is holding Brenda’s father, whom she reveals is dying. Ade urges her to say goodbye, thereby also convincing herself to say goodbye to her baby. Brenda then calls for her dragon (I was as confused as you) and disappears, and Ade wakes up to learn it was all a dream. We 90210 viewers are not so lucky. No, it was a joke! We all love this stuff. Now-awake Ade (and in more ways than one, might I add—nice metaphor, writers!) goes to visit her baby. She holds her and cries and it’s as touching as an episode of 90210 can get.
Dixon confronts Ethan. It turns out he DID see the pic of Silver! He also notices that Ethan is checking her out right now, too. Ethan denies it, saying he was looking at something else, his contact was acting up, the sun was in his eyes, he wasn’t wearing the right shoes, it’s his first time in America, etc. Dixon continues to press by asking him to admit his feelings. Silver, sensing the worst possible time she could show up anywhere, arrives and asks the two to join the rich kids ruining their prom clothes and go swimming. Dixon tells Ethan to man up and just admit his feelings, continuing to prod Ethan into making a scene. Ethan explodes that yes, he does like Silver, and then storms away, leaving a stunned Silver and an idiotic Dixon. What they hell did you expect to happen, Dixon? Ethan was playing it cool and you were a big idiot about this.
Navid tells Naomi to head back to the party, because Liam should be done with her sister by now. His rival Ty shows up and, in an unexpected gesture, offers the new (kind-of, not biological, or really even legal anymore) father a cigar. The two share a moment of mutual respect, and I’m sure in no time they’ll be wandering Bestie Hall with Ade and ghost Brenda.
Debbie laughs about suspecting Kelly of hitting on Harry. She attributes it to the pot and tells Kelly it was nothing, but Kelly still looks troubled. Hmmmm, live on the edge, pay the price, Kel!
Naomi goes looking for Liam and finds him in one of the bedrooms, putting his clothes back on after a bout of revenge sex. He’s smug and she’s hurt, and he won’t tell who he slept with. Naomi finds a black wrap on the floor and, after banishing him from her life, she rushes downstairs. Jen reenters the room and laughs about her stupid sister, who had the gall to THROW A PARTY without her ok. Good thing she stole her boyfriend, or Naomi never would have learned. Liam is shocked to learn that Jen is Naomi’s sister, and is angry that she used him. Hypocrisy levels reach critical. He definitely just thought that she was some random chick he could sleep with, and now he’s mad at her? Jen laughs it off because she has no soul, says something condescending about high school boys, and acknowledges that she is, in fact, a bitch.
Naomi, thinking it was BENEDICT ANNIE that stole her man because of the cleverly planted wrap, leers at her over the stairs and demands answers. Annie’s alibi (driving Phoebe home) is deemed impossible by Naomi and she yells for Annie to stop lying, silencing the whole party. Annie begs her to stop, but Naomi says she is not as innocent as she looks and then the catty floodgates open. The popular kids begin to hurl insults at our innocent Annie: “She ratted out the party!” “No one wants her here!” “She was the reason the original 90210 was canceled!” “She controls the weather!” “Burn the witch!” Someone pours a drink on her head, Evel Dick style, and Naomi puts the finishing touches on the onslaught by labeling Annie a “Kansas skank.” These are harsh words, and ones I plan to fit into my vocabulary starting immediately.
Annie rushes out of the house muttering insanely to herself (and let me just say it was here that I was praying for her to pull a Carrie and take care of this house of rich and pretty) and begins to fumble in her purse for something (please please please let it be a handgun). Instead, she removes a cell phone and calls the police to report underage drinking at Naomi’s house. I just hope to God she warned them about the pretzel spillage, also. Then, in one final act of defiance and desire to inebriate, she grabs a bottle of alcohol and marches down the street.
Ade sees Brenda again at the hospital, but this time it is not a dream. Brenda reminds Ade of how great adoption is and how much the new parents are looking forward to it, then reveals that she herself adopted a baby in China. What was wrong with the one right in front of you, Brenda? I would feel really hurt if I were Ade.
Silver runs down Ethan. She reinforces that she just wants to be friends, but then they kiss passionately and she gets really into it. WTF? I usually get punched in the face when I try to kiss a girl who wants to be friends. It could be my lack of good looks, money, and charm. Or, it could be totally her fault! Yeah, I’m going with that.
Naomi is sobbing in JEN’S arms! BLEAHHH! Jen strokes her hair, and then in case Naomi hasn’t had the worst day of her life they hear the sirens of the alerted police. You don’t want to mess with BENEDICT ANNIE.
New parents Greg and Leslie show up and Ade hands over the baby, which is a really touching/heartbreaking scene I don’t think I have nearly the emotional experience to mock. But I can certainly try: the new parents clearly have no desire to hang around with Ade, and once they get their kid they split as fast as possible, ignoring Ade’s sobs. Brenda and Navid comfort her.
Liam is lying in his bed, mostly naked because CW knows their demographic. He is leaving a message on Naomi’s phone because he wants to talk to her (surprisingly, sleeping around failed to establish communication) when suddenly these huge guys break into his room and tell him he is going to a “wilderness therapy program.” Wow, that definitely sucks. And really, his parents couldn’t find any better time to tell him, or even to have large men jump him, than randomly in the middle of the night?
Annie is crying and driving, and she keeps looking at her bottle of alcohol to indicate that she’s drunk. Suddenly, she hits something! Hearing another car approach, she quickly drives away and we see a large dark shape that I’m sure is already being analyzed on the internet. The second car stops in front of the body/animal/debris and we see that they have a WBHH sticker! And then the producers go all Lost on us and flash 90210!
Very exciting finale! Did Annie kill someone? Are we basically done with Liam forever? Can you think of anyone you’d rather see bludgeoned to death with a sack of doorknobs than Jen? This has been 90210, and I hope you enjoyed the recap.

reckless_saturn_11
06-04-2009, 06:25 PM
Has the potentially to be a good recapper, but does too much recapping of the show and not enough jokes/snark. Not enough funny, too much plot. But does a great job of the covering and explaining the ins and outs of the episode. Not ready to write this recapper off. Would like to see more from them.