flipit
09-03-2009, 10:46 AM
Hey tvgasmers, it’s The Chozen here to give you your recap of that lovely little reality television show Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami – Hangover Helpers (a.k.a Best Sisters in da World!)
Disclaimer: Just to let you know I previously vowed to never ever watch this show in my life, but hey it’s auditiongasm, what are you gonna do? Seriously though I thank God this show was only 30 minutes long, there is only so much Kardashian I can take. By the way how did these celebutauntes become famous? Okay anyway here it goes…. (groan… sigh… groan).
So this was the first time I’ve ever watched this show and yes, it did not disappoint. It was as bad as I though it would be! So the opening song to the show was about the best things about it, go figure. So we began when the lovely Kim Kardahsian decides to visit her sisters Khloe and Kourtney in Miami because she has a photo shoot the next day and of course they have to throw her a party at their fabulous penthouse. So they’re partying and throwing back drinks of course and then they begin talking about how Kim never drinks alcohol. Really? Seriously? I guess her high morals (giggle) prevent her from doing so, but sex tapes…that’s okay. Anyway the girls and the hired actors….oops I mean friends start trying to coerce her into drinking…what a great group of people, nothing like a little peer pressure, seriously are we at a frat party? So being the strong woman that Kim is she resists! Good for you girl!
We then cut to some scripted drama between Kourtney and Khloe. So Khloe and Kim out Kourtney to their actor friends and tell them that Khloe doesn’t date and she’s afraid of guys. What the? What Kardahsian girl is afraid of guys? So one of actors decides that he is cool enough to bring Kourtney out of her shell, so we find them in a corner of the room, him doing most of the talking and her saying, “yeah,” while Kim and random person are on the sofa watching them and Kim calls herself analyzing Khloe’s body language. Well who knows best about body language then the most popular Kardashian, known for her endless romances and the lovely little independent film and calendar she made. Anyway at one point in time random guy who is talking to Kourtney says that his house is a fun house and everyone comes there to hang out. A fun house, really? What does he have in his house? Crazy mirrors, twirly tunnels and clowns? Oooh maybe cotton candy! Mmmm cotton candy! So Kourtney’s just nodding her head and saying yeah, which is really code for ‘I am not into you, please leave me alone.’ Then Khloe gets on screen and says that Kourtney is stubborn. Why? Because she won’t jump all over a guy she’s not into? Yeah, I guess so then. So Khloe decides she is going to force her sister to go on a date to get over Scott (I’m guessing this is the ex BF) and I’m also guessing that plan is shot to the devil now seeing that Kourtney is currently carrying her ex BF’s spawn.
So the next morning both girls appear to be hungover from the party the night before and just lounging by the pool, you’ve got to love reality television. So Kim comes out to join them when a waiter brings the girls some mimosas – no better way to get over a hangover then to just stay in a constant state of drunkenness. And what do Kim’s pants say...lovers? Anyway (got distracted by the pants sorry), so Kim starts giving the girls a hard time about drinking, and okay I thought this was Khloe and Kourtney’s show, they need the just go ahead and call it Khloe, Kourtney and Kim. Then Khloe says that she wants Kim to drink so she can get loose as a goose……………………….okay that was just to easy – insert joke here please___________. So cut to next scene and Kim is calling mommy and crying because sisters want her to drink and she don’t wanna, and they called her a bore, but they really meant slore (slut+whore) and Kim’s mom basically confirms it.
Anyway, now we cut to Khloe’s radio station where she brings Kourtney on and basically busts her out to all three listeners of that radio show and tells them that Kourtney has a trunk full of sex toys. And the best sister in the world award goes to Khloe Kardashian! So then Khloe says she hates to date….soooooo what do you do then if you don’t date? Random hook ups? Then Khloe announces on the radio that she is going to have open auditions for guys to come and date Kourtney, then Kourtney gets fake mad and jumps up then storms out of the radio booth and into the back where she breaks into a smile and starts jumping up and down saying, “yeah, gonna get me a man!” J/K.
In the end, producers…sorry I mean Kourtney decides to do the dating game thing. So next we find tons of guys all lined up in front of the Dash store waiting for their fifteen minutes of fame while the girls are sitting inside in these awful looking chairs having the men parade in front of them like the true princesses they are. I will bet $20 that one of these guys will have their own reality television show by next summer. Hey, if New York can and Real and Chance can darn it anybody can.
So finally some footage is cut and an unimportant employee is sent into the throng of guys to pick out the cutest ones. So she brings in this Latin Lover who looks and talks like he is straight from my Spanish novella but really claims to be a model. Kourtney asks him a couple of stupid random questions, then asks to see his stomach, cause that’s what it’s all about baby! Hey, is it me or if you stare at Spanish Novella long enough doesn’t he look like Adrian Grenier from Entourage?
So we cut to next scene and the girls plus Kim and random friends go out to eat before Kim’s big photo shoot the next day. So of course they order champagne and Kim is looking bent out of shape because she doesn’t drink; finally nothing like a little peer pressure from your sisters because she sips some champagne and suddenly exclaims that it tastes like apple juice! What the heck kind of apple juice has she been drinking? So because this champagne is so darned good she orders another alcoholic drink, then another, and do we see a pattern here? So then we cut to the girls at a bar and Kim is just downing shots, then all of a sudden Khloe and Kourtney are looking all concerned. For real? You’ve been harassing your sister to drinking this whole episode and now all of a sudden you want to act like you’re from the Temperance Movement? Finally to everyone’s relief Kim is drunk and dancing on the bar and “getting’ loose as a goose” (giggle).
So now we are back at the fabulous penthouse and Kim is stinking drunk and draped across the toilet while her sisters are lovingly holding back her hair while she barfs. Then Khloe tells her that if she doesn’t throw up then she will be really sick in the morning. It takes a true alcoholic to know that. What guy wouldn’t be proud of his girl right now watching her barf in the toilet like that. I hope all of the New Orleans Saints are watching this right now.
So the next morning…hangover over time! The cameras pan in on Kim who is splayed across the bed and the sisters are trying to wake her up and oh my freaking gosh who wakes up from a barfing, laid out on the bathroom floor, drunk to death hangover looking like that? She looks freakin’ perfect. The only thing wrong with her is that her hair is slightly and attractively disheveled! Did the make-up artists come and do her up while she was passed out in her drunken stupor? Wow, nice job making drinking your brains out look so attractive Kardashian girls, bravo.
So now we return to the other story line, Kourtney and her fake date. And guess who the winner of that is…..my Spanish Novella. So Khloe sets up the date and while Kourtney is getting ready Khloe is on her soapbox complaining about how evil Kourtney is after all the work she put in – really, having random guys lift up their shirts and asking them ridiculous questions while on your princess chair, woooo a hard nine to fiver. So Spanish Novella and Kourntey go to some restaurant and for some reason Spanish Novella keeps staring into the camera. He’s a model right? Shouldn’t he know when to and when not to do this? So this is basically the most pitiful date I’ve ever seen, or maybe they just cut out a bunch of footage. But basically they eat a salad, Spanish Novella looks totally bored and uninterested half of the time and Kourtney brings up the subject of their ex’s a.k.a baby daddy. Kourntey thinks that the guy is shy, I say bored and not into her. I mean really, he is a model and he had no problem lifting up his shirt forty two times for Khloe. Shy? I don’t think so honey.
Date is over and Kourntey gets home where best sister every, Khloe, is waiting for her and commences to have a fit because Kourtney came home too early. So now this lovely date has made Kourtney realize how much she misses Scott and she whips out her phone to call him, but Khloe is like no and attacks Kourtney and tries to take the phone away from her saying she needs to get over Scott. Wait a minute….aren’t those the same lover pants Kim had on like five scenes ago…okay never mind. Anyway, so Khloe knocks Kourtney onto the couch and they are sharing some sisterly love when Khloe lifts up Kourtney’s dress and we get a great butt shot as Khloe spanks her sister. Geez, what more could you ask for from a reality television show? To pull it all together in the next scene sisters, Kim and random friends from before, go out to dinner and Kim thanks her dear sisters for holding back her hair while she barfed up her guts.
So we’ve come to the end of the show and we sum it all up with some heart felt realizations on Khloe’s part. Number one, she says she has to let Kim become a drunk on her own and number two, Kourtney must find a looser on her own – how long until she becomes preggers? Okay anyway thank God that’s over.
Disclaimer: My significant other is so not pleased about auditiongasm because he is forced to listen to my recap of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.
Love ya TVGasmers.
The Chozen
Disclaimer: Just to let you know I previously vowed to never ever watch this show in my life, but hey it’s auditiongasm, what are you gonna do? Seriously though I thank God this show was only 30 minutes long, there is only so much Kardashian I can take. By the way how did these celebutauntes become famous? Okay anyway here it goes…. (groan… sigh… groan).
So this was the first time I’ve ever watched this show and yes, it did not disappoint. It was as bad as I though it would be! So the opening song to the show was about the best things about it, go figure. So we began when the lovely Kim Kardahsian decides to visit her sisters Khloe and Kourtney in Miami because she has a photo shoot the next day and of course they have to throw her a party at their fabulous penthouse. So they’re partying and throwing back drinks of course and then they begin talking about how Kim never drinks alcohol. Really? Seriously? I guess her high morals (giggle) prevent her from doing so, but sex tapes…that’s okay. Anyway the girls and the hired actors….oops I mean friends start trying to coerce her into drinking…what a great group of people, nothing like a little peer pressure, seriously are we at a frat party? So being the strong woman that Kim is she resists! Good for you girl!
We then cut to some scripted drama between Kourtney and Khloe. So Khloe and Kim out Kourtney to their actor friends and tell them that Khloe doesn’t date and she’s afraid of guys. What the? What Kardahsian girl is afraid of guys? So one of actors decides that he is cool enough to bring Kourtney out of her shell, so we find them in a corner of the room, him doing most of the talking and her saying, “yeah,” while Kim and random person are on the sofa watching them and Kim calls herself analyzing Khloe’s body language. Well who knows best about body language then the most popular Kardashian, known for her endless romances and the lovely little independent film and calendar she made. Anyway at one point in time random guy who is talking to Kourtney says that his house is a fun house and everyone comes there to hang out. A fun house, really? What does he have in his house? Crazy mirrors, twirly tunnels and clowns? Oooh maybe cotton candy! Mmmm cotton candy! So Kourtney’s just nodding her head and saying yeah, which is really code for ‘I am not into you, please leave me alone.’ Then Khloe gets on screen and says that Kourtney is stubborn. Why? Because she won’t jump all over a guy she’s not into? Yeah, I guess so then. So Khloe decides she is going to force her sister to go on a date to get over Scott (I’m guessing this is the ex BF) and I’m also guessing that plan is shot to the devil now seeing that Kourtney is currently carrying her ex BF’s spawn.
So the next morning both girls appear to be hungover from the party the night before and just lounging by the pool, you’ve got to love reality television. So Kim comes out to join them when a waiter brings the girls some mimosas – no better way to get over a hangover then to just stay in a constant state of drunkenness. And what do Kim’s pants say...lovers? Anyway (got distracted by the pants sorry), so Kim starts giving the girls a hard time about drinking, and okay I thought this was Khloe and Kourtney’s show, they need the just go ahead and call it Khloe, Kourtney and Kim. Then Khloe says that she wants Kim to drink so she can get loose as a goose……………………….okay that was just to easy – insert joke here please___________. So cut to next scene and Kim is calling mommy and crying because sisters want her to drink and she don’t wanna, and they called her a bore, but they really meant slore (slut+whore) and Kim’s mom basically confirms it.
Anyway, now we cut to Khloe’s radio station where she brings Kourtney on and basically busts her out to all three listeners of that radio show and tells them that Kourtney has a trunk full of sex toys. And the best sister in the world award goes to Khloe Kardashian! So then Khloe says she hates to date….soooooo what do you do then if you don’t date? Random hook ups? Then Khloe announces on the radio that she is going to have open auditions for guys to come and date Kourtney, then Kourtney gets fake mad and jumps up then storms out of the radio booth and into the back where she breaks into a smile and starts jumping up and down saying, “yeah, gonna get me a man!” J/K.
In the end, producers…sorry I mean Kourtney decides to do the dating game thing. So next we find tons of guys all lined up in front of the Dash store waiting for their fifteen minutes of fame while the girls are sitting inside in these awful looking chairs having the men parade in front of them like the true princesses they are. I will bet $20 that one of these guys will have their own reality television show by next summer. Hey, if New York can and Real and Chance can darn it anybody can.
So finally some footage is cut and an unimportant employee is sent into the throng of guys to pick out the cutest ones. So she brings in this Latin Lover who looks and talks like he is straight from my Spanish novella but really claims to be a model. Kourtney asks him a couple of stupid random questions, then asks to see his stomach, cause that’s what it’s all about baby! Hey, is it me or if you stare at Spanish Novella long enough doesn’t he look like Adrian Grenier from Entourage?
So we cut to next scene and the girls plus Kim and random friends go out to eat before Kim’s big photo shoot the next day. So of course they order champagne and Kim is looking bent out of shape because she doesn’t drink; finally nothing like a little peer pressure from your sisters because she sips some champagne and suddenly exclaims that it tastes like apple juice! What the heck kind of apple juice has she been drinking? So because this champagne is so darned good she orders another alcoholic drink, then another, and do we see a pattern here? So then we cut to the girls at a bar and Kim is just downing shots, then all of a sudden Khloe and Kourtney are looking all concerned. For real? You’ve been harassing your sister to drinking this whole episode and now all of a sudden you want to act like you’re from the Temperance Movement? Finally to everyone’s relief Kim is drunk and dancing on the bar and “getting’ loose as a goose” (giggle).
So now we are back at the fabulous penthouse and Kim is stinking drunk and draped across the toilet while her sisters are lovingly holding back her hair while she barfs. Then Khloe tells her that if she doesn’t throw up then she will be really sick in the morning. It takes a true alcoholic to know that. What guy wouldn’t be proud of his girl right now watching her barf in the toilet like that. I hope all of the New Orleans Saints are watching this right now.
So the next morning…hangover over time! The cameras pan in on Kim who is splayed across the bed and the sisters are trying to wake her up and oh my freaking gosh who wakes up from a barfing, laid out on the bathroom floor, drunk to death hangover looking like that? She looks freakin’ perfect. The only thing wrong with her is that her hair is slightly and attractively disheveled! Did the make-up artists come and do her up while she was passed out in her drunken stupor? Wow, nice job making drinking your brains out look so attractive Kardashian girls, bravo.
So now we return to the other story line, Kourtney and her fake date. And guess who the winner of that is…..my Spanish Novella. So Khloe sets up the date and while Kourtney is getting ready Khloe is on her soapbox complaining about how evil Kourtney is after all the work she put in – really, having random guys lift up their shirts and asking them ridiculous questions while on your princess chair, woooo a hard nine to fiver. So Spanish Novella and Kourntey go to some restaurant and for some reason Spanish Novella keeps staring into the camera. He’s a model right? Shouldn’t he know when to and when not to do this? So this is basically the most pitiful date I’ve ever seen, or maybe they just cut out a bunch of footage. But basically they eat a salad, Spanish Novella looks totally bored and uninterested half of the time and Kourtney brings up the subject of their ex’s a.k.a baby daddy. Kourntey thinks that the guy is shy, I say bored and not into her. I mean really, he is a model and he had no problem lifting up his shirt forty two times for Khloe. Shy? I don’t think so honey.
Date is over and Kourntey gets home where best sister every, Khloe, is waiting for her and commences to have a fit because Kourtney came home too early. So now this lovely date has made Kourtney realize how much she misses Scott and she whips out her phone to call him, but Khloe is like no and attacks Kourtney and tries to take the phone away from her saying she needs to get over Scott. Wait a minute….aren’t those the same lover pants Kim had on like five scenes ago…okay never mind. Anyway, so Khloe knocks Kourtney onto the couch and they are sharing some sisterly love when Khloe lifts up Kourtney’s dress and we get a great butt shot as Khloe spanks her sister. Geez, what more could you ask for from a reality television show? To pull it all together in the next scene sisters, Kim and random friends from before, go out to dinner and Kim thanks her dear sisters for holding back her hair while she barfed up her guts.
So we’ve come to the end of the show and we sum it all up with some heart felt realizations on Khloe’s part. Number one, she says she has to let Kim become a drunk on her own and number two, Kourtney must find a looser on her own – how long until she becomes preggers? Okay anyway thank God that’s over.
Disclaimer: My significant other is so not pleased about auditiongasm because he is forced to listen to my recap of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.
Love ya TVGasmers.
The Chozen