Tell a funny story about yourself [Archive]

Karo

08-25-2006, 01:30 PM

I read a funny story Copygodd told about his screen name in another thread so I thought this might be fun. Here's mine.

Many, many years ago a first date took me to a bistro type restaurant where everyone sat together at long tables. Now this was back when I was going to a lot of bars and generally drinking bottled beers. So my date orders a bottle of wine and we're sitting across from each other talking and without thinking I pick up the bottle of wine. His jaw dropped and he said "Oh, you're not really going to do that are you?" Yes, I was about to take a swig from the wine bottle. I was mortified. But I also thought it was really funny.

All right people, it's time to embarrass yourselves!

jampony

08-25-2006, 02:42 PM

I don't know about this... TVgasm is all about making fun of other people. You'd have to have some pretty big cojones to reply to this thread with a story. I, for one, am neither genetically or emotionally equipped, but I bet there are some gasmers out there who will be. :yes:

Tabby Lavalamp

08-25-2006, 03:03 PM

So years ago I had a job at a store in a mall, and it was the day of the staff Christmas party so I was waiting outside the store on one of the seats in the mall. These seats were made of metal wires, so it was all mostly holes. Anyway, while waiting I had a newspaper with which to pass the time. While using one hand to turn the pages, I was absent-mindedly playing with the bench. That's how my fingers came to be stuck in the holes.
After some brief panic, I caught the eye of a security guard who called for maintenance. While waiting, he enjoyed telling me that they may have to put me and the bench in the back of a truck to take me to the hospital. Of course it didn't come to that, and some cold water from some displeased maintenance workers got me free.

So years ago I was heading off to another job. Even though it was within an okay walking distance, one day I figured I would take the bus anyway if it came along. Strolling along the sidewalk, I kept looking down the street to see if a bus was coming. Turn my head, look back around, walk. Turn my head, look back around, walk. Turn my head, look back around, BAM! I walked right into a power pole and clung on to it as everything turned black for a couple of moments.

So years ago I was at another mall going to meet some friends to catch a movie. As I was walking along, I was doing a bit of window shopping. A bit too much window shopping, because the next thing I know I walked right into a fountain. Splash. Splash.
I avoided eye contact as I got out, but my peripheral vision let me know that many people got some enjoyment out of it. Me, I got a new, dry pair of socks though my shoes were still wet.

HoneyBunny

08-25-2006, 03:07 PM

I don't know about this... TVgasm is all about making fun of other people. You'd have to have some pretty big cojones to reply to this thread with a story.

And then Tabby posts a story....
:lol:
Girl...you got 'em alright!

hb

Tabby Lavalamp

08-25-2006, 03:44 PM

Not just one, but three stories! I can take it as well as I can dish out. :) Besides, it was all Janelle's fault.

zoobabe

08-25-2006, 07:03 PM

here's a zoo story from today-

I was playing with one of the bonobos, just killing time and paying attention to him b/c he likes it. He put his ear up against the mesh and I was tickling it with my finger, so he was shaking his head and having a good time getting tickled. I was laughing saying to him 'Oh I'm tickling you- you're getting tickled' yada yada yada...I had to go do something else so I told him bye and he turned around and he was MASTURBATING!!! Here I thought I was just playing and tickling and he was getting off on it, Gross!:blink:

Tabby Lavalamp

08-25-2006, 07:31 PM

He's a bonobo! They're randy little buggers. :)

plethLaura

08-26-2006, 07:03 AM

OK so back in the day I used to teach swimming to very little chitlins. I'm talkin 2 and 3 years old. To get them to go underwater and open their eyes, I used to have them dive down in the shallow end and touch my feet.

So years later, I'm with my boss in the lobby of the Hyatt Regency in downtown Atlanta and the father of one of my little fishies comes up to me. He says (without a greeting or any preface) "Thanks to you my son has a foot fetish." Then he waved and walked away! :blink:

whawha

08-26-2006, 07:46 AM

TinkerbellAPixie

08-26-2006, 10:09 AM

Wait! THe guy from U2 was masturbating?! I thought he was all pious and shit!

I always get bothered when people say they laughed so hard at a TVGasm that they shot coffee out their nose or on their screen. It always seemed fake.

However, I just now laughed ice cold water out my mouth and down my shirt. :drool: I'm off to change but had to thank you for a good laugh, I needed on today.

zoobabe

08-27-2006, 02:33 AM

did I make you laugh Tink- or did whawha?

I'll try and sing U2 songs to him next time whawha. A little musical accompianance never hurts.:D

whawha

08-27-2006, 10:18 AM

I always get bothered when people say they laughed so hard at a TVGasm that they shot coffee out their nose or on their screen. It always seemed fake.

However, I just now laughed ice cold water out my mouth and down my shirt. :drool: I'm off to change but had to thank you for a good laugh, I needed on today.

mmmmmm...cold water down your shirt. Wet shirt. Wet. Continue.....

bevo

08-27-2006, 12:10 PM

Once in college I had an 8 am class and it rained all night and morning before class. So I was walking from the commuter parking lot, and I mis-judged where a curb should be, because it was only covered by like a foot of water. I fell into all the water and got soaked from head to toe. Even my books were soaked! So I drove home, took a shower, and got back in bed.

More embarassing than funny, but definitely funny for all the people pointing and laughing. :( Who am I kidding, I would have laughed if I'd seen it happen to someone else.

jampony

08-27-2006, 12:29 PM

I "dated" a boy in fourth grade and even though we broke up within a couple of months, I had a small crush on him until my early twenties. In high school, I was walking up the stairs with all my friends and it was really crowded and I saw him and got nervous and I tripped and dropped all my books. He grinned and said "I always knew you'd fall for me" and I think I probably passed out because I don't really remember what happened until I was sitting in class a few minutes later.

I can't believe I still remember that after all these years! I think it traumatized me. :blush:

TinkerbellAPixie

08-27-2006, 01:01 PM

did I make you laugh Tink- or did whawha?

I'll try and sing U2 songs to him next time whawha. A little musical accompianance never hurts.:D

Well it was really the combination of the two of you. We have some real characters in here. :lol:

zoobabe

08-27-2006, 02:35 PM

a funny (embarrassing) football story:

Last season, I was home watching the second half of the Steelers/Bengals playoff game. I had to work that day and by the time I got home, it was too late to go the bar and I was tired so I could only watch the second half. I was prepared for at home watching with beer and I put my dog's Steelers jersey on him so I had another fan to watch with me. The Steelers were doing okay but not looking so strong and somewhere in the third quarter we recovered an turnover and then used a trick play where the QB faked a pass and another player threw it into the end zone for a TD. It was THE MOST BEUTIFUL THING and I was so excited that I was jumping up and down and I peed my pants a little! I've always heard people say -"I'm so excited I could pee my pants" but I thought it was just an expression. Never happened to me before. Thank God it was just me and the dog, 'cuz if I would have done that at the sportsbar I would have had to go home and change my pants!:blushing:

HoneyBunny

08-27-2006, 04:43 PM

I was so excited that I was jumping up and down and I peed my pants a little! I've always heard people say -"I'm so excited I could pee my pants" but I thought it was just an expression. Never happened to me before.

Kegels...

hb

angiemarie

08-27-2006, 04:55 PM

a funny (embarrassing) football story:

"I'm so excited I could pee my pants" but I thought it was just an expression. Never happened to me before. Thank God it was just me and the dog, 'cuz if I would have done that at the sportsbar I would have had to go home and change my pants!:blushing: :lol:

O.K. when I was in the 8th grade, I had a favorite pair of underpants. They were white with bright yellow, orange, and red polka dots (Don't judge me , it was 1985, everything had polka dots on it). Anyway, I wore a pair of tan pants and my favorite undies to school one day. During "music" class, Mr. Bertoluzzi (I still hate that bastard) had me come up to the board to write out some music. Well, with the bright flourescent lights shining on my butt, you could make out the dots on my underpants through my tan pants. Some smart ass said "Look, she has spots on her ass!" Everyone laughed and told the joke to all their friends who weren't in the class.

If something like that happened now, I would just laugh. At the time, I was so humiliated I actually tried to convince my Mom to let me switch schools.

Karo

08-28-2006, 06:19 AM

Those are good stories, but I think so far Tabby Lavalamp wins for getting her finger stuck in a bench. That's good sit-com.

ObstinantGirl

08-28-2006, 06:47 AM

Gee, I've humiliated and embarrassed myself TONS of times over the course of my life! Where should I begin??? :blush:

-Growing up, I had a huge crush on one of my sisters friends (he was about 7 years older than me, and belonged to a family that we got together with regularly). We were at their house one summer for a big BBQ/pool party, I was about 12 years old at the time, and I wandered into the family room at one point where the 'older kids' (aka 'the cool older kids') were hanging out. I sat down on one of the couches, only to hear a muffled "HEY!" from underneath the blanket I was sitting on. It was Dave, and I had just sat on his face.

-Same place, about a year later, and I was learning how to dive into the pool (I was a big 'fraidy cat). I finally gathered up courage and did it, it was a really nice clean dive, and I was thrilled when I came back up out of the water! Yelling "woo hoo!" and waving my arms around. Only to discover a few minutes later that my bathing suit top was down around my waist.

-Switched to a new high school, and was talking to a cute guy in the balcony of the gymnasium. Someone came running into the gym calling my name, saying that the bus was waiting for me! I went running, tripped and fell down an entire flight of stairs...ended up in a heap at the bottom, with my skirt up around my undies, in front of a bunch of senior guys playing foosball. Needless to say, the new girl had made quite an impression.

Tabby Lavalamp

08-28-2006, 08:15 AM

jenny10girl

08-28-2006, 08:33 AM

I have tons of ridiculous stories about myself. But here's one that is short. Remember when those stupid pleather pants were in style about 10 years ago? Well, I had a pair. (Shocking, I know.)

My friend's band was playing out at some random skanky bar, and since it was a rockin' cover band, I figured I'd play the rock chic role and wear them. In between sets I sat down to chat with some friends. Well, unbeknownst to me I must have caught those lovely pants on something sticking up on the chair, and I tore the pleather right off the butt.

Luckily one of my friends (a guy who was looking at my butt of course) pointed it out to me.

Thanks. :blush:

ObstinantGirl

08-28-2006, 08:59 AM

Which would be fine, that that one incident caused him to grow up and become TheDave.

:blink:

(Actually...the sad ending to that story is that Dave died in a car accident a couple of years after that. So much for my dreams of becoming his young, hot trophy wife! :blush: )

Tabby Lavalamp

08-28-2006, 09:29 AM

:blink:

(Actually...the sad ending to that story is that Dave died in a car accident a couple of years after that. So much for my dreams of becoming his young, hot trophy wife! :blush: )

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. If I had known, I never would have made the joke.

whawha

08-28-2006, 10:39 AM

zoobabe

08-28-2006, 10:40 AM

That wins for the most embarassing story yet. A Steelers fan?!?!

;)

that's very funny Tabby. Only it's too bad that I back WINNERS, like the Steelers and Janelle. It must be hard for you for your faves to lose all the time huh?:gunsmilie:

Tabby Lavalamp

08-28-2006, 10:53 AM

that's very funny Tabby. Only it's too bad that I back WINNERS, like the Steelers and Janelle. It must be hard for you for your faves to lose all the time huh?:gunsmilie:

Poor Southie Boys. :(

Strange though. I didn't know the Steelers were also tarted up barflies. :D

zoobabe

08-28-2006, 10:55 AM

Poor Southie Boys. :(

Strange though. I didn't know the Steelers were also tarted up barflies. :D

you didn't? Why- that's part of their strategy!:D

remember- I backed the Geniuses and the Hippies too.

Tabby Lavalamp

08-28-2006, 10:56 AM

you didn't? Why- that's part of their strategy!:D

remember- I backed the Geniuses and the Hippies too.
I was on the Hippy Train myself. :p

zoobabe

08-28-2006, 11:00 AM

score one point for Tabby!

btw ObstinantGirl- your stories made me laugh HARD. Like Snaggletooth wheezing laughter hard. Thanks!:laugh:

DickeyD

08-29-2006, 12:53 AM

Okay, so I was coming in here thinking I would tell a story about something that happened to me last month at a strip club in Belleville, Ontario (i'm underage, remember) but as I was typing it out, I decided it was wayyyyy to graphic for this forum. Like, insanely. If you really wanna hear the story, contact me somehow and I'll tell you lol.

Now i have decided to tell a story of something that happened to me about a week ago.

Okay, so last Saturday I went to a bar with my friends from work (I have my brother's ID) and while there - I ran into both my brother and my cousin and they asked me if I wanted to go to a kegger. So, naturally I said yes.

So me, my brother and my cousin went to the kegger. I did my first keg stands (yay me) and many beer bongs, plus i had some drinks at the bar, so after a bit, I was pretty drunk.

I stayed awake until about 3:30 - 4:00AM and then I went to sleep on a couch. What I haven't told you yet is that I was to work at 8AM. Obviously, that did not happen.

When I awoke it was about 10:30AM - and that was because the guy who owned the house (one of my cousin's friends) woke me up because my mom was on the phone. Apparently my worked cared that I wasn't there lol. And my brother and I didn't really tell my mom where we were so she was there at 8:30 wondering where I was when my worked called her asking where I was.

I quickly got home and got dressed for work and got there for around 11:15AM. At this point everyone's mad at me - my mom, my manager, another manager that was out with me @ the bar the night before wondering where the hell i was... so I decided i had to come up with a surefire story to get them non-upset.

When i got to work my manager called me downstairs and started yelling at me about how irresponsible i was, so I told her that I woke up in a ditch somewhere in the county at 8:30AM, i was completely scared for my life, and I wandered around for an hour and a half looking for anything familiar, and i finally knocked on a random house and asked to borrow their phone. I then told her I called my brother and he picked me up. I told them that some of the people @ the party took me to the county as a joke.

Everyone at work ate the story up. They were not mad at me, now they just thought it was a hilarious story.

I'm not a horrible person, seriously. lol

zoobabe

08-29-2006, 05:32 AM

That's a good story Dickey, just watch out for karma and stay away from ditches.;)

what I want to know is how you AND your brother got into the same bar with the same ID? Didn't the bouncer know the name/picture was the same?

tv freak 2

08-29-2006, 03:41 PM

My worst moments have probably been me being flamed on other websites.

Tabby Lavalamp

08-29-2006, 06:38 PM

You're a Janelle fan. It's bound to happen. ;)

ObstinantGirl

08-30-2006, 05:40 AM

btw ObstinantGirl- your stories made me laugh HARD. Like Snaggletooth wheezing laughter hard. Thanks!
Oh, good! If my pain and humiliation brings joy and laughter to others, then I'll happily make the sacrifice :clown:

Okay, I've got a fresh story for y'all.

Yesterday was Orientation Day at my sons school. I took him, went inside for the coffee hour, and then headed back to my car. Unfortunately, in the parking lot my feet slipped right out from under me and next thing I knew I was sitting on the ground (pavement) with a scraped hand, sore butt, and injured pride! So much for those new shoes I was so happy to wear :rolleyes: ... their soles are SLIPPERY! (The bruise on my rear end is a constant reminder of the incident, too...ouch.)

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. If I had known, I never would have made the joke.
Tabby, I know that you wouldn't have. But please don't feel badly, there was no way for you to know...and it WAS a funny joke. Don't worry, I laughed!

chick110

08-30-2006, 11:36 AM

I have a similar story... When I temped up in MD, we had a really bad winter. I got to work and the parking lot was a sheet of ice. I tried to get out of my car only to land on my butt. I managed to make it to my feet only to slip again and fall on my butt AGAIN... This guy who I'd never seen before, but was VERY HOT :o was seemingly able to walk okay, so I asked him if he would help me. We slip-slided a few steps and then I caused HIM to fall on HIS BUTT!!! Yup, I fell too. :eek: Thankfully, we both laughed about it and fell down a few more times before we made it to the door of the building. I got off the elevator on the 4th floor and he got off on the 5th, so I knew he worked up in Corporate, but I didn't know who he was or what department he worked in. But as I said, HE was HOT! ;) The funniest thing was that later on that month, I went to the movies and we saw While You Were Sleeping. The same exact scene (falling in the ice) played out between Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. Too ironic!!

tvaholic

08-30-2006, 11:58 AM

Dickey D-gotta say, you are one heckuva bullshitter!! What will you say to get out of the next jam?? And by the way, you are so lucky no one drew on your face when you passed out like we used to do in college. Although that would have made your story even better!

Lizardqueen

08-30-2006, 12:32 PM

[QUOTE=ObstinantGirl;13536] So much for those new shoes I was so happy to wear :rolleyes: ... their soles are SLIPPERY! (The bruise on my rear end is a constant reminder of the incident, too...ouch.)

Holy ouch on sore butts. I slipped off a rock last winter and landed right on my coccyx. Worst pain ever! :scared: I couldn't sit for an entire month. Only standing or laying carefully. And not at all a funny tale. But you gotta remember to scuff up those shoes on the pavement next time.

Lizardqueen

08-30-2006, 12:34 PM

I'm concerned about DickeyD. Is that neurotic?

Tabby Lavalamp

08-30-2006, 03:17 PM

I'm concerned about DickeyD. Is that neurotic?

No. It's your maternal instincts kicking in. Before we know it, there'll be the pitter-patter of little LizardHill feet around here.

jampony

08-30-2006, 03:23 PM

Speaking of pitter patter... Liz, did I recently read that there is a baby lizard running around somewhere or have I been hitting the mad dog a little too heavily lately? You never speak of him/her(it?).

ObstinantGirl

08-30-2006, 03:25 PM

Holy ouch on sore butts. I slipped off a rock last winter and landed right on my coccyx. Worst pain ever! I couldn't sit for an entire month.I hear ya. Sitting today has been uncomfortable...but walking has been none to comfy either. I'm heading home shortly and plan to take a hot bath and two Aleve :crying:

And not at all a funny tale.So what you're saying is that landing on your tail is no funny tale? :p

But you gotta remember to scuff up those shoes on the pavement next time.You know, I tried to...but they're slippery devils and it didn't do much (obviously!) to fix them. I'm actually going to have them re-soled, I like them that much...and am also that afraid of falling again while wearing them!

Anyway...my husband looked at me last night when I was telling him what happened, and after being sure that I was okay, he says "It's funny, you're such an elegant and coordinated person, and yet you do these unexpectedly clumsy things fairly often. I guess it's just part of the wonder that is you." and then he went back to reading the newspaper. I kid you not. :o

ScotyUtah

08-30-2006, 03:46 PM

College. 1993. School was out and all the fraternities and sororities rolled down to N. Myrtle Beach for a week of complete debauchery. I was staying in a house 2 blocks from the beach that held about 40 brothers. Third day there some of the guys got the bright idea to start a long drive contest from the side driveway of the house, launching balls towards the beach, with the goal of hitting a seaside hotel as high up as possible. A couple of the guys were decent golfers and were killing balls, some making contact with the building at least five stories up. I was feeling pretty good and all full of beer laden confidence so I step up to take my swing. I suck at golf but that didn't matter. As as I was making the back swing, a bunch of my bro's started yelling and I thought they were screwing with me "Caddyshack style". I ignored them and swung straight through with a solid connection. I looked up just in time to see the three foot high line drive smack straight into the middle of the driver's side door of a cop car driving by about 30 feet from the launch point. The cop slammed on the breaks and pulled into the driveway right in front of me with the "smoking golf club" still in my hand. I could nothing but drop the club and extend my arms to him in the "please cuff me now" gesture. He did and then stuck me in the back of the car. My brothers who had magically disappeared like cockroaches with a light suddenly turned on, came out of the woodwork and starting stuffing cash in through the windows so that I'd be able to post bail. The cop was actually good natured about the whole thing and when we got to the station he collected the money for me. I had more than enough to get me out but the magistrate wanted me to sit around through the night so that I could be taught a lesson. I ended up pitching dimes with some drunken locals all night. Even got to meet the head of the chamber of commerce who was thrown in later that night for being drunk in public. He'd been partying over at our house for happy hour. Good times, good times...

tati

08-30-2006, 08:19 PM

My brothers who had magically disappeared like cockroaches with a light suddenly turned on, came out of the woodwork and starting stuffing cash in through the windows so that I'd be able to post bail. The cop was actually good natured about the whole thing and when we got to the station he collected the money for me. I had more than enough to get me out but the magistrate wanted me to sit around through the night so that I could be taught a lesson. I ended up pitching dimes with some drunken locals all night. Even got to meet the head of the chamber of commerce who was thrown in later that night for being drunk in public. He'd been partying over at our house for happy hour. Good times, good times...

good story, well-told, Scoty! Glad the brothers helped w/ the bail & in the end, e'thing was OK & u got a cool, funny story 2 tell.

ObstinantGirl

08-31-2006, 07:09 AM

Remembered another one!

I was in college and a guy I'd been dating took me for a long walk on the beach near my house. It was very romantic, and he'd brought a bottle of wine and a picnic supper. We were snuggling and kissing, the sun was going down...he turns to me and starts telling me how he's very happy, he's decided to get back together with his old GF and he's decided that he's going to ask her to marry him :huh:

At first, I thought he was joking! But then I realized that this idiot was actually SERIOUS and thought that this was the best way to tell me :mad:
I was so pissed-off that after telling him off, I stalked away from him down the beach, leaving him alone... I found some people I knew in the parking lot and hung out with them for the rest of the night & one of them gave me a ride home. Unfortunately, when I arrived home I realized that I didn't have my housekey, because my housekey was in my purse, which was in THE KNUCKLEHEADS CAR under his front seat. Uggh. My car keys were in there, too.

Next morning, I had to phone him and ask him to drive my things over to my house. He lived almost an hour away, and wasn't too thrilled about this, but he did it. The kicker? He brought HER with him! What a jerk.

BTW? I brought my slippery shoes to the cobbler today to be re-soled!

ScotyUtah

08-31-2006, 09:08 AM

good story, well-told, Scoty! Glad the brothers helped w/ the bail & in the end, e'thing was OK & u got a cool, funny story 2 tell.

Thanks Tati! I ran the show (renting the house, buying the kegs and collecting the cash) for the next two years after that event and I have more stories to tell. So, coming soon: "The Burning Giant Purple Octopus". Stay tuned.

tvaholic

08-31-2006, 09:17 AM

ObstinantGirl-what an asshole!!! You know, my ex-fiance was like that, trying to break up in a way that I wouldn't think he was an ass. For instance, the first time he wanted to talk to me about "taking a break" about 6 years ago, he had cleaned the apartment, set up a romantic dinner, and while giving me a long back rub told me he was having doubts & wanted to take a break. And recently when we broke up for good-long story short, I found emails between him & another woman, he was actually planning on breaking up with me but thought it would be better to do so after a family function that was coming up that weekend. And he thought this was the best way to not come off as a total asshole??!!:cursing:

Sorry, I know this is a "funny story" forum, but it obviously triggered something! Actually, now I can laugh at the absurdity of it all. It's like, here's a cupcake, now I'm going to sucker-punch you in the gut. I think break-up stories, from both sides, could be a whole other thread!!

TinkerbellAPixie

08-31-2006, 09:17 AM

The kicker? He brought HER with him! What a jerk.

See - that shows how different we are. I would have been able to go right back and get my purse - since he'd still be waiting for AAA to come replace his 4 slashed tires.

(JK - I'm all talk)

But what a colossal creep! Any girl that would marry a guy who would treat someone that way - gets what she deserves.

tvaholic

08-31-2006, 09:18 AM

But what a colossal creep! Any girl that would marry a guy who would treat someone that way - gets what she deserves.

Amen sister!

TinkerbellAPixie

08-31-2006, 09:24 AM

Ok - I have a story - and it's embarassing. When I moved to Florida I gave away all my winter clothes thinking it wouldn't get cold down here. My first winter our office was freezinggggggg so I had some candles lit on my desk. Right behind my desk was the shred box and being the lazy ass (er... I mean efficient) girl that I am, I would lean over and drop papers in it rather than get up and walk around.

Well on this particular day I didn't realize my hair had fallen forward. I'm sitting there and hear this weird crackling sound and look down to discover my hair and sweater were on fire. I beat out the fire on my hair and pull off the sweater, toss it on the ground and stomp on it. All of this while our plant service guy (who was there to water the plants) stood staring at me in shock. It never occurred to him to stop and help me.

So - for the longest time my nickname at work was Hothead. They only stopped calling me that when they replaced the nick with Hot Lips - a story for another day.

ObstinantGirl

08-31-2006, 09:29 AM

They only stopped calling me that when they replaced the nick with Hot Lips - a story for another day.
Oh, no you don't! Spill!!! :p

DickeyD

08-31-2006, 10:43 AM

Posted by zoobabe

what I want to know is how you AND your brother got into the same bar with the same ID? Didn't the bouncer know the name/picture was the same?

Well actually, funny story. I got to the bar and I was in the van with all my work friends, and we pulled up about 20 feet from the entrance to the bar, and right when I got out, my brother crossed the street exactly to where I got out of the van, we had no idea we would be there. So I told him to wait a good five minutes and then come in... also two different bouncers checked our ID's

Posted by tvaholic

What will you say to get out of the next jam??

Probably something to do with floating in the Detroit River on an dignhy... it's funny because I'm that crazy for them to believe it.

Posted by LizardQueen

I'm concerned about DickeyD. Is that neurotic?

I'm glad that my fellow 'gasm-ers are looking out for me :):)

sg-dub

08-31-2006, 02:43 PM

I currently have poison ivy on my balls. I'm sure that's pretty funny to the rest of you.

TinkerbellAPixie

08-31-2006, 02:47 PM

I currently have poison ivy on my balls. I'm sure that's pretty funny to the rest of you.

:oops: Yup - you're right, that IS funny. How did you manage that one? And when can we start calling you Dr. SheShepard?:lol:

tati

08-31-2006, 05:19 PM

Next morning, I had to phone him and ask him to drive my things over to my house. He lived almost an hour away, and wasn't too thrilled about this, but he did it. The kicker? He brought HER with him! What a jerk.

Ugh, Obstinant, what a freakin' LOSER!! capital I, idiot. I agree w/ Tink, some poor unlucky lady is prolly stuck being married to him, hopefully for her sake, he's grown a set over the years. Humph!

Tink---my long hair caught fire from a nearby candle at a friend's surprise party a few years ago, just as the b'day guest walked in. Luckily, the friend I was talking to noticed & suddenly started swatting my hair to put the fire out. Wasn't so bad but after the distinct smell of burnt hair lingered in the air & people would ask the host w/a puzzled look, what's that smell?? :blushing:

HoneyBunny

08-31-2006, 06:31 PM

I currently have poison ivy on my balls. I'm sure that's pretty funny to the rest of you.

Almost as funny as when Paulie and Christopher chased Mikey into the woods and whacked him....

"Fuckin' poison ivy all over me." Paulie ~

hb

zoobabe

08-31-2006, 08:15 PM

sg- dub. If whatever you were doing in the bushes to get your poison ivy ends up making a baby, be sure to name him/her appropriately.:D

TinkerbellAPixie

09-01-2006, 04:27 AM

sg- dub. If whatever you were doing in the bushes to get your poison ivy ends up making a baby, be sure to name him/her appropriately.:D

Aww... Can't wait to see photos of Little Ivy-Dub :lol:

jenny10girl

09-01-2006, 04:29 AM

I currently have poison ivy on my balls. I'm sure that's pretty funny to the rest of you.

Do tell how that came about.;)

chick110

09-01-2006, 04:54 AM

The story better be funnier than reading about his itchy balls...:eek:

zoobabe

09-01-2006, 07:21 PM

Aww... Can't wait to see photos of Little Ivy-Dub :lol:

or for a boy- "leaf-dub":tongue_smilie:

HoneyBunny

09-01-2006, 08:03 PM

or for a boy- "leaf-dub":tongue_smilie:

nickname - "itchy-dub"

hb

zoobabe

09-01-2006, 08:05 PM

nickname - "itchy-dub"

hb

or "oozing pustule -dub":rolleyes:

Pekmboyd

09-03-2006, 06:32 PM

Well...my husband is in the Marines, but this took place before we were married. He is required to get a haircut once a week, all shaved on the sides and short up top, you know the type. $4.50 for a haircut is pretty decent, but every week adds up, so we decided it would be an easy money-saver to have me learn to cut his hair. We brilliantly decided this exactly 2 weeks before our wedding. So standing in the shower with the razor, I get the sides shaved all nice and close like they're supposed to be, and I get the top all trimmed to a nice short length like it's supposed to be, but I can't seem to get the two lengths to meet up (fade, in haircut terms apparently).

I keep trying, and trying, and the shaved part gets higher and higher, and long story short, he's bald. Completely, utterly bald. And while some people look good bald, he's not one of them - his head is shaped weird. And we're getting married in 2 weeks. Thankfully his hair grew out a little before the wedding so he wasn't TOTALLY bald, but he was awfully close :) I have to say I love the wedding pictures because I always chuckle at how he ended up bald, and what else can you expect when you marry a guy who you met because he was wearing a Burger King crown, and who proposed with a Ring Pop? :)

ObstinantGirl

09-04-2006, 06:48 AM

Great, great story! I love the Ring Pop part of your story, too...my son gets one of those every week at our local football games.

chick110

09-04-2006, 06:51 AM

LOL, that's cute!! A month or two before our wedding, I was starting to color my hair. My then fiance, now dh asked if he could help. I couldn't think of any way he could screw it up, but boy he did. He took the bottle and squeezed it like a ketchup bottle right on the crown of my head. I took the bottle away from him and tried to work the color around more, but after I washed it out, I had this bright orange spot on top of my head... I went to work the next day with my hair all pulled back to hide the orange and I called every salon near by so I could get fit in that evening to get it FIXED. They did weird highlights, but at least there was no longer a big orange spot on top...

ObstinantGirl

09-04-2006, 07:21 AM

Hee!

Years ago, when I was still a drinker, some friends and I got together one night for a "Girls Night" where we drank, had pizza, and colored each others hair. We were doing the hair frosting on each other, where you put those rubber caps on your head & pull strands of hair through the holes in the cap. Anyway, mine turned out fine, two other women's hair turned out fine, but the night was getting long, we were drunk...and when it came to the final woman we forgot to set the timer! Suddenly, we realized that WAyyyyyy too much time had passed, we rinsed her hair & removed the cap...her hair was almost completely white! Well, that's not accurate. It was even worse than that because only the STRANDS were completely white, the rest of her hair was still the normal color...and it looked freakish! :eek: Naturally, we were all on the floor laughing, all except for the poor woman with the freaky hair. Poor thing. She called in sick to work the next day and sought out a hairdresser who could help her out. It cost her a fortune to get it fixed.

jampony

09-04-2006, 07:28 AM

Years ago, when I was still a drinker, some friends and I got together one night for a "Girls Night" where we drank, had pizza, and colored each others hair.
Never mix alcohol with... well, anything! It never turns out well. A friend of mine just bought a new house and was out drinking one night to celebrate. When she got home, she decided to put together a TV stand. Failing miserably (and leaving it in pieces in her living room), she instead chose to hang wallpaper border in her bathroom. Since she couldn't reach near the ceiling, she put a bar stool in the tub. And I'm sure you can guess what happened next. She missed hitting her head on the sink by an inch. Not a funny story, I guess, but we did laugh at her nasty bruises the next day!