Auditiongasm Fall 09: Round Two: Grey's Anatomy Recap 1

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Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen! Thanks to your votes last week, I'm back to recap Grey’s Anatomy, Season Five, Episode 22, “What A Difference A Day Makes.”

On this week’s Grey’s Anatomy: a wedding! Brain Tumors! A poorly hidden real life pregnancy! A poorly hidden real life self-entitled douchebag that went and got Dr. Burke fired then screwed up things with awesome Callie and now is ruining this whole season because even though he is an ACTOR, he cannot even manage to act like he wants to be remotely near season six here. Ahem. I digress. We open tonight’s episode with poor, poor Izzie Stevens. Blondie here is in the throes of treatment for end stage metastatic melanoma. Bad news Bears. She is lying in bed, sallow and bald, yet graceful, speaking of how the most memorable days never start out that way, they just end that way. Hallmarky-ness aside, Shonda and the gang have done a great job in this opening scene of using just the right music, lighting, and writing choices to suck you in for the next 60 minutes. Blondie, no matter how reviled in the press and obnoxious in real life she may be, is totally believable here. This is also remarkable due to the fact that someone other than the show’s namesake, Miss Meredith Grey, is not narrating the beginning of the show. But she shows up soon, as we fade from Blondie to Meredith standing in a church with my baby daddy, Derek Shepherd. Meredith and McDreamy (no need for a new nickname, don’t fix it if it isn’t broken) are in the cathedral waxing poetic on their upcoming nuptials. “Just a normal day that ends in a ceremony in a churchy church,” bemoans Miss Sunshine. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Meredith. I totally get her, she’s damaged, I’m damaged, we’re all effing damaged. We get some therapy in watching her do emotionally stunted things and dealing with the trainwreck that follows. But here, this chick has got McDreamy, his hair, and his wallet all up in a church ready to marry her skinny little ass and she’s still bitching. What else do you need, Meredith? As soapy as Grey’s can be, I don’t think Mommy is coming back from the dead nor are they “rapidly aging” another little sister to come work alongside you, so I think you better take McDreamy and head for the hills. You could probably even talk McSteamy into a threesome, I heard he’s into that kind of stuff. Anyhoo…

…back to the church. McDreamy looks over with that adorable smirk and twinkle in his eye, and reassures Meredith that it’s not really about them anyway, they are just the bride and groom, referring to the fact that Blondie is planning this whole shindig. Meredith, obviously, duh, isn’t into the whole wedding thing and Blondie is, and she’s dying, you know, so Meredith handed her the reigns to this whole thing. Meredith exclaims, “We’re getting married tonight!” McDreamy looks back at her with a look of confidence and repeats the same thing. Sigh. This is why I, and housewives, hell, women everywhere are addicted to this show. These two are so believable in these characters, they have such a chemistry that is completely carried on-screen that I get butterflies watching this exchange. I mean seriously, coupled with a bottle of wine, this is the most action I’ve gotten all week.

Ugh, now we have to watch some other characters. Let’s get this over with and back to Baby Daddy. We are rudely thrust into a scene with one of my personal faves, Callie Torres, and one of my least faves, Cristina Yang, rhymes with Wang, I like that better. Roommates, Wang wakes Callie up from a couch in the hospital with “you slept here?!” Apparently, Callie asked Wang to cover for her so she could “get it on with roller skate girl.” Ok, Wang, point for you, that was actually kind of funny. Wang’s pissed cause she could have been sleeping at home or sculpting more flesh colored play dough for her face (mean, I know, but that’s totally what she looks like!) or something instead of sleeping in the on call room. Turns out things didn’t work out between Callie and Roller Skate girl (Dr. Arizona Robbins, played by Jessica Capshaw) and Callie had to be here early anyway to pick up a shift in the ER. Cut to extremely awkward Wang commenting, “So is Owen not here today?” (Owen=crazy ass Dr. Owen Hunt, PTSD suffering ex-army surgeon, who, while his character is totally supposed to be tortured and intense, is terribly overacted by Kevin McKidd.) Yes, I understand that this exchange is supposed to be awkward, but it’s like Sandra Oh couldn’t do awkward so she’s doing what she thinks awkward is like and it just doesn’t work. Oh, you didn’t know I’m a professional actor and coach? Me neither. J Callie rushes off to the ER and in walks Miss Sunshine. Wang jumps up and puts on the overly happy bridesmaid act on purpose to freak Meredith out, and it works. They decide it’s creepy then Meredith lets Wang know that she’s not freaked out about the wedding, she’s excited for the marriage and that Izzie’s the one that’s all bridezilla.

Here comes Blondie, presumably earlier in time than the opening sequence, not looking as sallow and deathly, talking about wedding details while being examined by Dr. Bailey. She is also being hovered over by boyfriend and fellow resident, Dr. Alex Karev. I just love Karev, he’s such an everyguy, incredibly believable as a former wrestler who decided to take advantage of his athletic scholarship to become a doctor. And he’s total Hot Stuff. Hot Stuff is worried about Blondie’s condition, and she is assuring him and Dr. Bailey that she is just fine to go to Meredith and Baby Daddy’s wedding tonight. Bailey and Hot Stuff are appropriately patronizing to her extreme enthusiasm over the wedding, and Bailey assures her that she will indeed be allowed to leave the hospital to attend. Blondie is left alone in the room, when we discover that things maybe aren’t as well as they seem. She scratches her head, only to discover her hair is beginning to fall out. Well, crap, what am I going to do when all her hair is gone? I really don’t want to call her Baldie, I’m not even that mean. Then, and I actually gasped when I realized who it was, Denny reappears. For those of us who aren’t Grey’s fanatics, Denny is Blondie’s dead boyfriend who croaked way back at the end of season two but has literally been haunting the show ever since, finagling his way back into every freaking storyline. Love the dude, but seriously, he’s flipping dead and this isn’t daytime television. Anyhoo, Izzie started seeing Denny at the beginning of this season, and those hallucinations are what alerted her to her brain tumor in the first place, and since her surgery to remove said tumor, Denny’s been chillin in his grave. Well, folks, he’s back, which is not good news for Blondie here. “I know what this means, you being here,” says Blondie, “but I’m still going to the wedding.” Heartbeat, then opening credits. Ouch.

Cut to Hot Stuff and ew, O’Malley, walking down a hallway into the ER of Seattle Grace. Georgie Porgie here is the douchebag I referenced back in the beginning of this recap. His character should have just been shot way back at the beginning of this season and saved us all a whole lot of trouble. Homeboy is supposed to be coming off as lost and disgruntled and maybe a bit disillusioned, but instead he is appearing apathetic and over it, like he’s too superior to even be wasting his time finishing out his contract this season. Which is actually pretty funny, because after this polarizing performance, I doubt we’ll be seeing him with a job anytime soon. GP’s harassing Hot Stuff about how Blondie’s doing, when they reach Callie at the main desk in the ER. Callie then makes the cardinal mistake in any ER, by saying that it is a slow day. I love that they do this, because as someone who has worked in a hospital, I can tell you that is a very real phenomenon. No matter how seemingly quiet and SLOW a day may be, the minute anyone utters the S-word, all hell breaks loose. Hot Stuff and GP admonish Callie for her blunder, and as she is telling them they are wrong, the phone starts ringing off the hook and an incoming trauma is announced. Dun dun dun.

Ugh, Wang’s back, and she brings awkward hour with her, standing with Mr. Someone-needs-to-tell-him-it’s-Grey’s-and-not-Spartacus-for-heaven’s-sake-enough-with-the-overacting on the catwalk overlooking the lobby of Seattle Grace and making small talk about shrinks. Homeboy here had a PTSD-induced spaz and tried to choke out poor ugly Wang three episodes ago, so things are, guess what, awkward! Wang asks him how therapy is going, and he reveals that progress is being made and they had discovered that the ceiling fan above her bed triggered memories of helicopters which is what caused the spazzing and choking. They share a moment and right as they’re about to touch, Wang pulls away. Sigh.

Paramedics come busting into the ER with the traumas that Callie managed to jinx into fruition. The first patient in is a male, and from him we learn that he was in a car accident on the way to his college graduation. Next up is a female from the same car of friends. They are both bloodied and on backboards, and placed next to each other in the ER. They are soon joined by another male passenger from the wreck, who is asking for his girlfriend. The female victim asks Callie to check on the other graduates from the wreck, and starts listing off names, revealing there were 8 kids piled into a SUV. As we are about to break for commercial, the first male crashes, leaving Callie screaming for Hunt and our heads spinning.

After commercial, we’re back in the ER, and Hot Stuff and Hunt have got the first chick in a trauma room. She’s in shock, asking for her friends and trying to get out of bed because she has a speech to give, turns out she was the valedictorian. Hunt says they’ll run a few more tests but she’ll be fine and goes next door into the room of the second guy who is still freaking out about his girlfriend. Then to the room of the cardiac arrest guy, who is stable enough to talk…gotta love TV magic! Lexi, fellow resident and Meredith’s sis, walks in carrying blood for the patient and wearing a size huge trauma gown to cover her very large real life pregnant belly. That’s a fun game, get a bottle of vodka and take a shot every time her belly is awkwardly hidden behind a jacket or hospital bed or counter. Fun times. Almost dead guy manages to give identifying characteristics of all the friends he was in the car with, setting us up for some shocking moments later when we find them dead or whatever and we know because of her blue hair, before he codes again and GP rushes to save him.

And now I’m interested. McDreamy waltzes (the father of my children does not merely walk into a room, he waltzes, damn it) into Izzie’s room, her having paged him. After bringing up some wedding items, she admits the real reason for her page: Boyfriend’s back! Baby Daddy is appropriately concerned, telling Blondie he’ll order a MRI, and all while looking devastatingly handsome. Love you!

Let’s lighten things up a bit. Meredith finds the Chief, who tells her he is supposed to give her a wedding present from Baby Daddy. (I understand he must work, which is why I tolerate him giving presents to other whores. It’s just acting.) As Meredith is about to rail on the antiquated rituals of wedding, the Chief tells her the present is a colon. Her first solo surgery. The perfect gift, and yet another reason why McDreamy is perfect.

Back to the ER, where Callie is joined by McSteamy. He is there, I think, just to look hot, toss in an occasional one liner and keep the horny housewives tuned in, and he does his job well. Callie’s running around the ER, making sure that we know that she knows how dumb she was for saying the S-word when Roller Skate girl shows up. She is supposed to come off as quirky and adorably forward, but I think she’s just obnoxious and annoying. She begins harassing Callie, trying to find out what went wrong with their date last night. STFU Roller Skate girl, you bug me. Off with you.

We peek back in on GP, just to find him flogging a dead horse, or in this instance, a dead college graduate, not wanting to stop CPR and call the time of death. Hunt tells him to give it up, and we are down our first crash victim. Grim Reaper 1, Georgie Porgie 0.

Time for Blondie’s MRI. Bailey is readying her for the test, listing things other than a tumor that could be causing her symptoms. Blondie’s sure it’s a tumor because her hallucination says it’s a tumor. “You can’t see him because you don’t have a tumor, but he says hi,” says Blondie. “You tell Denny Duquette I said to go home,” responds Bailey. Poor, poor Blondie. I’m almost going to miss her disgustingly perfect self when she kicks it. (Or will she? I’ll keep the spoilers to myself. ;)

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I then find out that gravely injured people can indeed be lame when we rejoin Hot Stuff and the Valedictorian in the ER. She was thinking of shacking up with the first crash victim and now is all upset because she didn’t and he’s dead. Not that she didn’t tell him she loved him, or cared about him, but that she didn’t have sex with him. It’s somewhat of an odd exchange, and I decide that she is definitely lame. Moving on. Wang’s in another room with not dead crash dude, where he’s still going on about his missing girlfriend (gosh, it’s not like she could be dead or something…oh, wait.) and she is showing off the new sad face mold she got for her play dough face. Hunt walks in, and judging by the dramatic music, there is supposed to be intensity between these two, but I’m just not feeling it. I think she’s waiting for her drama mold to come in the mail. GP has moved on to a new victim, who is soon identified by his red sneakers (way to go with those clues, dead guy!) as dead guy’s friend Pete. He’s gushing blood, GP and Lexi are trying to fix him, but things are not looking good. Grim Reaper 2, GP 0.

Off to the operating room, and Meredith with her solo surgery. The chief has scrubbed in as well, he is going to oversee, and as Meredith says, “make sure she doesn’t kill anyone on her wedding day.” Good plan.

In the ER, Callie is trying to keep control of all the trauma madness when Dr. Arizona McAnnoying shows up. She accuses Callie of using her extra shifts in the ER as an excuse to ignore her. Token hot guy in the corner, McSteamy, pipes up with another one of his charming one liners and Callie responds with, “Suck it, Mark.” Indeed.

GP finds Hunt to let him know that he lost red shoe guy, all his patients are dying, he’s in over his head. No, actually, you just suck. Hunt tells him to put his big girl panties on and pull it together, there is another ambulance on its way in. GP poorly acts frustrated then runs off to kill someone else.

We move on to Bailey, Blondie, and McDreamy going over the results of Izzie’s MRI. At first examination, there is no tumor to be found and no explanation for the recurrence of the Denny hallucination. Blondie pleads with the other two doctors to take her seriously, explaining there is no way she would have risked missing her PERFECT wedding by telling them about the hallucination if it was not real. Baby Daddy jumps in to save the day, because that’s what heartthrobs do, and deduces that if they can induce a hallucination, they can pinpoint what in her brain is causing the trouble. Not only is he gorgeous, he’s brilliant too.

An ambulance comes into the ER carrying GP’s next victim. The paramedic draws back a sheet to reveal a very gruesome injury, intestines hanging out everywhere. Just as Wang realizes that it is victim dude’s girlfriend, he walks out into the hallway and sees her dead. He collapses, GP calls time of death, and Grim Reaper is up 3-0. I’m almost, almost starting to feel sorry for poor little Georgie here. He must have really pissed off Shonda, because she is just killing him (pun intended) in this episode.

GP isn’t the only glutton for punishment tonight, because here comes Arizona Suckface back to badger Callie. She finally gets her to go the eff away by telling her that maybe it’s over, a fling that has run its course. Tell her anything, just make her stop talking!

We then find Meredith in the midst of her solo surgery, the chief still hovering, trying to be “helpful” but actually being quite condescending. To spice things up, in walks McSteamy. He’s here to “threaten” Meredith, saying he’s already been Baby Daddy’s best man once, and he doesn’t want to have to make another speech after this wedding. I wish they would expand on McSteamy’s storylines, he fits really well into this cast and I think there is really some depth to his character that could be explored.

Now for Baby Daddy to save the day. He and Bailey are hooking Blondie up to the machine that will monitor her brain and map her hallucination. Blondie ups the melodrama factor, telling Bailey she’s not sure why Denny is always the focus of her hallucination, because Hot Stuff is the man she really loves. She then has to make her dead boyfriend apparition appear. Which is very realistic. Only Emmy winning actresses are capable, you know. She is going to do it quickly, because there is only two hours left before her wedding. STFU about the wedding already, Blondie. We all know Meredith’s going to flunk Gold Digging 101 and somehow manage to eff this up. If Mer and Der actually end up happily ever after, would there even be any show left?

We’ll pause on her hallucination recreation and slide over to Hot Stuff getting the Valedictorian ready for surgery. She is asking about her friends, who have all died at the hands of GP. To distract her from asking more questions, Hot Stuff asks her to give her valedictorian speech. “Today is the day my life begins….today I become accountable to someone other than myself…” It’s a little middle school graduation to me, but touching nonetheless. With her voice in the background, we see Wang and Hunt lose another crash victim, Meredith successfully complete her solo surgery, and Blondie admonish Denny into appearing, allowing Baby Daddy to find the misfiring neurons in Blondie’s brain. Which I wouldn’t think would be all that difficult in her head, but whatevs. She is triumphant at first, but then realizes that making dead boyfriend appear sealed her fate, that there is definitely something wrong. The suspense builds….

After a wine refill, we return to Bailey and McDreamy discussing the results of the MRI and brain mapping. There is indeed a tumor in Blondie’s big head, but it is too small to be reached and deemed inoperable. “I wish there was something I could do for her,” our hero laments. “I know, I know something you can do,” Bailey responds. Do you see where this is going yet?

And just to ruin my night, more Arizona. She runs up to an exhausted Callie, telling her she thought they had something and they went to a fancy restaurant when the truth comes out. Callie admits that the fancy restaurant was too expensive, her father cut her off when she told her about her lesbian tendencies, and she couldn’t enjoy herself because she didn’t have the money. She also explains that working in the ER was not to distance herself from Suckface, but to earn extra money. “6 people died on my watch tonight, and I am fried,” cries Callie, and I actually feel really bad for her. She thought that would be their night, and they agree to stay in and eat pizza and make it work. I’m very meh about the Callie/Suckface romance, I feel like it is being forced and Callie could do way better. Like a date with a drug free tooth extraction.

On the long and prescription addled road to emotional wellbeing, Meredith has an exchange with the chief following her surgery where he congratulates her and tells her that her mother would have been proud. Hi, I ruined your childhood by sleeping with your mother and breaking up your parents marriage, but you rock now! Thanks Chief!

She then meets up with McDreamy in the changing room doctors lounge thingy. She thanks him for the best wedding present ever, then compares getting into her wedding dress to being an idiot. Nothing says “I love you” like “I’m an idiot for marrying you.” Another reason why you should leave her for me, Baby Daddy! Mysterious McDreamy then suggests that they should make this day even better. Are you catching on now?

GP is surveying his damage in the blood filled ER when Hunt thanks him for a job well done today. Georgie laments all the patients he lost today when Hunt tells him, “you don’t always have to be a hero, you just need to be where you’re needed.” Alluding to a future career change, perhaps? I think GP is not long for this Grey’s world.

Break my heart, Meredith walks outside to a crying Hot Stuff, who has learned of Blondie’s tumor, and the realization that she may die on him. He then asks Meredith why she is there instead of getting ready for her wedding. She tells him that is the reason she is there to talk to him. Hmmm…

We then find out where all this “subtle” foreshadowing has been going. Bailey is holding a bridesmaid dress in Blondie’s room, waiting to help her get ready for Meredith’s wedding when the bride herself walks in. She tells Blondie that the dress is not her dress. Blondie starts to have a tizzy, thinking Meredith is backing out of the wedding when Hot Stuff rolls in, all dashing, and tells Blondie that Meredith is right, it is not her dress. Blondie and Hot Stuff are going to get hitched! As much as I hate her, those two would have some gorgeous children! Except for the whole dying from a brain tumor thing. But anyhoo….

In another shining example of TV magic, we return from the commercial break to a brideified Blondie. Gone are the IV’s and sallow chemo induced complexion, on is her perfect white dress. Meredith is actually looking very cute in her bridesmaid dress, and Wang is…well, she’s Wang. Blondie chooses Wang as her maid of honor because “you tried to save my life, and that makes you honorable.” And ugly, ensuring that she will be the prettiest in the room. Good thinking, Blondie.

Hot Stuff is now waiting in a tux in a gorgeous candle lit church when the doors open to reveal Blondie. She begins her walk down the aisle, only to falter from weakness halfway down. GP tries to regain any dignity he may have left by standing up to anchor Izzie and walk her the rest of the way down the aisle. He hands her off to Hot Stuff and the ceremony commences. When it comes time for vows, Blondie realizes in the rush she hadn’t had time to write any. Hot Stuff declares that he has something to day, and starts reciting Valedictorian’s graduation speech, slightly edited to fit a wedding format. Nothing says romance like stealing a speech from an almost dead girl! I was thinking of you when I was sewing her colon shut….sigh. Blondie, blinded by her Barbie wedding fantasy coming true, is charmed to pieces, and man and wife kiss. I felt completely heartless at this point, because I was completely underwhelmed here. I guarantee every other female at this point is crying their face off, the climax of the 100th episode, but I was just okay with it because it was almost too expected. But very sweet and well done nonetheless.

Blondie then narrates the closing scene, which is her coming back to her hospital room, exhausted from the wedding excitement. Hot Stuff is tucking her in when she discovers her hair is falling out. She breaks down, and swoon, he tells her she is beautiful and they will just shave it off. Blondie’s voiceover continues her thoughts on how unforgettable days come to be, and we see Wang hacking down her ceiling fan, Blondie getting rid of her hair, and that little slut Meredith banging Baby Daddy. It is then revealed that she had been talking to dead boyfriend, who tells her she must have made a beautiful bride. She says it was a beautiful day, then Hot Stuff walks in. “Go away now, I want to be alone with my husband,” she warns Denny, and we end the show with a kiss between the new Mr. and Mrs. Hot Stuff.

So, Gasmii, what do you think? Will Georgie live to kill another day, or jump in front of a train? Will Meredith actually walk down the aisle, or end up jumping in front of a train? And will Blondie pull through, or decide not to die a painful brain tumor induced death and instead jump in front of a train? Hopefully I’ll be around to let you know next week!