Auditiongasm Special: Gossip Girl One Round Smackdown: Recap Three

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So this was by far the best show this season for Gossip Girl. I watch religiously and the last few episodes have been dragging along.
First off everyone is all lovey dovey. I can guarantee without even seeing the end that one of these couples won’t be so couply any longer. We “spot” Serena as Gossip Girl would say eating a toaster strudel with Carter, her new BF for this millisecond. He oh so nicely made it for her as breakfast, instead of letting the hired help cook?? Did he need them to find the toaster?? Does he know what a kitchen looks like? ? Probably not, but we’ll placate him and say he does and how its oh so sweet of him to make her breakfast. Anyway love is pain supposedly as GG(Gossip girl) says. I don’t see how, when all these people have trust funds and you can probably buy yourself a good partner on Ebay or pay for an escort. Carter laughs at the thought of going to lunch with three people who despise him the most and Serena promises to go make up with Lily who’s having a hard time dealing with knowing she’s a horrible parent, oops I mean having a hard time dealing with her daughter not going to college and living off the money she has had her whole life.
Vanessa, who seriously must LIVE at this coffee shop (I swear she has a little room in the back where she was homeschooled since season one) runs into the big G or Georgina, the mayor of crazy town!(and Susie from The rw/rr: The ruins would say).We spring over to Blair, Chuck Nate and Bree Buckley (BB) all eating lunch together. Blair is devouring BB and spitting her out in pieces. She says how The Big G came back into town with her coffin and broom. BB thinks this is time to bond with Blair and says how she got close with her roomie by bonding over ice cream cupcakes and by teaching her Jambo meaning Hello in Swahili. Blair hilariously says if she knows how to say mind your own Beeswax? And dirty looks all around from the breakfast club directly towards her right away. Carter becomes the topic of conversation and BB is all up in Carters grill. Chuck immediately takes notice and starts to feed into this. After the last insult from Blair, BB excuses herself to make a quicky call about Carter being in NY. Chuck tries to persuade her into telling him why shes soo interested but BB doesn’t give up the goods. Just watch out Serena.
Serena is now going to make up with Lily about staying in NY and partying like its 1999 and her mom forgives her blaming her 5th soon to be husband instead of herself for being out of town or too busy to pay attention to her own kids. Serena tells her Rufus is perfect for her, and Lily is not even hearing it. Serena leaves and we see Rufus heading back to his loft/ garage. Serena is calling Dan and plans the sneak Parent Trap attack with all the siblings. I don’t even know what to call them because they are all half related because of Creepy Scott(we’ll see him later, you just wait and you’ll see why he’s Creepy Scott)
We see Vanessa and The mayor of Crazy Town Georgina talking over COFFEE. Vanessa must never ever sleep since she drinks so much damn caffeine. The Big G is telling her how D. Humphrey is not responding to her acts of love. Vanessa so plainly puts that they broke up, he’s dating someone else, and she’s a CRAZY PERSON. Thank you for someone telling her! The Big G then proceeds to say her little vaca was not anywhere in particular except to go see Scott, drug him up and get him to confess he’s Dan’s brother! She then says she’s going blackmail Vanessa into getting D.Humphey back by threatening to reveal that Creepy Scott is Dan’s brother from another mother and Vanessa will lose her only other friend besides the coffee shop. She really needs to expand her horizons. Now they are back in Vanessa’s room, (where’s Olivia, wouldn’t that be incredible a run in with mayor of crazy town, and Dan’s new girlfriend..They should have put that in this episode. ) and Vanessa calls Dan on speaker and tries to convince him to break up with Olivia because she’s just not right for him, even though in all TV show reality, she’s probably the most normal person he’s dated, EVER. Her choice of reasons make it seem like she’s trying to sleep with him and he asks if she’s eating special brownies again and hangs up to go be Hayley Mills in the parent trap.( Let’s get together, yeah yeah ). The four kids are all there and leave their parents to eat lunch together but they end up fighting even more to realize why they aren’t getting married anytime soon since Mayor Bloomberg wouldn’t want to toast in a Freddie Boom-Boom Cup.
Chuck is giving Blair some kind of massage he learned in Thailand and talking about Carter/Serena. Chuck knows Carters up to no good, but Blair is insisting he’s a changed man. She then says how they are shacking it up at her old apt (where is Eleanor if these people are living in her house???) and Chuck can’t believe she didn’t give up the goods when BB asked. Blair informs him, if he didn’t realize it from the million insults she threw at BB that she doesn’t like BB. Chuck finishes his massage and leaves to go call Bree.
Dan tells everyone after leaving the Parent trap dinner (Let’s get together, yeah yeah) how Vanessa was giving not so subliminal hints about her wants in his pants. Jenny and Eric are like DUHHH. Where have you been? They go all this is the moment you realize you want her, and Dan’s like Um, yeah I like my hot movie star girlfriend better than Coffee shop girl. He then walks in on Vanessa looking like the mayor of crazy town (I never get tired of that phrase) by photo shopping a picture of Orlando Bloom into a pic with Olivia. She then says it not exactly what it looks like, because it’s the Big G blackmailing her. She tells her Scotts his brother from another mother and he looks shocked. Cut.
We come back to see Lily and Rufus looking for each other and they are at each other’s houses since they realized they love each other. Rufus tells her lets leap and to get married. TOMORROW! Which it doesn’t seem like they actually get married tomorrow since we have al these people trying to find a PLACE to have the wedding the next morning. They’ve enlisted Jenny’s followers as the non-hired help. Jenny’s busy making a dress in 5 minutes, because she’s Wonder Woman now(I think back to last season that she took weeks to make her dress for the White party in the Hamptons, but not now. She’s Wonder Woman!!)

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(con't)

Lily is making her vows and they are an exact replicate of all the other 4 men she married, and you think the people at the wedding wont’ notice. It’s been four times already. Come on, Be Original Serena tells her, you actually are marrying for Love,( not money or fame.) You can see it on Lily’s face she’s officially got Cold feet. The wedding is going to be at Botanic Gardens. Now all the hired help go to work!!!
We finally find out what happened with Poppy Lipton from season 2 while Dan and Georgina are strolling through the park. Apparently the Big G had her deported and Dan says it’s such a Georgina thing to do. She invites herself to the wedding, and Dan’s immediately like um, no it’s only a small family event (don’t think anyone wants you there since you outed my soon to be step brother to his mom, and helped my step sister kill someone) so he’ll catch up with her later. She feels like someone’s a big fat liar since Dan didn’t grab her ass after she surprise stuck her tongue down his throat and leave to go meet Scott at the bus stop. They go to “surprise” Vanessa. See, her plan is to Out Scott all along and screw Vanessa since G can’t keep a secret and doesn’t have a good track record with keeping them anyway. It’s stupid of Vanessa to think the Big G won’t just out Scott at any time, since she is the mayor of crazy town and all.
Chuck (who looks gorgeous )meets with Carter gives him a one way ticket to leave and flee his mess that Chuck will clean up for him or go to the wedding and clear the air with Serena and face what he did to BB’s family. We all make it to the wedding, Dorota and all, except for the Sonic Youths who are stuck in traffic even though Mr Chuck has his very own chopper. Everyone is giving nods and looks to each other. BB is keeping her eyes peeled for Carter and Nate takes notice of her eyeballing the whole garden. Blair is worried about where Carter is, and Chuck says Serena’sl better off without him. Blair argues he’s still a changed man and Chuck says we’ll find out, if he picks love or a free vaca.
Jenny does Lily in by making her even more worried since Rufus’ vows are soo nice and great. She tells her she doesn’t want to spoil it though, how bout you already did?? Lilly is officially freaking out and everyone is already in their seats. Carter shows up and tells Serena the whole story. He made BB’s cousin fall in love, pay his debts and almost get married, but he didn’t love her. It was all for the money. We find Lily and Rufus having an argument over….nothing except Lily being freaked out about actually marrying someone she loves. Since the people getting married haven’t come out yet, Georgina decides to show up and go find them. Scott is wandering through the Botanic Gardens and stumbles upon Lilly and Rufus arguing. He asks if they are getting married, and Lily metaphorically bitch slaps him and tells him to mind his own beeswax. Rufus tries to tell her who he is, but then The mayor of crazy town comes in and announces it’s a boy and he’s not dead. As if Lily didn’t know he was a boy. They both knew it was a boy so it’s ridiculous for her to say that. Anyway. Everyone is going shit bananas as the Big G disappears and Scott has already run away. Dan confirms it’s true what The Big G said, just as Lily is bitching Rufus out for playing guitar with their dead sons brother. Rufus and Lily run off to go find him and actually do something together.
Everyone else at the wedding starts leaving, since the wedding in a day was a waste of money and time. You see Serena and Carter there and he’s trying to plead with her that it’s different with her. Isn’t it funny that every guy tells her that? Carter walks up to BB and gives himself away and tells her they can’t do this here and to meet up later so her cousins can rape him, opps I mean settle the debt owed. We then see the mayor of Crazytown eating the wedding cake, since no one else is going to eat it.
We rush to see Rufus and Lilly running to China town (which where is this in relation to the Botanic Gardens?? This show and their geography makes everything 5 minutes away, which we all know is definitely not the case) They are arguing because Lilly is pushing him away and he realizes that no matter what it is, she’s just scared to actually be with someone she lovesand its really sweet(and scary) that he realizes that. They find Scott in time and he says he just wanted to believe that they weren’t ready to have a kid, not that they didn’t love each other. And they have a Kodak moment (really, it was very touching) and all is ok on that corner for this moment. We then see them getting married back at Rufus’s loft/garage by someone from Sonic Youth I thin. Everyone is happy; except for Serena whose date is MIA. Lily tells her it’s all for the best she didn’t go to Brown because this wedding/episode would have never happened.
All of the Brady Bunch is hanging out talking about who Scott looks like more and if he likes board games, because if you’re a Humphrey/vanderwoodsen that MUST be in your Blood. What I don’t like is that Scott is going away so easily, that he has an “open invitation “for the holidays. He should stay as a sort of regular on the show. Vanessa texted couldn’t make it; she’s probably at her coffee shop.
Serena is upset and she talks to Chuck who tells her that Carter could’ve bounced on her ass and taken the free vaca but he came clean because he obviously wants to be part of the non judgmental Breakfast club, or that he really cares about her. She realizes he basically is throwing himself to into the lion’s den for her so that she will see that he really is a changed man, even though the things he did clearly show he wasn’t. Nate approaches BB and she claims TEXAS is in her blood so she had to screw him to get Carters ass on a platter. She leaves leaving Nate in complete awe that ANOTHER one of his girlfriends just completely wasn’t who they turned out to be.
We then find out that Blair solved the Georgina problem by having one of Dorota’s Russian Mafia people find her at a Bar and proposition her to be a princess since they are OF COURSE a prince. So the mayor crazy town will now become a princess of crazy town.
Next week we have Nate and Serena playing some strip err Poker to win carters life? Back and Chuck kisses a man to turn Blair on??