Location: next to the dancing water fountain in lala
Auditiongasm Fall Finals - Women's Murder Club 1 -
01-06-2008, 11:12 PM
Previously on Women’s Murder Club… Lindsey (played by Supermodel Angie Harmon) is a tough cop with no life (think Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality) who ruined her marriage by her obsession with her job and a serial killer named “The Kiss-Me-Not Killer.” Lindsey’s partner is a gruff but loveable guy named Warren. He reminds me a bit of Danny Glover’s character in Lethal Weapon only less funny. Her foxy ex-husband, Tom, recently became their boss and has just married a kindergarten teacher, Heather. Jill is an asst DA who just broke up with her live in lover after her drunken boss spilled the beans about Jill screwing the smarmy pubic defender on her desk. Now that is what I call work benefits. To hell with the dental plan! Claire is an Oprah look-alike coroner who acts as sort of a mom to the group. The most recent club member is Cindy, a crime reporter with a kick ass memory who is eager to be included with the other gals. The serial killer case had been taken from Lindz and given to the FBI when the latest victim was taken across state lines. At the end of the last episode, a hot FBI guy was waiting for her on her porch to show her a photo sent to them by the killer. It is a picture of her with her mouth sewn shut like the previous victims.
This episode opens with Lindsey running with her dog, Martha, while the hottie FBI guy drives his car alongside. Naturally, this makes her crazy and she begins to argue with him to leave her alone. He insists it is for her protection but then her phone rings which usually means the episode is really going to start getting good.
After agreeing to meet someone on the phone, we cut to Lindsey parking in a dark seedy alley to meet a creepy homeless guy. She gives him some burgers and money in return for some information he says is important. He leads her through dark twisting alleys and up a rickety staircase. Ok… did someone forget to remind this crazy bitch that she has a serial killer after her? Finally they enter a dimly lit room where he says he has a man he wants her to meet. She turns… I cringe… IT’S THE KILLER! No wait… it’s a severed head. Whew! I mean, you know, gross… but whew. I was worried but as it turned out there was no reason to lose my head. Lose my head… get it? Huh, get it? …..My wit is wasted here.
Back on the street, we see the rest of the guy we just met scattered across the road. Speaking of gross, this guy’s head and arms were ripped off. He is just a bloody torso with tire tracks running over and beneath him. The professionals at the crime scene use all of their experience to deduce that he was killed by repeated hits from a vehicle. Ya think? The tire tracks weren’t a giveaway, were they? Based on his driver’s license, the victim’s name is Silas Spaulding and he was carrying a case of expensive wine when he was hit. More cases are found in the trunk of his car nearby.
Lindsey walks over to Jill the DA to see what she has found out, but Jill is there chatting up some cute guy. No desk nearby, but I suppose she could plop right down on the pavement and spread her legs. Just be careful not to smudge the chalk outline! Unfortunately, she is cockblocked by Lindsey who only ever wants to talk about work. Come to think of it… why the hell is Jill there anyway? I mean… isn’t the DA’s job to be in court AFTER the cops have gotten all of the evidence? I imagine it’s hard to get your freak on in the middle of a courtroom though and a girl's got needs, right? So Jill puts the rufies she was going to give random cute guy back in her pocket and gives the information she has found so far... which is that no one saw anything. Wow, great work, Sherlock. Perky reporter, Cindy, arrives amazingly happy that a homeless guy has found a severed head. Who needs sympathy when you can smell a Pulitzer? Just then, the fourth member of the club, Claire aka Oprah, arrives carrying one of the victim's hands. Now I can see an ambitious reporter lurking around a crime scene, but since when is the coroner the one searching in the gutter for severed parts? Doesn't she have minions to do that shit? I've seen CSI and the coroner on that show never leaves the building. He always lets the CSI guys dig in the garbage to find maggot infested entrails and stuff. And CSI would never lie to us. CSI loves us. Oh well... apparently Claire is a hands on kind of gal. Hands on... severed hand... get it? *sigh* Why do I try? Anyway... the wedding ring on the hand is engraved "Silas and Mia 2005."
Back at the office, we see the aforementioned Mia awash in tears. She explains that her husband was in the wine import business with his best friend, Laurent Pernet. She has no alibi, but gives them permission to search her house and car. In her grief, she says her life is over without Silas. Upon leaving the meeting with Mia, Lindsey bumps into the DA slut in the hallway and they discuss which records need to be searched, etc. When Lindz is surprised that she is mellow while mentioning her normally ball-busting boss, Jill admits that boss lady has been much nicer since ruining her relationship. She is gleeful that her boss is capable of guilt… and probably relieved to be on the other end of it for a change.
Cut to Lindz and her partner, Warren, entering a swanky wine place filled with those people who aren’t afraid to spit into a bucket in public. I guess I don’t get the concept of just tasting the wine. I’m not a wine taster. I’m a wine drinker. Oh hell, who am I kidding, I’m just a wino. Give me a 2 gallon bottle of Boone’s Farm and a straw and I am my own party. Maybe I am sharing a bit too much too soon. Back to the show. They find the partner guy and he is surprised to learn that Silas is dead. He just thought he was late. But he has a French name so they are naturally suspicious of him. They get permission to do a lie detector on him and check out his car. Before they leave, Warren talks to an older gentleman, Victor, who offers him some wine to taste. This guy reeks of that Vincent Price / Dr Jekyll sort of creepiness. I know he has to be involved somewhere.
Once more at the “Hall of Justice,” Lindz nearly collides with Heather who is putting small cans of macadamia nuts on everyone’s desk. They are the souvenirs from their honeymoon in Maui. She enthusiastically confides that she is on her way to the social security office to change her name to her new married name… Heather Hogan. She is supposed to be this sweet little kindergarten teacher who bakes and is wonderful, but what sort of raging bitch is so insensitive that she tells this to her husband’s ex-wife… who is carrying a gun, by the way? For fuck’s sake… shoot her and put her out of all of our misery. Heather does manage to impart one speck of useful info which gives Lindsey the excuse to leave rather than killing her as she deserves. That info? Hottie FBI guy is in Tom’s office. Uh oh.
Our heroine supermodel bursts into Tom’s office just as the two are discussing her. You can tell Lindsey is totally peeved because she actually calls Tom “Lieutenant.” He explains to her that the FBI have requested that she be assigned to help them with the Kiss-Me-Not case, but he feels she is needed in the department. When she agrees with him, he is shocked. Isn’t this the woman who gave up their marriage to chase this case? FBI guy plays his trump card and whips out the picture of her sent by the killer which stuns Tom. He starts reprimanding her for not having a security detail and she counters that she can take care of herself. Lindsey’s outburst, which includes eluding to the fact that they were once married in front of FBI guy, is cut short when her phone rings. It is Mia who says that she didn’t kill Silas but she can’t live without him so she is jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Then the phone goes dead. When she tries to rush out, Tom says that he will go to Mia and that she is now assigned to the FBI.
Lindz and FBI guy go over all of the evidence of the serial killer’s victims. In addition to being murdered and having their mouths sewn closed, each victim was staged differently. The first was found covered in with lilac blossoms. The second had an old key in her hand and a dead mouse at her feet. The third was left in a copper bathtub with silver leaves in her hair. When she points out that he has her files so he knows everything she is telling him, he says he only has what she wrote down, but he wants to know what was going through her head. Hoo boy… now that is a can of worms, isn’t it? Since the beginning of time, men have been wanting to understand what goes through the mind of a woman and you think that you can do that in a one hour drama? Optimistic, but sadly misguided. Lindsey gives the reply that women generally give when men try to get into their heads: “I don’t like you.” And unable to come up with something better, he replies that he doesn’t like her either. Oh yeah… these two are totally going to have sex. Anyone want to lay bets on how many episodes before they are riding the hobby horse of love? I say two.
Just at that moment, Tom and Warren return with the news that Mia jumped before they arrived and have a taxi driver with them as a witness. I had no idea that Oompa Loompas went bald. Learn something new every day. When Tom leads the vertically challenged witness away to take his statement, Warren expresses surprise at having Tom as his partner. Lindz hides the truth from him and just says that it is standard FBI business. That shit is going to bite you in the ass, girl. You better start telling folks what is going on! Warren moves on to the morgue to discuss the victim with Oprah. Jill the DA bursts in and says she heard a rumor that Lindsey is in a room with a hot guy from the FBI and she wants to know if he is single. Apparently she finished up with the entire 49ers football team early and is out trolling for ass. When they don’t give up the info, she comes in to hear the new details in the case. Oprah says that all of the suspects have radial tires on their cars, but the car that decimated Silas had bias ply tires. DA pipes up and says that those are only used on vintage cars. Hey… I guess all of those hours in backseats weren’t wasted after all! Good on ya, Jill! I’m so impressed that I’m not even going to ask why the CORONER is looking at tires.
Warren leaves the morgue to approach Tom about Lindsey working with the FBI. Tom realizes that he doesn’t know about the threat either and quickly fills him in. Warren is less than pleased.
Lindsey and FBI hottie are still sniping at each other… you know, sexual tension and all that… when Jill bursts in to get a good look at the dude she hopes to fuck… err… to give some new information on the case with the help of perky Cindy the reporter. Apparently a few years ago, Silas and Laurent’s wine company was nearing bankruptcy when they were robbed and the insurance money saved their business. Hmm... a coincidence? Lindz doesn’t think so and takes the information to the interrogation room where Laurent is taking his lie detector test. The Frenchie is calm until he is asked about the robbery. Then he is surprised and acts a bit jumpy. He says that they can ask him about Silas, but he wants his lawyer if they want other information. Way to make yourself look guilty, genius.
Warren and Lindsey leave the interrogation room for a private chat. I hope you hated your old ass because Warren is getting ready to chew you a new one. She continues her same lame argument that she can take care of herself and has a gun, but he isn’t having it. He really goes off on her and points out that she can choose to be a big workaholic loser and that is her business… but that this is his business because he could be killed or injured when the Kiss-Me-Not guy goes for her. Who said chivalry is dead? She gets all apologetic and weepy, but he says they aren’t partners anymore because she just made sure that she is in this all by herself and then he storms off. Lindsey returns to Tom’s office to find DA girl there. She is telling Tom about the robbery information and that most of their business was done with Victor’s wines. Remember Victor? The Vincent Price wannabe? I told you he would be involved! They all agree to wait to confront him until they have more information. Lindsey suggests that Cindy stop by Victor’s store to see if she can find out anything.
Lindsey emerges to see FBI dude and Oprah enter the break room with the parents of the third Kiss-Me-Not victim. She stands watching, clearly upset, as the parents are shown photos of their daughter and some unidentified guy entering a hotel room a few hours before she was killed. In the photos, all you can see is the back of the guy’s head and my first thought is that it looks like FBI guy. Erk… hope I am wrong! The mother gets too upset to continue and both parents leave. Lindsey asks if he thinks she is that easily manipulated with the victims parents and new evidence. He says he hopes so and then tells Oprah she should leave. I’m not quite sure why she was in there in the first place. Doesn’t she have some stomach contents to evaluate? Or fingernail scrapings? Something? She leaves… probably to go help the fingerprint taker do their job too. FBI guy closes the door behind her and then accuses Lindsey of not caring about the case and says that she couldn’t handle the mess she made of her marriage so she used the serial killer’s case as an excuse to check out. He tells her that her martyr act is just a façade. Is it just me or does anyone else want to see a heated kiss right about now? Lindsey says she has something to show him. Bom chikka wow wow! Oh yeah… now we are on to something! (continued below)
Location: next to the dancing water fountain in lala
01-06-2008, 11:13 PM
(continued)
Uh oh, what a way to kill a mood… seems we have to pay a visit to Victor’s shop before we get to the good stuff. Cindy, upbeat as ever, explains to Victor that she is getting married soon and is looking for some good wines cheap. After some slimy wine talk, he gives her a bottle of wine to test and tells her he can give her a good price if she likes it. She verifies that it is one of the wines from Silas and Laurent.
Hey hey! Now Lindz and FBI dude are at Lindsey’s house and she is lowering a ladder to go into the attic. I knew that girl was a freak! She probably has some crazy S&M Bondage stuff up there. She’ll “show” him something alright… right after she sticks a ball-gag in his mouth and straps him to a board. Wait… what is that I see up there? Books? Boxes? Then the camera pans to show that every inch of the walls are covered with photos and diagrams of the serial killings. She is a freak alright, just not in the way I had hoped. She confides that if she lets him, the killer will destroy her and that would be ok if it meant that he would be stopped. She says that she gave everything she had and gave up everything else in her life to try and catch the killer, but she failed. And she feels that her failure cost the third victim her life. She asks the FBI guy to let her off the hook… but he says no. It is such an openly emotional moment and his “no” almost seems like a kiss. I guess I’ll just have to be satisfied with that for now.
Back at the office, Tom and Warren are discussing how no one drives on bias ply tires anymore and Jill the DA comes in to tell them that Mia had been saving for her retirement with some guy named Dylan Carter. They go to the address listed and find that Dylan Carter is a married woman with kids. Oh yeah and one other thing… she is also Mia!! She swears that she didn’t kill Silas and then gives them evidence that she was at a PTA meeting that night. She is in charge of cookies, it seems. She explains that she gave the taxi driver $500 to say he saw her jump. She was living a double life with 2 cellphones and 2 sets of ID. I know it doesn’t have anything to do with the show, but how exactly would that work? I mean… if you’re married, you sleep at home right? Clearly she can’t sleep in two places at once, so…? Whatever. Weird.
Cindy returns from Victor’s shop and meets up with Oprah who explains that they tested the wine they found in Silas’ car against the same wine that came directly from the factory to see if they were counterfeiting wine. They matched up chemically. Then Cindy pulls the bottle from her purse that Victor had given her and asks her to test those against this bottle. We all know what the results are going to be, don’t we? Meanwhile, Jill the DA, Warren, Tom and Lindz catch up on the evidence so far. Jill gives them a warrant to search a storage facility which is owned by Silas and Laurent then she turns to Lindsey and quietly tells her that there is something else in the bathroom. Lindsey enters and finds Heather sitting on the floor of the stall crying. Oh dear lord… I don’t even want to think about what microbes and organisms live on the floor of a police station bathroom. The mind boggles. Heather is sobbing about changing her name to Heather Hogan… from Hoboken. Lindsey puts on her big girl pants and does the right thing. She tells her about Mia/Dylan who has two names but is still a screwed up old heifer. And no matter how many names she has, she will still be a screwed up old heifer. Then she lies and says that Heather is a great person no matter what her name is and puts the smile back on her face.
Enough of the chick bonding, let’s get back to the good stuff. Everyone is at the storage facility and it is filled with…. Ta-da! …Vintage cars. They find an old SUV which has blood and skin and hair and all kinds of nasty shit still stuck in the grill. One of the techs looking at the other cars notices that another car has been tampered with. It looks like someone tried to hot wire it but failed. Why would Laurent have to hot wire a car if the cars are his? And why would he not clean the guts off of the car? Yes, ladies and gents, because someone was trying to frame him. And who would do that……?
Cut to everyone outside Victor’s store with guns drawn wearing bulletproof vests. See?! I told you! Never trust a Vincent Price look-alike guy! They use this cool thing which I totally want for my birthday. It looks like a baby monitor but it shattered the glass of the door in an instant. I could have so much fun with something like that! Victor is no where to be found inside the store, but they see a $1,000 bottle of wine that he has just drunk so they know he is there somewhere. When they enter the back room, they notice loose labels and supplies for bottling wine. Then Victor starts shooting at them. He hits Tom square in the chest and Tom goes down. Oh no! Not Tom! Not after Heather just changed her name to Heather Hogan from Hoboken! Lindsey runs over to him and is relieved to see that the vest stopped the bullet. More gunfire between Victor and the cops and he is eventually captured. They confront him about the counterfeit wine and he says that most people can’t tell the difference in the taste. All they care about is the label. I totally disagree because I can tell when I have Strawberry Hill and when I have another flavor. But as long as I have my straw, I’m happy. Anyway, enough about me… Victor says that Silas found out and was going to expose him. He felt that Silas ought to be grateful because he had arranged for them to be robbed when they were in financial trouble. Silas was going to go to the police about the robbery and the counterfeiting so Victor had to take him out and he needed someone else to take the blame. He is led away in handcuffs.
Tom and Heather, standing on the landing above the area where the other cops work, make an announcement that she is now officially Heather Hogan (from Hoboken) and everyone claps. Lindz comments to FBI hotpants that Tom doesn’t know that Heather didn’t want to change her name and he comments that people don’t want to know the truth. Lindz agrees and says they just want the fairytale where Prince Charming wants them no matter what. Then a lightbulb suddenly goes on over her head. Cut to Oprah’s house, where hotpants and Lindz share their theory with Oprah, Cindy and Jill. They think the serial killer is acting out old fairytales or Prince Charming type stories. She repeats the way each victim is staged as they leaf through Oprah’s grandmother’s antique books. Then he hands Lindz a folder and says he will wait in the car. You are going to have to tell them sooner or later! She finally shares her secret with them. At first they were angry with her, but then Jill admits that they deserted her before but this time they are with her and nothing will make them give up until the killer is found. Damn… I have something in my eye. Stupid girl power moment.
So that’s it for this week. I’m not sure if this is the finale or not. ABC.com says the next episode is to be aired in February. To be honest, I hadn’t heard of this show until it was assigned to me a few days ago. I went back and watched all of the previous episodes to understand the characters. I’ll admit that I absolutely love this show and hope they make more episodes of it. Later, Gasmii!
lookit, the little flipit has snuck in the room and is posting during the witching hour... you better get done before the dead time or your soul will be sucked out through your belly button.
The Official Smart Mouth of TVGasm
.. as voted by the masses.
I thought this was very funny and I felt like the person knew the show they were describing. I actually watch this show and if I had missed this episode, which I sometimes do, I would have gotten a laugh and still been in the loop for next week's episode.
I felt even though it was longer, you put more effort into your recap than the other writer. I now know exactly what the episode was about and you had awesome humor. Loved it. Great writer and great overall recap! Good job being that I can imagine this show would be a hard one to write about.
Just because something is longer doesn't mean that more effort was exerted. Actually I think the opposite is usually true -- it takes way more discipline to edit an article down than it does to ramble on and on. In all honesty, I could have watched this WMC episode in the time it took me to read this. Most people these days have DVR or Tivo, so I think snarkiness should come first and foremost. Not to take away from this writer's work, but I definitely prefer the other reviewer.
Also, and I'm sorry to be so nitpicking, but at least the other writer follows AP style.
OK...But for people who can not afford TIVO ect. recaps are important, and I just was saying I felt the other writer did not recap enough. Do you know the other person or something....?
Auditiongasm Fall Finals - Women's Murder Club 1 -
01-06-2008, 11:12 PM
as voted by the masses.
Linear Mode
