|
Super Moderator
Status: Offline
Posts: 130
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Los Angeles
|
Ugly Betty: The Lyin’, the Watch and the Wardrobe by Nicole -
11-04-2006, 03:48 PM
UGLY BETTY
The Lyin’, the Watch and the Wardrobe
The episode begins in the MODE Magazine office with a close up of a taller whiter, more feminine version of Betty, which is to say it’s Marc dressed as Betty for Halloween. Braces and all. And it’s hilarious in its cruelty, and when it comes down to it, isn’t that what Halloween is all about? Wilhelmina sweeps in only slightly less bitchy than normal. She reveals she pulled a Demi by going on a date with a much younger man, who she is in turn inviting to the Halloween Ball… until she gets bad publicity for, well, pulling a Demi and turns into the stark raving bitch (also known as pulling a Demi… or a Sharon) we’ve come to love. She insists Marc find her a more age appropriate date as well as book her an appointment for cosmetic surgery to reduce the saggy knee skin that has been pestering her. Ok, I made that last part up, and I didn’t realize I has so much pent up anger towards Demi, but probably wouldn’t be a bad idea. No, she really tells him to remove his Betty costume, that she can hardly stand to look at the real one. Zing!
Meanwhile, in a borough far, far away (not in distance, of course, but certainly in the New York caste system according to Betty) Betty descends the cobweb- laden staircase dressed as a butterfly… with braces. For which you really have to suspend disbelief. I’m not saying Betty should’ve removed her braces for the costume’s authenticity or anything, but Halloween is a sacred tradition to me and I say (much like I do at the blackjack tables after drinking five free vodka red bulls and losing hundreds of dollars and dignity) go big or go home. So Betty goes downstairs to find her father zeal for the holiday at an all time high. And so has her little brother Justin sweeps out in a sailor costume post “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, so it seems. But he tells us he is Gene Kelly from On the Town and proceeds to do a song and tap dance routine so beautifully gay that I want to shout, Take that AC Slater! That’s how a man who wants to be a woman but pretends to be a man is supposed to dance! But I don’t know what’s more impressive about this kid: his ability to sing better than Clay Aiken or his power to actually make Clay seem butch by comparison. Their sister Hilda, dressed as a Latina cum New Yorker cliché for Halloween (not really, but come on. Let’s be honest. That’s who this character is, so let’s just put it out there) urges him to just tell people he’s a sailor. He replies that he is a sailor who can sing and dance (double threat!) and his father just hopes he can sing, dance and throw a punch (triple threat! Throw in an affinity for hair pomade and this kid could star in the West Side Story revival).
But back to Betty, wings, braces, and all. She proudly walks down the street shaking her tail feather when suddenly she is ensnared by a net! In an unfortunate casualty of looking so much like a butterfly, an exterminator has captured her and will very likely send her off to her toilet grave after dousing her in Raid. Somehow this doesn’t happen, and it’s just Betty’s boyfriend Walter dressed as bug keeper to Betty’s butterfly. Touché writers. He hands her a bucket full of candy (enabler, much?) and tells her there is a secret gift at the bottom but she can’t just search for it, she has to eat all the candy that’s on top of it. (wow, definite enabler… imagine if Betty were a coke-head? Sure on the plus side she’d be skinny but with a boyfriend like that she’d be sure to make Kate Moss like Nancy Reagan!)
Betty gets to the office and is the only one wearing a costume, since Marc was forced to strip off his Doppelganger Betty dress. Once again the joke’s on Betty. But you know what? Nobody’s gonna break her stride! Nobody’s gonna hold her down! Oh no! She’s gotta keep on movin’! Um.
Betty gets down to business. Which when you work for editor in chief and philanderer Daniel Meade means she has to hunt down his watch which he left at any one of his several trysts from the week. So off goes our little butterfly in search of Daniel’s timepiece.
Meanwhile (dun dun dun!) Caleb, or Kiki’s daddy or Mr. Julie Cooper (but in this show Bradford Meade, magazine conglomerate and philandering father of Daniel) meets some other dude in an ominous dark alley discussing Faye Summers demise and what will look like Caleb’s involvement. If you ask me, it’s all that no good Marissa’s fault.
Betty is having an unsuccessful search throughout the sisterhood of the traveling watch, and also discovers Walter’s surprise is not a syringe full of mayo for her to inject directly into her veins and cut out the middle man that is her mouth, but a key to his apartment and a post it note asking her to move in with him. She seems freaked out. And what I guess to be slight disappointment that it wasn’t a gift certificate to Chucky Cheese. The sneaky secretary Amanda has the watch, but since she is the one woman Daniel cannot remember sleeping with, she keeps it in her drawer, as she humiliatingly has to send flowers to all of Daniel’s conquests. She decides to accept a lunch invitation from Henry in accounting because they both have knacks for useless information and wear glasses and costumes. Henry is dressed as the nerdy guy from accounting… oh wait… The thing that bugs me about Henry is that he is what I like to call TV nerdy where you gel back some day player’s hair, cover his eyes in thick rimmed glasses, dress him in a mismatched suit and there’s your nerd. But I have a sneaking suspicion that you take the glasses off and tousle his hair up a bit, well this Clark Kent suddenly becomes a superman. Just a hunch.
Turns out Betty’s never eaten sushi. Now, I get it, she’s the daughter of an immigrant living in Brooklyn just trying to get her slice of American pie (no pun, swear) but come on. It’s 2006. You can practically buy sushi with food stamps these days. Educate yourself Betty. If you’re eating the spinach pie in the caf for Greek day when spinach is killing people across the country you can sure as shit eat a California roll. Betty tells Walter she comes from a place where people dress up for Halloween (you’d think the Brooklyn bridge lead to some alternate universe or something with this sob story) and Henry reveals that under his pocket protector encrusted button down shirt is a Superman T! I knew it!
Walter, after being ignored all day (NEEDY. It’s annoying) he tracks Betty down and catches her mid bite. And sadly, she still hasn’t eaten sushi. I don’t know why I take such exception to this, but I do. Walter storms out and I say good riddance, let the girl get on with Superman and a spider roll for godssake. But apparently Betty is smitten with him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the nerd getting the girl. But couldn’t he be a TV nerd (see above) and not the nerd nerd that we all have bad memories of from high school, or were in high school? Walter reminds me of what Larry David would look and sound like if he had a stroke (God forbid).
The best part of the episode, however, does not involve Betty. It involves Daniel trying to uncover his father’s mysterious behavior by going to his mother… who is rehab! And who is Judith Light from Who’s The Boss?! And Angela Bower looks good. Finally out of Mona’s shadow and all it took was a penchant for booze! Mrs. Ay-Oh-Oh-Ay plays a very convincing drunk and every second of her is better than every sip of my martini. She tells Daniel her father had an affair with Faye Summers. For the last twenty years. And, as it takes one to know one, she sees an addictive pattern in her son. His womanizing ways could lead him down the same path as his father. But this warning seems to fall on deaf ears. Because honestly, what male would ever see a downside to banging hot models?
Finally after seeing the flowers on Amanda’s desk, Betty realizes she has the watch! Amanda gives it to her and they go to the bathroom for a bump and a good cry. Ok, well not really either, but I’ve worked in fashion and let me tell you, that’s what would be happening. Amanda does confess her feeling for Daniel, but then tells Betty this never happened. Wilhelmina decides to take her young suitor to the ball after all, deducing she’ll be a trendsetter. But then her daughter Niko shows up and well, buzz kill. Because the kid is probably in her late 20s. And nuthin’ says old and unsexy like having a full adult kid. Well that or having saggy knees. So she goes to what looks like the morgue set from CSI with more flattering lighting to see the Woman in Bandages who we can assume is Faye Summers and together they scheme to take down Bradford and son. Caleb sure does like his women to scheme.
Betty decides to stay with Walter (sorry Superman) but not to move in with him. She also promises to help him pick out new panties for himself because he is behaving like a woman. Blech. She gets home to find out her father is an illegal alien. Because nothing says comedy like a visit from the INS. I hope they like Halloween in Guadalajara. Next week Salma Hayek and her enormous, huge, mamorous… talent guest star. (In the trailer she takes off her shirt in an elevator with Daniel, revealing some really, really big boobs. I kind of wish he would say “Going up.”) What will happen? Will Betty’s father be forced to go back to Mexico? Will Faye come out of hiding? Will Katherine Helmund guest star as Daniel’s grandma? WILL BETTY EVER EAT SUSHI? Are Salma Hayek’s boobs real and if so, are you kidding me?! Find out next week on UGLY BETTY!
|
11-08-2006, 05:17 PM
Linear Mode
